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Home: A writing prompt

Posted on December 3, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 64 of 100 days of Blogging

A writing prompt from the 30 days of writing program June 2015

“The ache for home lives in all of us. The safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.” ― Maya Angelou

Writing is a way of connecting to a deeper part of who you are. It is a way of coming home to ourselves. What does HOME mean to you?

We can see HOME as an outer place and as an inner one, too.

*Where do you feel most at home?

*Where do you feel welcomed, embraced, accepted and loved?

*Do you feel at home within yourself?

*Notice the story that is opening and revealing itself to you right now.
Suggested Practice:

Listen to the Sacred Sanctuary Writing Space.

The word for today is HOME. http://iTeleseminar.com/69279744

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The next 30 day writing program begins on January 1, 2016.

A Heal My Voice 30-Day Writing Program (With Teleseminar Support)

On-line program with teleseminars and writing prompts. JOIN US!

http://healmyvoice.org/30-day-writing-program/

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Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voices to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

Posted in Writing

The Power of 3: Supporting Elderly Parents

Posted on December 2, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 63 of 100 days of Blogging

My Dad had a stroke a few weeks ago.

Quick update on physical details: He can talk. He is numb on the left side. No blockages in his arteries. He is in rehab and working really hard to recover. My niece is a speech therapist and she told us that the first six months are vital to the best recovery. He is working hard and making progress and has a positive attitude.

My Mom and Dad have been married for sixty years. She is balancing taking care of herself and their home and going over to spend every afternoon with him.

A few more details:

I have two living siblings.

My sister, