New Perspectives Archives - Page 4 of 4

Tag Archives: New Perspectives

Building Community: Learning from the Masculine and Feminine

Posted on October 17, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 17 of 100 days of blogging

A few weeks ago, a female friend invited me to a group called The New Masculine Community. When I first saw the words, I wondered why she was inviting me to a men’s group. I am a woman and I work mainly with women in my organization, Heal My Voice.

The description in the group:

This group is for education, discussion and debate. It originally was formed to support a men’s program by Zat Baraka, Ken Blackman and Robert Kandell called the Razor’s Edge that was run in Winter 2015.

Please note:
Masculine does not necessarily mean man.
Feminine does not necessarily mean woman.

This page is for ALL genders and ALL sexual orientations to discuss the topics of masculine and feminine nature in today’s ever-changing world. To help breakdown the bullshit conventions that run us, which haven’t worked in a very long time.

We are a community of people who want to learn more about how we tick and how others. We are here to share ideas and concepts. You might not like everything that you read. However, we hope that it influences you enough to notice your programming.

Having spent the last three years in what appears to be a female-centric practice (Orgasmic Meditation) and being committed to living in community and practicing with men, I decided to hang out in the group and read some of the comments. (I also really admire and appreciate the work of Ken Blackman and Robert Kandell who originally started the group and I know there is a team of women and men monitoring the posts.)

This week, one of the women in the group posted an article about Bradley Cooper (an actor) supporting Jennifer Lawrence (an actress) in her article about the Hollywood Pay Gap. Cooper has been teaming up with female stars to negotiate salaries before film production starts. “I don’t know where it’s changing otherwise but that’s something that I could do,” Cooper said.

http://nytlive.nytimes.com/womenintheworld/2015/10/15/bradley-cooper-is-on-board-with-jennifer-lawrences-takedown-of-the-hollywood-pay-gap/

I feel like that is the point. If we see something in the world that is wrong, we can do our part. Do something. Support someone. Teach a woman or man how to negotiate a salary. Look around and see where you can offer your unique talents and skills. It begins with each of us making that choice individually.

I made a choice in my life 30 years ago to live in community where every person is supported and encouraged to be the fullest expression of who they really are. (By community, I mean finding like minded people who wanted to do the same thing. We all lived in our own family homes all over the city)

We were all committed to heal the wounds of what we were taught are the roles of feminine and masculine. I made a choice to look at my own actions and behavior first, decide where I needed changes. I left a marriage because in that verbal and sexual abusive environment, I was not being the role model I came to be for my two little girls. I made the choice to leave and start unraveling generations of patterning about submissive women.

When I first read the article, I wrote the first comment and highlighted words Cooper spoke about seeing a problem and doing his part to make it right. He isn’t trying to change the whole world by himself, just making a change where he had power. I invite you to let go of the amount of money they are making. That is a distraction from the bigger picture. This is an example of “In my world, I can change this.”

After the death of our son and my own life threatening illness my 2nd husband and I decided to homeschool our children to provide an environment where they had more self-expression and freedom to be themselves. We connected with 1000 families in the Baltimore~DC area. Pooled resources, offered our unique talents and skills, daily interaction and field trips. Stroked out the best of each kid. Male or female. Gave them the freedom to find out who they are. Then, it was up to each child to make their own choices. We laid the foundation.

Instead of talking about a bunch of theory about what is the new masculine and what is feminine leadership, how about each of us taking a look at where we can support someone to be the best they can be instead of using humor or criticism to diminish them. Ask yourself, how can I be the best version of a man? How can I be the best version of a woman? How can I integrate masculine and feminine characteristics of creativity, intuition, action, strength into my life? Feel. Think. Open your eyes and look around.

The commitment to your own growth doesn’t end until you die. I imagine that every person reading this blogpost has a desire, a longing for better communication with others and deep down wants to peel away the facade of who you thought you were supposed to be. And underneath, there is another part of you that wants to be seen and felt and heard.

