Tag Archives: Change

Flip the Script on Housing

Flip the Script: On Housing

Week Eleven: Flip the Script on Housing

Day 71

“Let your home be your mast and not your anchor.” – Kahlil Gibran

As I begin to write about flipping the script on housing, several ideas are bubbling:

  • Emotional and physical stability that a house can provide.
  • Alternative housing ideas with shared resources that support connection.
  • A changing world that makes affordable housing a challenge.

In the conversation this week, I intend to explore co-housing, gentrification, community, ancestry – nomadic lifestyles – and more.

I grew up moving from house to house as part of my father’s work promotions. As far as housing in the 60’s and 70’s, buying, and selling houses was profitable. Prices were increasing and if you moved every year or two, you could make a profit and roll that over to buy a larger, more expensive home. My parents were able to leverage their income by moving from a starter home to larger homes in wealthier neighborhoods. My father had a middle-class salary so we were what you would call, “house rich.” In America, this meant access to better schools even though we wore basic clothes that my mother sewed or bought at Sears. Nothing fancy and not in alignment with current fashions.

When I was in middle school, we lived on a lake in a suburb of Minneapolis and in high school we lived on Valley Forge Mountain in Pennsylvania and had an in-ground swimming pool. My parents also owned a home in the Poconos for skiing and rented it part-time to other skiers.

In my first marriage, we bought a fixer-upper for $37,000 in 1984. After our divorce, I bought a large Victorian style home that had been divided into four apartments. I lived in one and rented the other three. During my second marriage, I sold that house and we moved into my husband’s home. We sold another home he owned and invested the money in a property for his business. We bought a dilapidated old house and fixed it up while living in it. At one point we owned three homes and a farm on the Eastern shore of Maryland.

Other circumstances in our lives. I stopped working to take care of our son who had numerous surgeries. We were lucky to be able to afford expensive insurance coverage but even with that, the hospital bills cost us over $10,000/year and my husband was just starting a business.

We decided to homeschool our kids because my husband made enough to pay the bills and the plan was for me to go back to work around 2008 – 2010 depending on what I was going to do and if I needed to update my skills with college courses. This income would build a retirement fund.

Then, he died in 2005 when I was 48 years old and I had to figure it out on my own.

In the community we lived and homeschooled in, our circumstances were just like everyone else. We had average incomes, owned homes, had financial struggles because of medical costs and we chose to educate our kids in a community-based learning and share resources.

Selling my home in 2009 only gave me enough money to pay off some debt and relocate to California. It was after a year in California that I experienced living on the edge of eviction for almost two years. It was stressful and eye-opening, as I learned about a world that I had never seen or experienced.

I began to notice how many other people were living on the edge of eviction when I recognized the eviction notices taped on the doors of other apartment dwellers. There was furniture and boxes outside the building when people couldn’t pay rent and had nowhere to go. At the courthouse, I learned about my rights which were very little. The apartment owners tacked on an additional $500+ to the rent every 10 days it was late, and the struggle to pay the back rent and the extra fees added more challenges. I grew compassion for the struggle that so many experience when a life event interrupts your flow of money and how the system adds even more burdens while you try to catch up and pay the bills.

Some of the facts mentioned in the documentary Working: What We Do All Day:

(United States facts)

A house used to cost twice your annual income. Now it costs six times the amount.

The cost of college has almost tripled since 1980.

Childcare has gone up 200%

Real wages have barely budged in decades.

Alternatives to housing are necessary to navigate a changing world.

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I’ve lived with wealth, and I’ve lived in poverty. I’ve lived in communities that were connected and I’ve lived in communities that are disconnected. This is an idea I have pondered regularly.

A few other things come into play with housing:

Identity: Housing is connected to identity, security, and safety. The home you live in, or don’t live in, and the location, adds to your identity. It also adds to your stress level.

Change: Even when you live in more than one place by choice, with more than one house, your identity changes with each location. There can be grief when you relocate for a season. Even when you choose to move and you are excited about the move, there can be grief around what you are letting go.

Struggle: Shame is connected to different living situations, needing help, foreclosure, bankruptcy, homelessness.

This is where we begin the conversation of Flip the Script on Housing.

Day 71 Prompts:

  • Reflect on different places you have lived.
  • Explore the idea around identity and housing. What have been some of your experiences?
  • Write a list of all the places you have lived and the circumstances at each location.
  • Have you ever received an eviction notice? Write about that experience or the feelings that rise even thinking about eviction.

To read all 100 days of Flip the Script, go to Medium: https://andreahylen.medium.com/

International Women’s Day 2018: Slowly a New Path Has Emerged

Screen Shot 2018-03-05 at 4.56.08 PMSpoken at the Academy Awards on Sunday night, March 4, 2018:

“This year, many spoke their truth, and the journey ahead is long, but slowly a new path has emerged,” Annabella Sciorra

“The changes we are witnessing are being driven by the powerful sound of new voices, of different voices, of our voices, joining together in a mighty chorus that is finally saying ‘time’s up,” Ashley Judd

″So we salute those unstoppable spirits who kicked ass and broke through the biased perceptions against their gender, their race and ethnicity to tell their stories.” Salma Hayek

Watching the Academy Awards in the living room, by myself, on Sunday night, I found myself cheering, holding my breath, jumping off the couch with a Yes! and feeling the winds of change. We have reached another tipping point. There is momentum and there is a lot of work to do to keep this going. It is about speaking up and holding for change and giving time and space for the culture to change, too. That is what is required for change.

