Day 66 of 100 Days of Blogging
This is the 6th Blogpost in a series.
Tips #1-#5 are here
Tips #6-#10 are here
Tips #11-#15 are here
Tips #16-#21 are here.
Tips #22-25 are here.
I have been working with a group of coaches in the Washington, DC area to teach Orgasmic Meditation classes, lead TurnOns and start a Women’s Circle to talk about OMing, sexuality and relationships. While researching some information, I found a Facebook page called the OM report where a male practitioner shared some tips for women who were beginning to OM. Lots of great reminders for the men, too.
In the next few blogs, I have broken down the tips with some personal comments from my experiences with OMing for 3 years.
OM is short for Orgasmic Meditation. It is a fifteen minute partnered practice that involves stroking the upper left hand quadrant of a woman’s clitoris for 15 minutes. OM is a practice between two people that has no goal except to feel what is happening in the moment. Connection. Sensation. Simplicity. Attention.
A frame is a moment in time during your OM, when you felt a physical sensation in your body. This includes temperature, texture, motion, pressure, color, and speed. Sharing a frame is a way to anchor the experience of the OM and the connection. One moment. Focusing on what is present vs what is not.
Some of the tips are for all OMers, some are for women, some are for monogamous OMing, some are for multiple partner OMer. As the saying goes, “Take what you like and leave the rest.”
I have OMed monogamously and with multiple partners. My additional comments refer to both experiences.
Tips for New Female OMers #26: Learn to talk – directly – to your pussy. Ask it (her) straight questions. “Well … did you like that?” “Do you trust him?” Build a relationship with your pussy. Tell it the truth. Keep it safe. Honor it. It will tell you an *amazing* amount of useful info … if you show up as someone that it can trust. And if it doesn’t trust you … work to repair your connection, just as you would with a valued person you were on the outs with.
Notes from Andrea: I trust my pussy to lead me. She is always revealing new things to me. Sometimes I have an answer and understanding about what my pussy is telling me and sometimes there is a sensation or feeling and the answer comes to me days later. I follow her lead and continue to learn new things about her.
What are you noticing about your relationship in trusting your pussy?
Tips for New Female OMers #27: Don’t dress up or put on makeup for the OM / stroker. Part of the practice is leaving everything extra, everything we use to ‘influence’ or ‘game’ the connection we have with other people by the wayside. You just have to show up on time, as is, with your magnificent pussy and receive the tacit approval of having your pussy stroked. No ‘owe-sies’ … no ‘horsetrading’ (“how about an OM for a BJ?”) … no having to negotiate or barter for physical connection.
Notes from Andrea: This one cracked me up because morning practice in LA usually meant rolling out of bed and walking up the stairs and getting into the nest. No one even brushed their teeth. Funny!
Good point from Alutha. You do not have to wear “sexy” clothing or have your hair and makeup perfect for the OM. There are stages in this practice where you may think of this as dating and you are choosing people who you have a sexual attraction to on the outside so you think you have to be something for your OM partner.
Many times, the most potent OM is with the person you are least attracted to physically on the outside. Just get in the nest and OM!
Cleanliness is great. Anything else is extra.
Tips for New OMers #28: “Yes means yes. No means no. No answer means no.” Either partner can ask for an OM. A ‘yes’ or ‘no’ is the only response needed. A woman (or man) owes their partner no explanation … if they give a ‘no.’ None. It *may* be useful to provide more info regards to giving feedback around your decision process / criteria – AND it is *not* required. BTW … if no answer is forthcoming, and you asked clearly, “Would you like to OM?” … and didn’t mumble … take the hint. No answer … means ‘no.’ Don’t badger them. Get coaching from an OM Coach or experienced OMer that you trust around asking for OMs or how you present yourself … if you have concerns about either.
Notes from Andrea: If someone asks me to OM and I have a partner for a circle already, I will say Thank you and please ask me again. Or Thanks for asking, I have partners for the OM circle today. If I have a regular OM partner who I “in-home OM” with and I have decided not to OM with them on a regular basis anymore, I feel it is a courtesy to tell them and share why. If I felt I couldn’t do that on my own, I would ask a community member to mediate a conversation. (Of course, there are different situations and sometimes you just want a break. It is a feeling without a reason.)And like Alutha said, Do you want to OM? A yes or a no is the only response you need to give. It is a part of the OM.
Tips for New OMers #29:
The OM Container matters. And everyone you OM with is being trained in *how* to meet – and respect – a woman. Leave your partner a better stroker then you found them. No poaching in the container (by either of you) … for hugs, kisses, or ‘makeouts.’ The hugs is a big one for west coasters. Do not hug in the nest! It trains the body that if one person *doesn’t* want to hug … something is wrong. THEN it gets ‘tacked’ on to an OM – unnecessarily. Some women have angry OMs… OMs where a lot of fury gets dredged up and ‘metabolized.’ The *last* thing they want after the OM is a hug from their stroker. So, no hugs.
Notes from Andrea: To really get the benefits of OM as a practice, the container is vital to a solid practice. It is important for both strokee and stroker to hold it.
OMing and Sex are 2 different things. If I was going over to someone’s house to have sex, I am all about the adventure. Turn on the music, feed me fruit, lingerie is fun, I will have sex in every room of the house and outside (I love nature!), and on every counter. Follow the sensation and let it take us wherever we both want to go. I love the simplicity of slow, connected sex and bells and whistles are fun.
