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Phase Transition: Make Space and Wander

Posted on December 13, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 74 of 100 days of Blogging

There was a moment yesterday when I could see and feel the changes that are happening in my life. And in that moment I felt a little empty like the train had arrived at the station, dropped off all of the passengers and everything stopped. The conductor (me) pulled out the map and sat there figuring out what to do next.

I have arrived at the station after six months of releasing and allowing the space to be empty; To BE instead of DO. I see the beginning of the next phase. More glimpses of what I have been working toward creating. Balance of family, play, work, relationships.

This is one phase of the process of change. I have been through this so many times at different intervals in my life and this is what I notice in this type of phase transition, change and the in-between space:

*I begin to have new or reawakened awareness.

*I make some changes in my life. I experience frustration from some people in my life when I am in this period of change because I am uncomfortable when people ask me questions and I don’t have the answers. They mirror my internal discomfort. Or I notice that when I plan a weekend of pleasure, someone in my life has a crisis and there is an expectation that I need to stop everything to help them, even though they have other people who can help. I am torn between being a good friend or mother or daughter. In that moment, I am in a dilemma of what choice to make. Do I choose to focus on my own needs and desires or put everyone else first. It is uncomfortable and can feel restrictive. I can feel myself frustrated and angry.

*And then it happens, the changes begin to happen and I have what I want. Or I have the beginning of what I want. I have made some changes. People around me have adjusted. I am in a new stream of flow. I know when to help someone or when to practice my own self-care.

*Now, it is up to me.

*Am I going to sabotage the new way of being in subtle or obvious ways? Am I going to do things to pull people into the space where I just got free? Or can I sit in the stillness? In the unknown, uncertainty, unfamiliar space and slow down. Feel what it feels like to be in this next space and continue to let it unfold.

*I remind myself in this phase to stay empty.

*Fill myself slowly and consciously.

*****

An example of a day:

I had a whole day to focus on myself. No appointments or schedules. A day when I could tune in and let my intuition guide me to play, rest, work, have an adventure. Infinite possibilities and choices in this present moment.

I started by connecting with people in the house in Brooklyn where I was staying during my visit to NYC. There were five additional guests for two nights. We ate breakfast together and shared some of the details of our lives.

One of the women asked me about my coaching fees. She is a screenwriter who was hired to write a script for a film. She is experiencing some writer’s block and wanted to work with a coach to connect to the soul of the film. After a brief conversation, she hired me for three sessions and sent me the script draft. We will focus on story development and the connection to the soul; one of the things I LOVE to do in coaching.

After breakfast, I wanted to write and read and hang out in coffee shops and bookstores in Brooklyn and the East or West Village in New York. So, I googled coffee shops and picked the first destination.

I had a conversation with my oldest daughter and let her know I was available to babysit at their home in Queens in the evening so she and her husband could have some time together. We decided to connect later about the timing. I offered because I like to spend time with my granddaughter and it felt like the last time I could offer babysitting in the next few days before going back to Washington, DC.

Text from my daughter: Thanks for the offer. I am going into the city. I need to check with Jesse after he auditions the directors. Will let you know later this afternoon.

Now, it is late afternoon. I have several desires. The Strand Bookstore. A coffee shop in West Village. Regal Cinema in Union Square. I find myself moving in slow motion. I am not clear on my desire. I go slower so I can listen and feel connected to what I really want. I stand in the Regal Cinema lobby looking at the film choices and timing. I want to see The Danish Girl but if I babysit, it doesn’t look like I will have time. After ten minutes of standing there in uncertainty, I decide to move onto the busy, streets of New York.

The Strand Bookstore is in the next block. It is packed. Holiday and weekend shopping. I slowly walk up and down the aisles and move back onto the street. Too crowded. Not the right place for me today.

I walk around the block. Feeling. Thinking. Noticing. Letting myself feel empty and uncertain. I am in unfamiliar territory. It is a new place inside of me. A bubbling well that must be emptied to cultivate the next…

The key to discover the next path is to slow down.

I pause in front of a story and remember I have been craving pizza for a week. I feel a Yes inside of me. I notice the store right next to me is called Pie by the Pound. A restaurant that specializes in gluten free pizza. I pause for a moment and stand there checking within to feel my desire before going inside. I choose 4 different kinds of pizza. 4 small rectangular slices. Eat slowly. Enjoy this new experience. Gluten free, flat pizza. I eat until I am full then save the rest for later.

I look at the movie choices at the Regal Cinema again on my iPhone. Brooklyn is the next film showing. I am staying in Brooklyn so my curiosity piques. Film Description: An Irish immigrant in 1950s New York. She moves to America for an opportunity. When something happens at home in Ireland, she returns and must face a choice to stay in her old life in Ireland or return to her new life in America.

I feel a synchronicity. Letting go of the old. Making room for the new.

I purchase my movie ticket. Get settled in my seat and just as I reach to turn off my phone, I see a text from my sister: “Spoke to Dad this afternoon. He is so happy to be home. They had a health care professional visit and Dad is able to get all of the services he needs. He was really excited and happy. The health care person went around the house and made sure it was all safe for him.”

There is a moment when I feel I am not needed and I feel a loss. It is a blip on my emotional screen. I notice it. A moment of feeling: what is my value in the family if I am not there? I take a deep breath. Appreciate that I am connected to my family and that I do not have to be the caretaker. I CAN live my life and create new experiences. I CAN schedule time for me and know that everyone else is already cared for!

The film was perfect. I can feel it deeply. I recognize the feelings of letting go of one place to receive the next place.

Text from my daughter: Mom, thanks for the offer. We are exhausted from the auditions today. Jesse and Lucille sound asleep.