You don’t have to do everything. Do something. Do your part.

We are all in this together.

*****

Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

Posted in An Evolutionary Woman's Journey Series, Andrea Hylen

You Decide: Choices Create Your Life

Posted on October 10, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 10 of 100 days of blogging

Queens, New York

October 10, 2015

Watching Bob’s Burgers with my granddaughter Lucille this morning, I was inspired to write a blog about the episode when it is Linda’s birthday. Linda is the Mom. (Episode is called Eat, Spray Linda. Season 5. Episode 18)

Linda wakes up remembering it is her birthday. She tries to bury her head under the pillow and stay in bed to avoid the day. When the family tells her they are working on a surprise and she has to leave the house, Linda goes out to the grocery store where a series of mishaps occur. Keys locked in car with her cell phone and purse. Pants rip in the butt. No one in the grocery store will help her. Catches a bus going in the wrong direction. Sprayed by a skunk twice. It is a day of total chaos and Linda digs deep and conquers one challenge after another.

At the end of the day, bathing in a tub filled with tomato juice, her husband (Bob) tells her, ” Sorry your birthday was horrible.” She says, “Hey! Don’t be sorry. This was the best birthday ever!” She goes on to tell him that this is a new tradition. “Every year on my birthday, you blindfold me. Drop me off at a location with no cell phone and no money and I have to find my way home.”

I love Linda! She has this way of seeing the sunshine in adversity. Linda made the best of the chaotic situation and ignited a part of her that had been dormant. She came alive!

What if we all embraced adversity and challenges with this exuberance? What could we create in our lives and in the world?

You Decide.

The show reminded me of something I shared in the 30 days of writing program for this month:

It may feel like you have had no choice at different times in your life. You didn’t decide your life circumstances. You had another plan and it looked nothing like this! You may feel as if you lost control of your life. And at the same time you still have choices. You get to decide who you are going to be in this moment. You get to decide how you are going to respond and to be in the moment of what is happening.

On the community call yesterday I talked about my son and the power of the gifts I learned from his birth and his death and his illness. He was my teacher. Twenty-two years later, I continue to reach into that bag of gifts over and over. I may have moments of sadness. That’s okay. When someone you love dies, you will have moments of sadness. Even twenty years later. Reaching into that time period also reminds me of things that were revealed about who I really am.

When we are presented with challenges, we can find the gifts.

I first found out about my son’s heart condition when I was seven months pregnant with him and I was driving to drop off a report for a consulting job. When I got off the cell phone, I started pounding on the steering wheel and crying out in pain. Why God? Why me? Why him? Haven’t I had enough challenges in this lifetime? More than my fair share? Why, why, why?

After a few hours of feeling like this, I made a decision. I am powerless over this situation and I can still take charge of my life. I decided I was here to support my son and I would cross- stitch angels. Every stitch would be a prayer. It would be a blessing to Cooper, to our family and friends, to everyone who we would meet. In the 19 months of his life, I cross stitched elaborate angels with tiny, tiny stitches and big, big prayers.

This is actually how you change and transform. You are presented with a life experience and YOU DECIDE who you are going to be. Then you practice it. Over and over until one day you are transformed. Caterpillar to butterfly.

New Perspectives

Like Linda on Bob’s Burgers and the challenges she had on her birthday or the experiences we all have when we feel powerless or out of control, we have a choice. To embrace the experience and find out new things about ourselves or to shut down and give up.

I encourage you to get a new perspective and challenge yourself. You never know what surprises are laying within you!

*****

Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

Posted in An Evolutionary Woman's Journey Series, Living in Flow

The Power of Aging: Preparing for the Next Decade

Posted on October 9, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 9 of 100 days of blogging

New York City

October 9, 2015

I had a great birthday yesterday. I mean, really great! Connecting with myself, with people and all on my own terms. I was going to go to a museum in New York City and then the coffee shop in the East Village felt so good and my words were flowing; I stayed in the moment and kept writing. The day ended at a Community Potluck with the surprise of cupcakes and the Happy Birthday song!