Change takes time.

There was a moment last week when Jimmy Kimmel, the host of the Oscars, was asked about #metoo being talked about at the Oscars. He was quoted as saying, “This show is not about reliving people’s sexual assaults — it’s an awards show for people who have been dreaming about maybe winning an Oscar for their whole lives. And the last thing I want to do is ruin that for someone, by making it unpleasant.”

When I first read his words, I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach, a feeling I have had many times in my 60 years. Being told to keep my mouth shut, not to make waves, to turn down my light and not to mention the things that would make people feel uncomfortable and of course, not to be unpleasant.

Jimmy Kimmel later clarified that #metoo conversations would be a part of the show and that his words were taken out of context. There is a culture change happening and it is going to be uncomfortable for women and men as we make changes. Let’s remember that.

Change takes time.

When I saw the Time magazine cover from January, with photos of strong women and the words The Silence Breakers, I felt a rush of gratitude and hope for the future. It’s been a long time coming and now that the door is open it is going to take all of us to keep it open and find our way into this new world. There are moments now, when I feel the relief of what is being uncovered. There are moments when I feel impatient  and frustrated that the process of change is so slow. And then I remember…

Change takes time.

Screen Shot 2018-03-06 at 5.32.20 PMMy personal story is, I left an abusive marriage in 1987. I had to fight for my children and go for psychological testing because no one in my family or his family could understand why I would leave this marriage. No one understood what the abuse had done to me and how broken I was at that time. The abuse and alcoholism were accepted as normal. I was supposed to accept that I “made my bed and I had to lie in it.” I was shamed and shunned for using my voice. Looking back, I can see that the creation of Heal My Voice began during that time but it took 30 more years of personal growth and experiences of trauma, loss and grief before I could start the organization and hold a space for women to write and heal and step into greater leadership in their lives.

Heal My Voice was started in 2011 as a way for women to break the silence. For seven years, we have been meeting in secret Facebook groups, behind closed doors, healing our voices and writing 200 stories. Each story was written over a 9 month period in a community of women. The women had the courage to go down into the emotional basement of their lives to tell the truth of what happened to them. By shining a light on the shadow, they have emerged ready to step into greater leadership in their families, communities, businesses and the world. We are ready. It is time.

Change takes time.

How many of you have been the silence breakers in your family and business? How many of you have been chipping away at a broken system for years? How many of you have been a part of the women’s liberation movement and the mankind project and using your voice?

Screen Shot 2018-03-06 at 5.30.36 PMWe are entering a time of even more chaos that will allow us to break free from an old broken system and to rebuild together. There is a climate for change and change takes time with an upheaval, a feeling of “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore,” or a quiet, compelling pull from the Universe. “It’s time.”  The next steps for change come with a plan and a structure and the willingness and courage to do the inner work, as well as, the outer work. The next steps involve consistent action, rest, perseverance, patience and courage.

Change takes time.

It is our time. If you don’t see the impact immediately or you see the old culture raising it’s ugly head, keep going. Let’s roll up our sleeves and use the momentum and timing to implement more change. Women and men together. Let’s do it!

 

 

315353_10201052497332086_1044127686_nAndrea Hylen believes in the power of our voices to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and coaching others to do the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

Living in Flow: Expectations and Change

Day 75 of 100 days of Blogging

I intuitively felt that December was the month to come to New York for ten days. Spending time with my granddaughter and daughter and son-in-law, speaking at a Dramatic Adventure Theater Travelogue, spending time with friends socially and professionally and of course, December in New York City. What a great time of year to be here! I think of Rockefeller Center, Holiday decorations, Rockettes, FAO Schwartz toy store, Hot chocolate, ice skating and snow. I think of cold weather. Bundle up in your boots and winter coat.

But this year something is very different. The weather is unseasonably warm. It feels like springtime. And although I am used to the warm weather in Los Angeles and Florida this time of year, it is hard to really feel the anticipation of Christmas which is less than ten days away. It just kind of feels weird.

So, I have been reflecting on expectations and the ability to flow with change. A change in the weather. A change in a location. A change in life. Staying open to the unexpected and noticing what you feel and how you react.

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The weather is actually awesome! I have been walking between 5 and 8 miles every day. Spending time in coffee shops that I might never have experienced because it would have been too long a walk in boots, snow and cold. I have expanded the range of exploration and I have been noticing signs all around me. Sitting on benches outside of the coffee shop. Lingering longer. And asking questions…

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What does my soul want to experience?

 

Signs and Clues Appear:

I’m a Masterwork in Progress.

I got this!

Keep Generosity Present.

Bliss

The magic of home.

Find Something Shiny and New

 

Hmmm…find something shiny and new. I wonder what that might be.

And just like that, I am invited to participate at a Meet-up event as a Greeter, invited into a deeper conversation, I see two people I know at the coffee shop and then I coach a client on Skype.

I feel connected with the new and the old. I feel something new is opening within me and I am willing to sit in the process of waiting. Something is cooking. I feel connected and curious.

I’m not done!

 

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Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voices to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.