Another blip of loss. I am not needed. And then I feel the freedom.

It is 8pm on a Saturday night and I am in NYC with crazy, drunk Santa’s running around. Literally, throngs of people dressed up in the masculine and feminine versions of Santa with costumes, hats and bells. I walk slowly. I notice how other people are spending their Saturday night. Two drunk people weaving down the street brush up against me. Couples laughing and hugging. Groups of women with full shopping bags. Families huddled together, holding hands. A motor home with Hanukkah songs playing music on speakers intermingled with Christmas music. A police mobile station and people inside with ice packs on their heads.

This is a new beginning for me. What do I want to do right now?

I see THINK Coffee and decide to get a latte. Be silent. Reflect on my life before children. Reflect on my life before marriage. Reflect on the new desires that are emerging.

I dive into reading the yummy script of my new client.

I notice I am happy.

Me. NYC. Latte. Reading and writing in a little nook in THINK Coffee. Doing exactly what I want to be doing and being, right now.

After a few hours, I walk 1.3 miles to the M Train, choosing to walk instead of riding another train and transferring. The weather is gorgeous. NYC feels so good. I feel so good.

I arrive back in Brooklyn around midnight. Ten minutes later the house is filled with people arriving back from a class and dinner.

Briefly checking in with people before heading downstairs to my bedroom. Climbing into bed with a smile on my face.

The end of a New Day.

**********

Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voices to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

Posted in An Evolutionary Woman's Journey Series, Carving a New Path

Wandering: The Alchemist

Posted on December 12, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 73 of 100 days of Blogging

Today is a day of wandering. Sitting in silence. Listening for an inspiration. Asking the question: What does my soul want to experience today?

After a morning of reading, connecting with housemates and writing, I felt the inspiration to spend the day in several coffee shops.

First stop is The Swallow Cafe, 49 Bogart Street, Brooklyn, New York. East Williamsburg area.

Local community. Great coffee. Place is booming with conversation and creativity.

I feel inspired…so, here it is…

The inspiration is for me to start writing a book. It is not a new idea. I have many books on Amazon that were co-created with women in Heal My Voice programs. I have many drafts of several books. The bubbling idea at the moment is to look back at the reams of personal writing and create my own book. Create space and time for writing it. The whispers are getting louder.

I spent the evening with a writer last night. In the cafe now, I find myself rewinding and reviewing the conversation in my mind. I begin by opening a new word document and reading my writing, exploring any hints or clues about what I want to express.

I came across a blogpost I wrote from a concert tour I went on with my teenage daughter during the summer of 2009. A spontaneous conversation with a drummer, Mike Bedard who was on tour with Jordin Sparks. A moment when I saw him outside the concert venue and I took the time to reach out and tell him how much I enjoyed watching him perform. When I shared that this was the 42nd concert on our adventure that summer, he asked if I had read The Alchemist. An hour later, we finished our conversation and his manager found some free tickets for my daughter and me. An unexpected offer and gift.

I am inspired once again by The Alchemist. Wondering if there is a story for me to share…

Words from Wikipedia that pop out at me today:

*It’s what you have always wanted to accomplish

*…whoever you are, or whatever it is that you do, when you really want something, it’s because that desire originated in the soul of the universe.

*It’s your mission on Earth.

I connect with those words and let them simmer as I pack up my bags.

Hopping on the L train in Brooklyn and heading to a bookstore in the East Village for more inspiration:

The Strand…

*****

Here is a brief description of a part of, “The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo,” as summarized in Wikipedia.

“Central to the novel is the concept of a Personal Legend. Santiago first learns of one’s Personal Legend from The King of Salem, who tells him “It’s what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, when they are young, knows what their Personal Legend is.”^[10] He expounds on this, saying “…there is one great truth on this planet: whoever you are, or whatever it is that you do, when you really want something, it’s because that desire originated in the soul of the universe. It’s your mission on earth.”^[10] The King also tells Santiago of the importance of following the omens on the journey to realizing one’s personal legend. Coelho follows this advice himself; he will only start writing a book after finding a white feather.^[11]“

**********

Posted in An Evolutionary Woman's Journey Series

Building Trust with the Universe (and yourself)

Posted on December 11, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 72 of 100 days of Blogging

TRUST: ” I believe the Universe responds to your intent,” he agrees enthusiastically. “But, a large part of that is trust. You need to trust that you can do what it is you set out to do, and even if you’re not getting external validation, you need to trust the universe to support you.” ~Dr. Andrew Weil

Here is the key to trust. We have all had an experience where something magical has happened. All of the pieces fell into place and things came together. A moment when you trusted the universe. Right now, take a moment and tune into something. Let your intuition remind you of an experience, a person, a moment in time when you felt trust.

Then, that becomes your talisman. The thing you use to remind you that you can trust the universe. You may even have an object that you can use as a touchstone. A crystal, a stone, something that fits in your hand and is easy to carry with you.

Trust is a practice…

Another way of building trust with the Universe and with your intuition is to create space to wander. Once a week or once a month, whatever works in your schedule at the moment, carve out time when you have open space. Sit and meditate. Ask for inspiration. Then, spend the day in flow. Following one inspiration after another…

Tomorrow, I am spending my day that way. Wandering. Listening.

Stay tuned. More will be shared…

**********

Posted in Inspiration

Orgasmic Meditation: Why I OM

Posted on December 10, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 71 of 100 days of Blogging

I dreamed I was a butterfly, flitting around in the sky; then I awoke. Now I wonder: Am I a (wo)man who dreamt of being a butterfly, or am I a butterfly dreaming that I am a (wo)man? ~Zhuangzi

My adventure with Orgasmic Meditation has been just like that. The 15 minute partnered practice has awakened parts of me that have been asleep. Through the light, gentle stroking of my clitoris, I wonder sometimes if I am the woman or the butterfly or dreaming. It is a powerful practice. For those of us who have been doing it for 3 years, 5 years, 10 years… it still feels weird sometimes.