Leading up to this birthday was not fun. It actually felt pretty scary and I had a lot of feelings and fears and confusion in the last year. In the past, I have embraced every decade. Turning 40 and 50 was exciting. I have always felt like things were getting better and there was an adventure around every corner. Until this year…

The fears were about turning 60 next year and a fear of dying. My husband, my best girlfriend and a friend’s husband all died at 60. I have had a lot of stories about this new fear. I have let myself the feelings fully and stirred them around to get to the root. The fear is not about the actual dying. I feel like it will be cool to be in another dimension of time. I believe that life goes on. And if for some reason it doesn’t, I have lived a good life and I will return to dust.

The fear is that I will not finish what I came here to do. That I will not finish the journey of becoming the woman I want to become. To leave a new type of role model for my daughters and my granddaughter and the generations of women to come after me. To leave a legacy. I left my first husband after realizing that I was not being the woman I wanted to be for my daughters. That desire has led me to be a warrior with my personal growth. Thirty years of learning and growing and making different choices. Inside of me I have another 49 years of ideas to implement and there are a few more hurdles I want to transmute and alchemize into gold before I leave.

My 59th birthday yesterday was a turning point. A willingness to transform the fears and live fully right now. When my husband turned 59, he already had an aversion to turning “60”. I told him, why don’t we celebrate every month and ring in the next decade?

This week, I decided to take my own advice. I spent the day ringing in the next decade. Everywhere I went, I told people it was my birthday. I received all of the birthday blessings. I spent time alone and I spent time in a community where I can bring all of me.

I am making a note on the calendar each month to spend a day celebrating my life. (In addition to the celebration of every breath) The power is in the simplicity. Celebrate. Be in the present moment. The idea is to pause and do something on that day that fills me up. Welcome in the next frontier. The decade of 60.

It is not the end. It is the beginning.

I am surrendering to life in a deeper way. Every experience has prepared me for this time. In my heart, I feel like I am just getting started. There is a power in aging.

And so it is!

*****

Posted in An Evolutionary Woman's Journey Series, Andrea Hylen

Living in Flow: Courage to Listen

Posted on October 7, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 7 of 100 days of blogging

When I first wrote the draft for this blogpost, I was at a crossroads. I had been living in youth hostels and extended stay hotels with my youngest daughter while we explored living in California. I didn’t know if we would stay there or if we would return to Maryland and the community I had known for 28 years. This experience is an example of living in the void, between worlds, where one thing was ending and the new beginning was around the corner. I just couldn’t see it yet.

In the next two months, I would write 70 articles on grief transformation. Two months after that I would be hosting 44 blogtalk radio shows about Grief Transformation. And in January 2011, I would hear the words Heal My Voice and submit the paperwork to start an organization.

This is a picture of what it looks like when you are in the middle of the bridge from the past to the future.

*****

Burbank, California

July 2010

It has been awhile since I have written a blogpost about the journey I have been on since January. The main reason for not writing is I haven’t had the words to describe what has been happening. I have been going deeper into myself and exploring and discovering a new depth of who I am. I have been describing my life with the words silent retreat, inner journey, climbing a mountain and walking on the beach. Asking questions and listening.

I check in on Facebook. I talk to a few people at the coffee shop. There is an occasional phone call. But, most of my time is spent in silence. Listening, observing the feedback from the Universe, taking action and feeling the feelings.

For the past few weeks, I have had moments every day of feeling like a failure. I have had several moments of feeling like I am a f**k-up. I have doubted, feared, questioned and told myself I live in a la-la fantasy world where I should just get with the program. Not sure what the program is exactly but it feels like “get back in the box and do what everyone else is doing.” Not sure what that is either. It feels constrictive because I am looking for the path of someone else and not my own.

Instead of running from the feelings, I have played with them every day. I have felt them, rolled them around in my heart, looked at them and learned from them.

