Releasing Judgmental Thoughts and Feelings

Day 41 of 100 days of Blogging

I was leading a women’s circle the other night. It was the first in this community and I was laying out some guidelines. Confidentiality. Share experience. No advice giving.

I was about to say something about judgmental thoughts and feelings and to not judge each other, when a new idea came to me. Judging each other is a natural human phenomenon. I judge you. You judge me. We are all in judgement together.

Instead of pretending it is not there or trying to control your thoughts, I suggested to the women they become aware of it and learn from it. The bigger picture, when we become aware of judging, is what we do next. Gossip, criticize, shame or turn it into an opportunity to learn something about ourselves.

I know when that voice of judgement is turned up inside of me, there is a ton of desire bubbling up and I haven’t figured out how to bring it into the physical yet. Or I haven’t accepted myself just as I am. Because when I judge you, I am actually judging me.

To judge means to form an opinion. Our opinion is based on what we have been taught, conditioning, experience and preference. It is our version of right or wrong.  It is how we make moment by moment choices.

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Try this exercise sometime. You notice that you are judging someone.

Example: She’s too happy or loud and I don’t like her clothes.

Now, turn it back towards you.

*How happy do you allow yourself to be?

*Are you feeling like you have too much responsibility?

*When was the last time you just let yourself be happy and loud?

*Is there an old conditioning, a belief that says women have to act a certain way?

*What is it about her clothes?

*Write down the words and ask yourself what you envy about her clothing choices.

*Do you wish for more freedom? Color? Confidence?

Now you have an awareness of what is underneath all of the judgement and you can make changes…if you wish.

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End the exercise by placing your hand over your heart, close your eyes and repeat over and over, “I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you…”

There is no room in your mind for anything else.




Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: and

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