What is OM Blogpost

January 19, 2013:

My first OM felt like I was home, like I had been waiting for this all my life. I know that women talk a lot about the vulnerability of taking off their pants and getting into the nest for the first time. I still feel that sometimes. The first time, it felt a little clinical. Fifteen years earlier, I taught 500 medical students how to do the pelvic exam and breast exam. Sitting in the exam room as a patient, I gave them the verbal overview of details, then using my body I taught them step by step how to touch and examine the patient. I did that for five years in 1998-2003 at Johns Hopkins University. So, taking off my pants with a stranger felt natural.

As soon as the stroker sat in the nest for our first OM, I had a feeling that we could heal relationships between women and men on the entire planet, just by sitting in the nest and connecting. Throughout the first OM, my clitoris was numb. I was aware of tingling on my forehead and heat in my chest. With no sex or touch for 8 years since my husband died, this light stroking was uncovering, polishing and waking up sensation.

A few weeks later, in the 12th OM, I felt sexual and wanted to have sex with the guy. We had a mental connection and then the physical desire startled and freaked me out. I decided to OM for 50 times, then 100 times before I would even think about having sex with anyone. I wanted to explore the range of sensations that were possible and to let go of any feeling of commerce. (Commerce as in… You did this to me. Now, I do something to you or for you.) After 8 months of OMing, the desire to have sex was so strong I connected with a partner and then an intimacy research partner. Connecting to what I wanted. Not what I thought I should or shouldn’t want.

I began my practice consciously and deliberately. Journaling. Noticing feelings. OMing mainly in circles and in organized groups in Los Angeles. During the first Introduction to Orgasmic Meditation class, I set an intention that I would live in an OM house, a place where people share housing, live in community with “normal” lives and have a morning practice together. When the first house was organized in Venice, CA in June 2013, I was one of the residents. For one year, I had the experience of having a morning practice and running my on-line business out of the house. I took classes, traveled for business and pleasure, learned to live in an ever changing community with a wide range of ages and I discovered more of who I am. #grateful

When I reached 1000 OMs in September 2015, I decided to begin again. Let go of what I think I know about this OM practice and go deeper. Wipe the slate clean. Open myself to a new experience. I committed to being part of core leadership in DC. Keith Byrd is the owner of the OneTaste affiliate and he has welcomed me to co-teach the Intro To OM classes with him. We taught 8 new people in DC last weekend!

To go deeper in my practice, I reserved a room at the Brooklyn, New York OM House Dec 10-17 to immerse myself in OM community living and conversations, daily OMing, and Meet-up events for a week. I am ready to peel away another layer and discover more of me. Opening to the mystery of what is possible. Knowing that OM may seem like a strange journey at times and knowing that it has unlocked things in me that thirty years of deep personal growth work had only touched the tip. OMing goes right into layers of the body and unlocks blocked emotions, uncovers desire and frees me to be me!

To the adventure!

**********

Posted in Orgasmic Meditation

Setting Intentions: Using Tools, Containers and Numbers

Posted on December 9, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 70 of 100 days of Blogging

My oldest daughter, Mary, and I are Fitbit Crazy!

Fitbit has different products for tracking activities. We both wear a wristband and use the App on our phone and computer to see the daily (or hourly) progression of information. Primarily, I use it for recording the number of steps I walk every day. I have it set to a 10,000 step goal because, “10,000 steps a day is a rough equivalent to the Surgeon General’s recommendation to accumulate 30 minutes of activity most days of the week. It should be enough to reduce your risk for disease and help you lead a longer, healthier life. The benefits are many: lower BMI, reduced waist size, increased energy, and less risk for Type II diabetes and heart disease. In fact, a recent study of the 10,000 steps a day method reported conclusive health benefits.” ~From a Blogpost on the Fitbit site

https://blog.fitbit.com/the-magic-of-10000-steps/

I purchased a Fitbit last May after a long winter of sitting at a table 12 hours a day. Computer work. On-line business. Coaching calls on SKYPE. Heal My Voice project editing and taxes and phone meetings. I had gained 20 lbs in a year of living on the road and I could feel how weak and out of shape my body felt. To get my body moving with a daily goal and to raise my awareness about how much I was moving, or not, I purchased my first Fitbit. Seeing the number of steps throughout the day encouraged me to take an extra walk, jump around and exercise so I could reach the 10,000 or more steps.

My daughter Mary purchased her Fitbit in August. She knew her life was changing. After leaving a job and traveling internationally with Dramatic Adventure Theatre for two months, she arrived home in New York to a new lifestyle; staying at home with her two year old. She knew she would have to become more conscious of going for walks and exercising and she was also curious to see how many steps she was actually moving.

At Thanksgiving, Mary challenged me to the Daily Challenge on the Fitbit app. It is set up in a way to encourage and inspire each other to meet the daily goal we each set. Throughout the day, Fitbit sends us each messages to cheer each other on. Mary and I send each other cheers and support and ideas to help us meet our goals. We send suggestions like, have a dance party, walk to the labyrinth, walk the track a few more laps.

The power of the Fitbit has also brought more awareness to eating and drinking water and sleeping. Overall self-care.

Mary and I were talking about the power of having a tool that measures our progress. More than a goal I see it as an intention. My intention is to take better care of my body and Fitbit is a tool that has been working for us both.