This latest wave of fears and doubts started with a situation with my cats. The couple who have been watching them in Santa Barbara, CA. can no longer take care of them. Their oldest cat is beginning to feel the stress of living with 7 cats in a small house. It has become Urgent for us to find another home for them.

Staying with my theme of Open to Inspiration, I thought that maybe it was time to find an apartment and make a commitment to a specific location. In January, I thought Hannah and I would live in temporary situations for a year. Part of being open to the inspiration and releasing the attachment of timing. I opened to the idea of settling down and planting roots in southern California. With an apartment of our own, the cats could come and live with us.

I started every day by asking the question, “What is the next step in finding a place to live?” I listened and took a step towards the inspiration. Every day I experienced a “failure”. The apartments were too expensive. I don’t have a job with an income and probably couldn’t qualify. I don’t want to commit to a year lease without having a job or solid income. I don’t have enough money in the bank to pay for a year of apartment expenses. The apartment with the lower price was filled already. Every inspired step led me to a closed door.

The next step was to look for sublets that would allow cats. Nothing in the area.

Every day, I took the inspired action step. I felt the place of discomfort within myself. Every day I took an hour walk, felt the feelings and began to shift the energy. I imagined myself feeling a connection to the Earth as I walked. I imagined the critical thoughts passing through me letting all of the critical thoughts pass through me and into dear Mother Earth. At some point, during the walk, I would release the fear, anxiety, doubts. Call it a connection to nature, Spirit, God or a deeper place inside of you. Whatever your belief is fine.

One day, as I was walking and beginning to feel a relief from the fear, a moment of feeling at peace with myself and with life, a thought popped into my head.

I remembered a moment with my son, Cooper. He was born with a congenital heart defect. At two weeks old, he had just received his first open heart surgery. The doctors came into the private room where they would give us an update on the surgery. The doctor said that they had done all that they could, Cooper was weak and would probably not survive the night. After a few minutes, I decided to go and sit with our son. I had made a decision. I sat next to him in PICU. With tears streaming down my face, I began to speak. “Cooper, I love you. You are at a crossroads in your life. I will be here with you, no matter what you choose. If you decide to fight for your life and heal, I will be with you every step of the way. And if you decide that you have to leave now and die, I will stay with you and love you. No matter what you decide, I love you.” Within a few minutes, his vital signs improved. He had chosen to live.

And I was always with him. For 19 months, I took him to doctor appts, sat with him at the hospital until the last hospital stay when it was time for him to leave. Soul mission complete.

In recalling this loss, I am reminded how I discovered strengths inside of me that I didn’t know I had, in the pain of loving and losing my child. Courage, compassion, unconditional love, and my warrior spirit.

Somehow in the depth of feeling like a failure right now, letting myself go into the depths of the emotion, clearing it to see the truth of who I am, I discovered something about myself that I really never understood until now. I see that the way I have lived my life, pushing out of the box, being willing to take a risk, walking on the path when I can only see a foot in front of me, embracing it all, has been the only way I can live.

This is authentically ME!

What I know about myself is that I am showing up. I am living in flow. I don’t know what is going to happen in the next hour, day, week, month, year. I do know that I am courageous, willing, resourceful, loved, and inspired. I will not give up.

I know there is something on the other side of this. Today I am courageous. Today I reignite my curiosity and childlike sense of wonder knowing that anything is possible.

Today I remember who I am.

*****

Posted in Living in Flow

On Purpose Woman: A Workshop

Posted on October 6, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 6 of 100 days of blogging

I had an opportunity to lead a workshop at the On Purpose Woman Conference in Columbia, Maryland this past weekend. It was called, “Using the Feelings of Failure As a Tool of Exploration.” It was birthed from a blogpost I wrote in August 2015.

To be totally transparent, I thought there might be 3 women in the Workshop. It was not the bright, shiny, juicy topic of feel good upliftment I like to present at this conference. I also felt like I was still in a current process of feeling this feeling of failure. So, who am I to teach it while living it in the moment?!?