OM: Keep the nest exactly the same way every time!!!
My vigilance is on heightened alert at even the slightest change. Do not change the location of the pillow. Do not add smells and sounds. As soon as you ask me to OM, the OM begins. And wherever we are going to go is already stirring before I arrive.
The longer you OM, the wider the range and the deeper you can go and the more you can feel and have some idea of what is going to happen in this goal-less practice.
Our OMs may be boring for weeks and that is only preparation for a breakthrough OM where one of us is going to sob for 15 minutes or get in touch with old anger from childhood and release it through my pussy. This is not sex! It is a consciousness practice!! And it is a potent source of power. Don’t mess with the container!
So…I have some strong feelings about this, right? And the main reason is that our OM partnership will end (or maybe I will OM in circle with you) because I can not trust that you will honor the container. I can not trust that I have a safe space to crack open because you have another desire, want or need that you are trying to convey by messing with the nest and I can FEEL it!
And strokees…every time you go along with the adventurous stroker and encourage or accept the breaking of the container, you have messed it up for every strokee who comes after you. If you are going to do that, just have sex with him!
I know it is hard. I feel like a bitch when I have to keep adjusting a stroker about the container. And I don’t want to do it after awhile so I will turn my attention to someone else who wants to OM and keep the container and OM as a practice. It is that vital to my life. Respect the container. Respect the OM. Keep the practice clean.
One more feeling: None of us knows a person’s whole story. You do not know about my history with men or abuse or trauma or trust violation. I need the OM container to peel away layers and reach a place of power that is accessible to all of us in the OM. And if you can’t keep it and you subtly try to add in stuff, I won’t OM with you. I can’t OM with you. My pussy will not allow it.
Okay…now I can breathe again!
Tips for Female New OMers #30: Make sure your partner knows to signal that they have heard – and understood – your requests during the OM … by replying simply, “thank you.” If any stroker refuses to acknowledge your requests … or declines to follow basic, doable requests … toss them back in the pool. They need more training. (Strokers … especially new ones … will get lost easily, and may have difficulty keeping up with requests. I am talking about someone who is aggressively “topping” a woman … someone who has decided they ‘know better’ …then the woman.)
Notes from Andrea: Making requests was really hard for me at first. Partly because I didn’t know what to ask for. I was out of touch with my pussy and any touch just felt good. At the time, LA had an advanced OM course that is like the OM Practice Club (OPC) now. They were giving us more ideas of what to ask for in a request. Exploring the language. At the next OM Circle, I tried asking for an adjustment and the stroker got mad at me. He tried to analyze what he was doing wrong and why I asked for the adjustment. At the time, I didn’t understand why he was mad at me. Now, I see it every once in awhile. It feels like the old conditioning that a man is supposed to know what to do and take the lead in sexuality. It is part of the unraveling we are doing.
It is important for women to ask for adjustments and it is important for men to relax and receive the adjustment. We are unraveling this piece together.
What is your experience?
Tips for New OMers #31: After the OM is complete, share 2 sensory-based frames (“shares”). Stay out of metaphor. This is training to connect “clean” language to your body’s experience. “Clean” language means it is based strictly in the language of your senses … brightness, jolts, heat / coolness, light touch / throbbing … and *not* the language we use to influence or ‘game’ another person to ‘like’ us (“… it was heavenly, Barbara! … will you date me now?”) For more *optional* complex reports / processing … keep it out of the nest … and decidedly post-OM – and mutually consensual. Women have dumped strokers who have insisted on 30-minute post-OM “processing” sessions. “15 minutes, baby. I have a life.” (Use your journal for processing and notetaking. Make ‘process dates’ with other OMers (especially other women) … to compare notes.)
Notes from Andrea: Finding descriptive words for frames takes practice. Most of us do not spend time describing a sensation in our body. In the beginning, you might want to describe it as the heavens opened up and I saw God, or I felt like I was in Egypt in another life or it felt good. Those are not frames.
Examples of frames:
There was a moment when I felt a buzzing in my chest and a ripple of heat went down my left arm.
There was a moment when I felt tingling on the top of my head.
There was a moment when my finger touched the skin on your leg and I felt a puff of heat.
There was a moment when I felt prickly shards of glass in my clit.
Take your time. Practice. Less is more.
Also, the post OM processing sessions, many times in the DC area, it takes me an hour to get to someone’s house. So, two hours of driving and an hour for OMing is already a 3 hour commitment. I prefer to limit the processing and let the experience be the connection. When you are really focused in the OM, you know everything you need to know about me. My pussy is speaking to you. For an ongoing, regular practice, keep it to OMing. If you want more processing time, come to Saturday night TurnOn and go out to dinner with the group afterwards.
Tips for New OMers #32: Last … have every new / existing stroker you partner with read this OM Report list. Get a firm thumbs up on *all* of the items. If they waver on one … find out which and discuss it. Bring an OM coach / experienced OMer you trust in to referee … on disputed points.
Generally … the person with the pussy holds the tie-breaker.
OM REPORT by ALUTHA J.
Andrea Hylen at Agape in Los Angeles
Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voices to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.
She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.