There are other ways I have used tools, containers and numbers to set and hold intentions. When I decided to write 100 blogposts in 100 days, my intention was to see what topics I was interested in writing about and to see where people wanted to engage with me on topics. My intention is to use the writing as a tool of exploration. I use the app Notes on my computer to record ideas and I set the intention of using 100 days as a way to go deeper, to uncover more layers, to stay focused and conscious.

When I hosted 44 radio shows in 44 days in 2010, my intention was to raise awareness and to provide support for people who were grieving during the holidays. I used a flip chart to list all of the dates and filled in topics and guests. The flip chart, the commitment to showing up every day for 44 days stretched me.

Setting an intention. Using tools. Defining a container of time and using numbers.

It works!

**********

Posted in Inspiration, Intention

A Memory: Merry Christmas Darling

Posted on December 8, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 69 of 100 days of Blogging

In New York, my oldest daughter and I were planning a small Christmas cookie baking activity to share with her 2 year old daughter (my granddaughter.) I was searching on Spotify for a Christmas playlist to add to the Christmas Spirit. Choosing the Classic Channel the first songs were White Christmas, Jingle Bells, and Santa Baby. We were mixing the sugar cookie dough and singing to the songs.

When the next song began to play, a wave of memories brought a lump to my throat.

Greeting cards have all been sent
The Christmas rush is through
But I still have one wish to make
A special one for you

I could feel my heart skip a beat. The song transported me back to 1977. Temple University. Third year of college. A boyfriend I met that fall who I deeply loved. This would be our first Christmas since we started dating. The unfortunate part was I was going to be in California and he would be in Pennsylvania. Both of us had holiday plans that had been scheduled before we met. I wanted to give him something with heart felt meaning. So, I sang and recorded a cover song for him to open on Christmas.

With a sweet, tender voice of love I sang:

Merry Christmas Darling
We’re apart that’s true
But I can dream and in my dreams
I’m Christmasing with you.

(One of his sisters told me later, that the moment he opened the present and saw an audio, he left the family celebration and ran up to his room to listen to the song in private.)

As the song continued to play, tears burned my eyes. There was this mixture of love, sadness, and loss. The end of our marriage was the end of hopes and dreams. It ended with a crazy divorce with anger and hurt and meanness. It took several years to go through the court system and finalize the divorce. It took 15 more years to finish raising our daughters with many variations of co-parenting. We did raise our two little girls and they are now all grown up and sharing their hearts and inspiration with the world. One of them is married and a mother living in NYC and co-leading a non-profit organization with her husband. The other daughter lives in Baltimore. She is teaching special education in Baltimore City and has an equally amazing man in her life.

Even though I left the marriage in 1987 with a broken heart and even though the 28 years since then have been filled with challenges, when I heard the song today, all I wanted to focus on was the love. I played it over and over until that is all I felt. The desire I had to share my heart and soul with him. Our two daughters were two of the gifts from our ten years together. I am grateful.

Merry Christmas Darling…

Merry Christmas Darling

Greeting cards have all been sent
The Christmas rush is through
But I still have one wish to make
A special one for you

Merry Christmas Darling
We’re apart that’s true
But I can dream and in my dreams
I’m Christmasing with you

Holidays are joyful
There’s always something new
But ev’ryday’s a holiday
When I’m near to you

The lights on my tree
I wish you could see
I wish it ev’ry day
Logs on the fire
Fill me with desire
To see you and to say

That I wish you Merry Christmas
Happy New Year too
I’ve just one wish on this Christmas eve
I wish I were with you

The logs on the fire
Fill me with desire
To see you and to say

That I wish you Merry Christmas
Happy New Year too
I’ve just one wish on this Christmas eve
I wish I were with you
I wish I were with you

**********

Posted in Grief Transformation, Music Inspiration

Feminism: Awareness is the First Key to Change

Posted on December 7, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 68 of 100 days of Blogging

A friend of mine, a man, shared a post in a Facebook community of men and women who are exploring the new masculine. His post began by stating how his knowledge of feminism has increased 1,000 fold in the last few weeks. He decided to learn more about the feminist movement and do some research about what rights (money, property, marital and more) women have received since he was born almost 50 years ago.

Women were not allowed to take out a business loan without having a male relative cosign until 1988! Think about how that impacted women and what they would believe about their ability to start a business or be a business woman. They needed a male relative to cosign for them. Think about how men would be conditioned to think that women were incompetent to run a business without the support of a man.

I was eight years out of college at that time, working as a Project Manager in Epidemiological Research at Johns Hopkins and the mother of two daughters. And if I had wanted to start a business, I would have needed my father or another male relative to cosign on the loan!

My friend who posted this information has a new awareness and is awakening to the male privilege he didn’t even realize he had. He wants to take more responsibility for his role in the perpetuation of old standards and he is asking questions so he can change his perspective and learn how to support his teenage daughter as she grows into her power as a woman.

After reading his post, I wrote this comment.

Your words really stirred something in me. My whole body was buzzing as I tried to sleep last night. First, thank you for posting. I know I have so many layers of feelings. I feel like I could write a book in response to your question about asking women to share the hate they feel towards men.

For now, I will begin with this. I was born in 1956. I know you asked women to express the hate they have towards men. More than hate, I would say that I feared men. My mom stayed at home and we depended on my dad for our survival needs. Food, shelter, clothing. We were taught to behave and be quiet when he was home because it was his castle and his money. The message I received was to be good and quiet and not to upset him. Many experiences reinforced that message and that was enough to anchor the childhood fear and teach me to go underground with my voice.