As women began to enter the room, I could feel how wrong I had been about the number of women interested in this topic. The room was packed. We gathered in a close circle with rows around the circle. Failure was the exact feeling that many of us were feeling and I wanted us to feel intimate and cozy. A women’s circle with deep, real conversation. Lean in. Whisper it. Speak it. Heart to heart sharing.

There are many reasons for this feeling of failure or defeat. We have all had losses of jobs, clients, health, homes and loved ones. And we have had successes that have come to completion and we are not sure where we are going next. So, we feel deflated, confused and lost. No matter how many successes we have had there are expectations in our society and culture that tell us we have failed; the internal and the external feelings and reflections. Even our closest friends and family who love us and want the best for us, add to the feeling with questions. “So, what are you going to do now?” My inner voice when I am this place of not knowing is: I DON”T KNOW!!! STOP ASKING ME!!!

I am going to share a little secret with you: I have felt these feelings of failure or uncertainty so many times and I always come out of it brighter and shinier and more excited about life than ever! When I am in it, it feels like I will never get to the other side. Luckily, I have experienced this so many times, I have a big tool kit of resources, support and experiences to stay connected to when I am in this process.

And one more secret: On some level you know what is next, too. It is in your subconscious and is in the process of emerging. The key is allowing yourself to feel the feelings of not knowing in this moment. You need silence and stillness and time to let it bubble up into your consciousness. Your intuition will guide you to the people, resources, classes, business partners, coaches, and new ideas. All of this will arrive one step at a time or in a big rush of ideas.

CAUTION: When you have the big rush of ideas, write them down and let them become grounded. Keep them close to your heart and get to know them before doing anything with them. Be willing to go even deeper and give them time to reorganize into a structure. An hour. A day. A week. A month. You do not need to spin your wheels to make things happen.

This is a rich time to deconstruct your patterns. This is where the power and freedom is hidden. Deconstruct your patterns to release the old and embrace the new.

A few Tips to Navigating during this time:

Give yourself time.

*Walks in Nature.

*Meditation.

*Slow down (even with kids, simplify everything. Go to the playground and spend time emptying your mind or reflecting. Or get up 15 minutes earlier or stay up later just to have some stillness.)

Write down clues and signs.

*What is crossing your path? A friend from high school finds you on Facebook. Someone recommends a book. A film is released and you are curious.

*What lights you up, gets you excited?

*Just write it down and become a detective in your life.

Set Intentions.

*Go to bed with a question on your mind. Keep paper and pen at the side of your bed so you can roll over and write down insights.

*Talk less about your process while you are in it.

*Find a place where you can be messy and release an unorganized, emotional, incomplete process.

Create rituals:

*Write for five minutes a day (at least)

*Morning Pages: Inspiration-The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron

*Coloring mandalas or blank paper with crayons, markers, colored pencils.

*Buy some art supplies and play.

Meditate or write at the same time every day.

When you do an activity at the same time every day, it activates something in the brain. With this repetition, there is a time when your ideas flow like turning on a faucet of overflowing visions.

*****

PS: After the 40 minute workshop, a few of the women told me they wanted more information. A workshop. A retreat. Something more. The next day I rode the Megabus from Washington, DC to New York for a week of birthday celebrations. On the bus, I had a flash of ideas and by the time I reached New York, I had the structure of a program I will be teaching in November. A workshop with an on-line group and a Secret Facebook Group.

How to Use Feelings As A Tool of Exploration

This will be for women who know they are pioneers and carving new pathways. It is time!

Thank you Ginny Robertson for inviting me to speak. Thank you to the women who had the courage to come to the workshop and for asking me for more…

I am ready!