One of the ways I have worked on healing this personally and in my work with women is to look at how the history of not being able to own property or have our own bank accounts is in our lineage. Women were property still ripples into our relationships with women in the form of competition for a man. It is the gossipy, back biting, passive-aggressive communication when women feel they have no voice. As much as men, that has involved healing with women first and building trust in our relationships. Understanding the roots of our lineage and the changes that have been taking place step by step and how we still are in a process of changing that old conditioning.

One of the ways I have healed is by practicing Orgasmic Meditation (OM) for 3 years and by living in an OM community with men and women for one year. I see men in a new light. I have a lot less fear and increased love and compassion. Both Robert Kandell and Ken Blackman, the leaders in this secret Facebook group and two of my teachers in the OM community were instrumental in me learning how to tap into more of my power by supporting me in claiming my personal power, owning my desires and breaking through to reach into the power of my sexuality. That is where I have the deepest desire for living life fully and the “nice” girl had to move to the side. In this OM practice, everything changed. The way I run my business, my writing, the claiming of my sexuality and power.

As for my daughters who are now 32, 30, and 22, I have worked with educating, changing patterns, encouraging their voices, and teaching them how to connect with men. The process of changing my own interactions and focusing on my personal growth began when they were born. I taught them to listen, to speak, to stand up for what they believe in. Leaving my husband in 1987 and breaking that pattern of accepting abuse was the way I demonstrated for them. Things are shifting. New legislation is one thing. Changing the mindset and re-callibrating to that change can take a generation or two.

When I was about to graduate high school in 1975, my mother told me I could do or be anything. Saying that and modeling it or providing guidance for that was another thing. It was assumed I would go to college but I received zero guidance for that and there was still the expectation that I would find a husband in college. I got married. Worked full time. Gave birth to two daughters. Maintained the home. Cooked, cleaned, found child care. Took off from work when my kids were sick. It was insane. Now my oldest daughter is married and has a two year old. She wants her husband to help more at home. They run a business together. I can see that some progress has been made in expecting they both take care of their child and I also see the brunt of the home stuff falls on my daughter. Now, I am her coach. I have been teaching her to specifically ask for what she needs on a daily basis with her husband and I can see the shifting for the next generation. More communication. More teamwork in a marriage. More connection. Her generation will take it to the next level and so on…

What are your thoughts about feminism? What are your thoughts about the changing roles for men and women? Please share your voice in the comment section.

**********

Posted in Transformation

Dramatic Adventure Theater: Travelogue Reading December 2015

Posted on December 6, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 67 of 100 days of Blogging

Tonight I had an opportunity to share a reading about a travel experience in New York City at a Dramatic Adventure Travelogue Event.

Event Description:

WE TELL STORIES (and drink sangria specials!) at this FREE event at New World Stages!!!!

In addition to hearing from a handful of curated special guest writers/performers at each event, this is also an opportunity for you to tell a story from your travels off the cuff or to bring in a prepared essay, journal entry, blog, video, poem, song, or even a piece of fiction that you created about/while traveling–domestically, internationally, or even from one side of the city to the other! (At least four to five story-tellers will be pulled from a hat so, if you’re interested, be sure to drop your name in when our host passes it around!)

Even if you don’t share a story, come listen, reunite, and hug us!!!! It’s been too long! If we’ve never met, then it’s REALLY been too long; introduce yourself!

For more information for the next event in 2016:

Visit www.dramaticadventure.com

My STORY:

It was always hard to sleep the night before flying from New York to San Francisco. Always an early flight, I feared I would sleep through the alarm and not be ready when the taxi cab driver would ring the bell to the apartment. Then, there was the fire in my belly, the anticipation of seeing the man who was my intimacy research partner for 8 months. One week per month we would meet in San Francisco with three weeks apart to live our lives. Staying in contact through text messages and once a week a long Facetime conversation.

So, let me back up for a minute. A few years ago, I lived in Los Angeles and traveled to Baltimore, New York and San Francisco every month. This lasted for eight months.

I teach a 15-minute partnered practice called Orgasmic Meditation and for 18 months, I studied and learned and Immersed myself in this consciousness practice.

The crazy thing about that immersion was an unexpected thing that happened. The feeling sensation in my body increased so much that I could feel a distinct, palpable difference in every city I visited. From earthy to spine tingling to heart expanding, there was a flavor in each location that was unique.

The rhythm of each month began in LA. Waking up early for morning practice with my ten housemates. Then, sitting outside with a hot cup of coffee before heading to the airport. Watching the hummingbirds flitting from Bird of Paradise to Chinese Bell Flower, their beaks inserted into the crevices of flowers to drink the nectar. Me in my flip flops and sundress taking one last breath in our tropical backyard. Then off to the airport. The feel of LAX, with the sun shining and a light breeze maintaining the temperate climate, where it was common to see a movie star waiting in the security line or walking through the airport with a purse dog in a bag on one arm, designer handbag on the other and trying to achieve some level of anonymity by hiding behind sunglasses. The airport feels surreal like the backlot on a movie studio. Lots of action, cameras, stars and unexpected moments with all of us playing the part of the extras in the film.

Arriving in Baltimore five hours later, feeling the grounded, earthiness. No pretense. The Balmore accent melded with local colloquialisms, like, “Hey Hon, you goin’ down da ocean for your birfday?” Always a friend waiting at the curbside to pick me up. Catching up on the ups and downs of life. A pull out couch with flannel sheets waiting for my arrival. A cup of tea. A space heater. A chair pulled to the side of the couch for me to use as a side table.

After a week of coffee house Board meetings and writing workshops for lower income women in Baltimore I get on the Megabus to New York. Balancing my computer on my lap and a cup of Zeke’s coffee in the other hand. (Bad Birds of Baltimore, the preferred choice), sometimes paying the extra $9 for the front row, upper deck seat so I can see the NYC iconic skyline and feel the rush of adrenaline at first sight. Suddenly I am in the city feeling the exhilarating energy of beating hearts, mind racing conversation intermixed with multicultural mixtures of languages.