To attend the On Purpose Woman conference in the future, get on the mailing list! http://onpurposewomanconference.com/

*****

Posted in An Evolutionary Woman's Journey Series, Andrea Hylen

Say YES!: Human Connection

Posted on October 2, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 2 of 100 Days of Blogging

October 2, 2015

University Park, Maryland

It was one of those days. Weather had turned from 85 degrees Fahrenheit to 65 degrees Fahrenheit overnight. Pouring rain and I had to go out to run a few errands. The slow leak in the front tire of my car was now almost flat. I had dropped my iPhone the day before and the face cracked with exposed wires. The insurance company denied my claim and on top of that I heard a hurricane was on the way. All of this on the day before I was going to an On Purpose Woman Conference in Columbia, Maryland and then on to New York City for a week.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and imagined all of my power coming back to me. I am not a victim. I grabbed the keys and ran through the rain to the car.

First stop: The Tire Place in Hyattsville, Maryland. As soon as I pulled into the parking lot, a man came out to greet me, showed me where to park the car and started to take care of the tire. Fifteen minutes later, the tire was plugged and the cost was only $10. Awesome! I am supported by the Universe! YES!

Second stop: Back to the house and walked my friends’ dogs while there was a break in the rain. Be of service. Do something for someone else. Slow down. Work through this day one step at a time. Doggies were so happy. Life is good! YES!

Third stop: The Verizon Store to buy a phone. It is a business tool and I have to take care of this. Sitting in the parking lot, I decided to call the insurance company one more time. Asking one more person why my claim was denied. (What is the purpose of insurance if it won’t pay for an accident with the phone?) It seems there was a record of me filing for a replacement phone in July which was not true. Thirty minutes later, the error was corrected, the fee was paid ($149 vs $600) and the phone will be delivered to me in New York. Thank you God! Back in business. YES!

Last stop: YES! Market. Healthy food and produce. I decide to buy fresh ingredients and cook dinner for my housemate tonight. Slowing down in the check-out line. Noticing. Breathing.

And then the biggest gift of the day arrived. A moment of tender humanity.

I noticed an African American couple running into the store when I first pulled up. Now, I was in the store and I heard sounds that could have been laughter or crying. The woman had her arms wrapped around the man’s shoulders. It felt sweet and tender. As I got closer, I noticed she had tears running down her face. Weaving through the aisles of the store, I passed them several more times. Silent tears on her face. At the check-out, they were right in front of me. Her tears and crying began to build until she ran out of the store, leaving the man at the check-out line. As soon as she left, his stoic face relaxed, his shoulders drooped and his tears began to fall. He placed the food on the check-out line: chicken, mushrooms, broccoli, milk and a six pack of bottled beer. The ingredients for a simple meal. Noticing him brushing away the tears, trying to stop the tears, and putting his hand over his face from time to time, I could feel his grieving heart. Surrounding him energetically with love, I held a space for him to feel what he was feeling without imposing my questions or condolences into his experience. I just witnessed and allowed a private moment in a public space.

When his turn at the check-out finally came, the young East Indian clerk at the check-out gave him his change and said, “I don’t know what is happening to you right now and May God Bless You.” The man nodded and walked out of the store. I looked at the clerk, held eye contact and nodded my head in agreement. This interchange between two men on a rainy day was so filled with sunshine. Heart connections. Beauty

One by one things came together in my day and the best part was feeling this authentic moment and witnessing heart felt caring from one stranger to another.

This is the world I live in.

Real. Connections. Love.

*****

Posted in An Evolutionary Woman's Journey Series

A Miracle and An Opportunity to Shift My Perspective

Posted on September 4, 2013 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Originally written on Sept 4, 2013

**********

Day 90 of 100 days of blogging

Realize that today you and I have been given the greatest gift of life and that is choice. We get to choose how we will be with what’s happening. We get to choose whether we will grow. We get to choose whether we will give. ~Mary Morrissey

A few months ago I met a man at a community party at my house. A potluck with dance music and conversation. From the minute I met him, something went zing in my solar plexus. Heightened sensation in my whole body. Although our lifestyles and interests were very different, there was something pulling me towards him. After an initial conversation, I was curious about the wide range of feelings I was having and I noticed by his body language and how he hovered around me all night that he must be feeling something similar. Curious…

A week later, I had a chance to spend more time with him talking one on one over coffee in my kitchen and what I noticed was how much he…alright, I am just going to say it…how much he pissed me off. Seriously…he annoyed and angered and frustrated me over and over. I was also intrigued by his confidence, arrogance and clarity about what he liked and didn’t like in life as if it was the Truth and everyone else was wrong if they felt or thought something different.