My body is buzzing with excitement when the bus stops at the corner near Times Square. I hop off the bus, grab the handle of my suitcase and jump into the flow of the crowd like a school girl waiting for the moment when it is my turn to play Double Dutch. Jumping in with my own fancy footwork. I frequently break into song when walking in the crowd not caring what anyone else thinks. Give my Regards to Broadway or Jay Z and Alicia Keys Empire State of Mind.

Give my regards to Broadway
Remember me to Herald Square
Tell all the gang at Forty Second Street
That I will soon be there

AND

In New York, concrete jungle where dreams are made of
There’s nothin’ you can’t do
Now you’re in New York
These streets will make you feel brand new
Big lights will inspire you
Let’s hear it for New York, New York,
New York

In New York, I took a course called Orgasm Mastery, became a grandmother to Lucille, and stayed in an actor’s apartment in Queens.

And then it was time for San Francisco and my intimacy partner. He flew from Hamburg, Germany to Paris, France. Always stopping at a gift shop to pick up a little memento like an Eiffel tower keychain or a tin of macarons. We always arranged our flights to arrive at the San Francisco Airport within an hour of each other.

San Francisco has this international feeling intermixed with flower child remnants of the 60’s meets technology of the future. The old and the new feeling youthful and alive. Big ideas. Gold rush. Anything is possible.

Most of the months, I arrive at the airport first. Wheeling my suitcase from domestic flights to international and waiting outside the crowded gate. Unlike domestic flights where a friend or family member picks you up at the curb, international flights have throngs of people waiting. There is a monitor where you can watch the passengers on the last hallway before they emerge into the airport. Anticipation is thick in the air. I anticipate my partner’s arrival along with groups of people, some single and some with small and large groups of families. Some with signs but most with flowers and arms ready to embrace a loved one. I wonder about their stories and watch each arrival during my hour wait. The soldier arriving back from a tour in another land with both woman and man crying in a long embrace. The multi-generational Chinese family embracing an elderly man and woman in a wheelchair. I wonder how long it’s been since they last saw each other. There are outcries with each new recognition of the person emerging through the gate. A young woman in her 20’s arrives. Greeted by a man, a woman and two young children. The children hide behind their mother and the man reaches out with a friendly but formal handshake. I think, maybe this is an Au Pair arriving to care for the children for a year. She is here for an adventure in the United States.

And so it continues until I see him, my partner, on the monitor. My heart starts beating faster. We haven’t seen each other in three weeks. He quickens his step when he sees me at the gate. And with one swift motion like two people in a dance, his arm around me turns me to the exit door right outside the airport where we pause to exchange a long, slow kiss before heading to the BART, arriving at our private room at the International Hostel and beginning our week long adventure.

**********

Posted in An Evolutionary Woman's Journey Series, Orgasmic Meditation

OM Report: Tips for New OMers (Orgasmic Meditation) #26-#32

Posted on December 5, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 66 of 100 Days of Blogging

This is the 6th Blogpost in a series.

Tips #1-#5 are here

Tips #6-#10 are here

Tips #11-#15 are here

Tips #16-#21 are here.

Tips #22-25 are here.

*****

I have been working with a group of coaches in the Washington, DC area to teach Orgasmic Meditation classes, lead TurnOns and start a Women’s Circle to talk about OMing, sexuality and relationships. While researching some information, I found a Facebook page called the OM report where a male practitioner shared some tips for women who were beginning to OM. Lots of great reminders for the men, too.

https://www.facebook.com/theOMreport/posts/889705337783872

In the next few blogs, I have broken down the tips with some personal comments from my experiences with OMing for 3 years.

OM is short for Orgasmic Meditation. It is a fifteen minute partnered practice that involves stroking the upper left hand quadrant of a woman’s clitoris for 15 minutes. OM is a practice between two people that has no goal except to feel what is happening in the moment. Connection. Sensation. Simplicity. Attention.

A frame is a moment in time during your OM, when you felt a physical sensation in your body. This includes temperature, texture, motion, pressure, color, and speed. Sharing a frame is a way to anchor the experience of the OM and the connection. One moment. Focusing on what is present vs what is not.

Some of the tips are for all OMers, some are for women, some are for monogamous OMing, some are for multiple partner OMer. As the saying goes, “Take what you like and leave the rest.”

I have OMed monogamously and with multiple partners. My additional comments refer to both experiences.

Tips for New Female OMers #26: Learn to talk – directly – to your pussy. Ask it (her) straight questions. “Well … did you like that?” “Do you trust him?” Build a relationship with your pussy. Tell it the truth. Keep it safe. Honor it. It will tell you an *amazing* amount of useful info … if you show up as someone that it can trust. And if it doesn’t trust you … work to repair your connection, just as you would with a valued person you were on the outs with.

Notes from Andrea: I trust my pussy to lead me. She is always revealing new things to me. Sometimes I have an answer and understanding about what my pussy is telling me and sometimes there is a sensation or feeling and the answer comes to me days later. I follow her lead and continue to learn new things about her.

What are you noticing about your relationship in trusting your pussy?

Tips for New Female OMers #27: Don’t dress up or put on makeup for the OM / stroker. Part of the practice is leaving everything extra, everything we use to ‘influence’ or ‘game’ the connection we have with other people by the wayside. You just have to show up on time, as is, with your magnificent pussy and receive the tacit approval of having your pussy stroked. No ‘owe-sies’ … no ‘horsetrading’ (“how about an OM for a BJ?”) … no having to negotiate or barter for physical connection.

Notes from Andrea: This one cracked me up because morning practice in LA usually meant rolling out of bed and walking up the stairs and getting into the nest. No one even brushed their teeth. Funny!

Good point from Alutha. You do not have to wear “sexy” clothing or have your hair and makeup perfect for the OM. There are stages in this practice where you may think of this as dating and you are choosing people who you have a sexual attraction to on the outside so you think you have to be something for your OM partner.

Many times, the most potent OM is with the person you are least attracted to physically on the outside. Just get in the nest and OM!

Cleanliness is great. Anything else is extra.

Tips for New OMers #28: “Yes means yes. No means no. No answer means no.” Either partner can ask for an OM. A ‘yes’ or ‘no’ is the only response needed. A woman (or man) owes their partner no explanation … if they give a ‘no.’ None. It *may* be useful to provide more info regards to giving feedback around your decision process / criteria – AND it is *not* required. BTW … if no answer is forthcoming, and you asked clearly, “Would you like to OM?” … and didn’t mumble … take the hint. No answer … means ‘no.’ Don’t badger them. Get coaching from an OM Coach or experienced OMer that you trust around asking for OMs or how you present yourself … if you have concerns about either.

Notes from Andrea: If someone asks me to OM and I have a partner for a circle already, I will say Thank you and please ask me again. Or Thanks for asking, I have partners for the OM circle today. If I have a regular OM partner who I “in-home OM” with and I have decided not to OM with them on a regular basis anymore, I feel it is a courtesy to tell them and share why. If I felt I couldn’t do that on my own, I would ask a community member to mediate a conversation. (Of course, there are different situations and sometimes you just want a break. It is a feeling without a reason.)And like Alutha said, Do you want to OM? A yes or a no is the only response you need to give. It is a part of the OM.

Tips for New OMers #29:

The OM Container matters. And everyone you OM with is being trained in *how* to meet – and respect – a woman. Leave your partner a better stroker then you found them. No poaching in the container (by either of you) … for hugs, kisses, or ‘makeouts.’ The hugs is a big one for west coasters. Do not hug in the nest! It trains the body that if one person *doesn’t* want to hug … something is wrong. THEN it gets ‘tacked’ on to an OM – unnecessarily. Some women have angry OMs… OMs where a lot of fury gets dredged up and ‘metabolized.’ The *last* thing they want after the OM is a hug from their stroker. So, no hugs.

Notes from Andrea: To really get the benefits of OM as a practice, the container is vital to a solid practice. It is important for both strokee and stroker to hold it.

OMing and Sex are 2 different things. If I was going over to someone’s house to have sex, I am all about the adventure. Turn on the music, feed me fruit, lingerie is fun, I will have sex in every room of the house and outside (I love nature!), and on every counter. Follow the sensation and let it take us wherever we both want to go. I love the simplicity of slow, connected sex and bells and whistles are fun.

OM: Keep the nest exactly the same way every time!!!

My vigilance is on heightened alert at even the slightest change. Do not change the location of the pillow. Do not add smells and sounds. As soon as you ask me to OM, the OM begins. And wherever we are going to go is already stirring before I arrive.

The longer you OM, the wider the range and the deeper you can go and the more you can feel and have some idea of what is going to happen in this goal-less practice.

Our OMs may be boring for weeks and that is only preparation for a breakthrough OM where one of us is going to sob for 15 minutes or get in touch with old anger from childhood and release it through my pussy. This is not sex! It is a consciousness practice!! And it is a potent source of power. Don’t mess with the container!

So…I have some strong feelings about this, right? And the main reason is that our OM partnership will end (or maybe I will OM in circle with you) because I can not trust that you will honor the container. I can not trust that I have a safe space to crack open because you have another desire, want or need that you are trying to convey by messing with the nest and I can FEEL it!

And strokees…every time you go along with the adventurous stroker and encourage or accept the breaking of the container, you have messed it up for every strokee who comes after you. If you are going to do that, just have sex with him!

I know it is hard. I feel like a bitch when I have to keep adjusting a stroker about the container. And I don’t want to do it after awhile so I will turn my attention to someone else who wants to OM and keep the container and OM as a practice. It is that vital to my life. Respect the container. Respect the OM. Keep the practice clean.

One more feeling: None of us knows a person’s whole story. You do not know about my history with men or abuse or trauma or trust violation. I need the OM container to peel away layers and reach a place of power that is accessible to all of us in the OM. And if you can’t keep it and you subtly try to add in stuff, I won’t OM with you. I can’t OM with you. My pussy will not allow it.

Okay…now I can breathe again!

Tips for Female New OMers #30: Make sure your partner knows to signal that they have heard – and understood – your requests during the OM … by replying simply, “thank you.” If any stroker refuses to acknowledge your requests … or declines to follow basic, doable requests … toss them back in the pool. They need more training. (Strokers … especially new ones … will get lost easily, and may have difficulty keeping up with requests. I am talking about someone who is aggressively “topping” a woman … someone who has decided they ‘know better’ …then the woman.)

Notes from Andrea: Making requests was really hard for me at first. Partly because I didn’t know what to ask for. I was out of touch with my pussy and any touch just felt good. At the time, LA had an advanced OM course that is like the OM Practice Club (OPC) now. They were giving us more ideas of what to ask for in a request. Exploring the language. At the next OM Circle, I tried asking for an adjustment and the stroker got mad at me. He tried to analyze what he was doing wrong and why I asked for the adjustment. At the time, I didn’t understand why he was mad at me. Now, I see it every once in awhile. It feels like the old conditioning that a man is supposed to know what to do and take the lead in sexuality. It is part of the unraveling we are doing.