So, what was going on?

“Every situation, properly perceived, becomes an opportunity to heal.” ~ A Course in Miracles

Instead of writing him off or ignoring him, I decided to text and ask if he would meet me for a walk on the beach. After a short walk, we sat down and moved our light conversation into deeper sharing. I asked him a few questions and listened, really listened to his words and felt his energy. In less than ten minutes, I had the beginning of an AHA that would continue to deepen over the next few weeks. I thanked him for his time and drove home to process the feelings by myself.

I could see how he embodied so many aspects of men from my past. While I listened to him, I saw glimpses of the first guy I had sex with in high school and felt the pain of disconnection and rejection. I saw elements of both of my husband’s and my father where I experienced emotional abandonment. I saw a glimpse of a business partner from last year and the secrecy he kept that I could not break through for deeper connection and collaboration. I saw the guy I fell head over heels in love with in college (or was it lust?), only to find out that he was using me to try to make an ex-girlfriend jealous. All of these men were a part of something unresolved in my past and connected to something that was my old story about issues, subtle and overt, that had kept me disconnected and fearful of men.

In that short conversation, I also saw an opportunity to heal. As he spoke, I could see a difference in our perceptions and the way we were processing information and feelings. I saw how I could use this experience to empower myself with forgiveness and love and acceptance and understanding. It wasn’t about him. It was about me and the power to shift my perception.

After that beach walk, I made a commitment to a practice of healing. Every night for two weeks, I lay in bed returning to the conversation with the man on the beach. I would recall a moment in our conversation and ask my higher guidance to show how I could transmute and alchemize the feelings. Every night a different man from my past emerged in my thoughts. I allowed myself to feel all of the feelings connected with the man and then to bring in love. First I felt the sadness, the anger, the hurt, the jealousy, saw the old patterning and felt my desire to be loved and seen.

I imagined a golden light entering the top of my head. Warm and dripping like honey, bright, expansive. I received it into every cell of my body including my heart. Soaking it in like a sponge and then I radiated it out to the man who was present in my thoughts. I brought in love and thanked him for being in my life, for teaching me something about myself, for giving me the opportunity to connect to my personal power and my voice.

I felt myself connected to the men at different ages and I radiated the love back to myself.

Sometimes I used the Ho’oponopono Hawaiian prayer:

“I’m sorry
Please forgive me.
I love you.
Thank you.”

I repeated it over and over and over until I felt my body completely relax and I felt the love pouring into and out of me with each breath.

I immersed myself in this healing and have returned to it whenever guided. Now, every day I see men who are gentle, caring, strong, connected, wise, vulnerable, funny, giving, receiving and I know that the inner work I was doing at night is now attracting a different type of man into my life.

I am grateful for all of the feelings stirred up by the man on the beach. I see him as a gift. A wise teacher who appeared at the time I needed to connect and reflect; at the time I needed to see the old wounding that was holding me back and at a time when he could show up in this role.

I send him love and deep gratitude…

and I thank myself for having the courage to show up and do the deep work. To see this practice and experience the power to shift perception.

It is a miracle.

Andrea Hylen believes in the power of a woman’s voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, a Writing and Transition Coach, Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and co- author of Conscious Choices: An Evolutionary Woman’s Guide to Life. Andrea has discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to celebrate life after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. She currently lives in Los Angeles following the inspiration to collaborate with women in organizations and to travel around the world speaking and leading workshops. Her passion is connecting women to support each other in the full expression of who they are.

Posted in healing, Miracle