It is important for women to ask for adjustments and it is important for men to relax and receive the adjustment. We are unraveling this piece together.

What is your experience?

Tips for New OMers #31: After the OM is complete, share 2 sensory-based frames (“shares”). Stay out of metaphor. This is training to connect “clean” language to your body’s experience. “Clean” language means it is based strictly in the language of your senses … brightness, jolts, heat / coolness, light touch / throbbing … and *not* the language we use to influence or ‘game’ another person to ‘like’ us (“… it was heavenly, Barbara! … will you date me now?”) For more *optional* complex reports / processing … keep it out of the nest … and decidedly post-OM – and mutually consensual. Women have dumped strokers who have insisted on 30-minute post-OM “processing” sessions. “15 minutes, baby. I have a life.” (Use your journal for processing and notetaking. Make ‘process dates’ with other OMers (especially other women) … to compare notes.)

Notes from Andrea: Finding descriptive words for frames takes practice. Most of us do not spend time describing a sensation in our body. In the beginning, you might want to describe it as the heavens opened up and I saw God, or I felt like I was in Egypt in another life or it felt good. Those are not frames.

Examples of frames:

There was a moment when I felt a buzzing in my chest and a ripple of heat went down my left arm.

There was a moment when I felt tingling on the top of my head.

There was a moment when my finger touched the skin on your leg and I felt a puff of heat.

There was a moment when I felt prickly shards of glass in my clit.

Take your time. Practice. Less is more.

Also, the post OM processing sessions, many times in the DC area, it takes me an hour to get to someone’s house. So, two hours of driving and an hour for OMing is already a 3 hour commitment. I prefer to limit the processing and let the experience be the connection. When you are really focused in the OM, you know everything you need to know about me. My pussy is speaking to you. For an ongoing, regular practice, keep it to OMing. If you want more processing time, come to Saturday night TurnOn and go out to dinner with the group afterwards.

Tips for New OMers #32: Last … have every new / existing stroker you partner with read this OM Report list. Get a firm thumbs up on *all* of the items. If they waver on one … find out which and discuss it. Bring an OM coach / experienced OMer you trust in to referee … on disputed points.

Generally … the person with the pussy holds the tie-breaker.

OM REPORT by ALUTHA J.

https://www.facebook.com/theOMreport/posts/889705337783872

**********

Andrea Hylen at Agape in Los Angeles

Posted in Orgasmic Meditation

A Theme Song for Your Life: Make it Mine

Posted on December 4, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 65 of 100 days of Blogging

Do you have a song that is your theme song? A song that helps you to remember your purpose, your reason for living? I have a lot of songs I listen to that have special meanings, but hands down, the song that continues to motivate and inspire me to follow my heart and live my purpose is Make it Mine by Jason Mraz

In 2009, when I was following my inner guidance to sell my house, possessions and move from Maryland to California, I played this song every day. I find now that when I listen to this song, I play it 5-10 times in a row. There is always a line that pops out to inspire me in the moment.

Today, the words that popped out were:

Listen to your voice
The one that tells you to taste past the tip of your tongue
Leap and the net will appear

I am headed to New York City for 10 days and I feel like there are some new things to discover. I am going to practice patience, deeper listening, and willingness to see something new. Letting go of having all of the answers. Open to receiving signs, clues, messages. With 35 days of blogging left to reach 100 days of blogging, I am diving deeper.

Here are some of the other lines and my words that impacted me in 2009:

Wake up everyone:

I felt I was waking up to the next part of my life. Being willing to appreciate and release my old life. Opening my arms to receive the new. Standing at the beginning of the path.

Listen to your voice: Deeper listening and stillness was necessary. And waiting before following inspired action.

Leap and the net will appear: It required a risk with trust and no guarantees. Leaping, trusting my gut and expecting there would be a net.

Over to a table at the Gratitude Cafe: A restaurant around the corner from where I lived a few years after moving to LA.

And I am finally there
And all the angels they’ll be singing
Ah la la la ah la la la I la la la la love you: Knowing that I am loved and cared for even when it appears that things are falling apart. That there would be moments of feeling like I am finally there.

And timing’s everything: Trust in the timing. One step at a time.

I don’t wanna wait no more
Oh, I wanna celebrate the whole world: NOW! No more waiting. Let go and go for it! Live a Life Worth Celebrating.
Following your joy: Embrace the joy!

I am open: Stay open!

Make it all mine: LIVE your LIFE!

Thank you, Jason.

What is your song? Post in the comments…

All of the lyrics and a Youtube video:

Wake up everyone

How can you sleep at a time like this
Unless the dreamer is the real you
Listen to your voice
The one that tells you to taste past the tip of your tongue
Leap and the net will appear

I don’t wanna wake before
The dream is over
I’m gonna make it mine
Yes i… I’ll know it
I’m gonna make it mine
Yes I’ll make it all mineI keep my life on a heavy rotation
Requesting that it’s lifting you up
Up up and away
And over to a table at the Gratitude CaféAnd I am finally there
And all the angels they’ll be singing
Ah la la la ah la la la I la la la la love youI don’t wanna break before
The tour is over
I’m gonna make it mine
Yes i…I’ll own it
I’m gonna make it mine
Yes I’ll make it all mineAnd timing’s everything
And this time there’s plenty
I am balancing
Careful and steady
And reveling in energy that everyone’s emitting

I don’t wanna wait no more
Oh, I wanna celebrate the whole world
I’m gonna make it mine
Because I’m following your joy
I’m gonna make it mine
Because I… I am open
I’m gonna make it mine
that’s why I will show it
I’m gonna make it all mine
It’s mine…
Yes I will make it all mine

***********

Posted in Music Inspiration

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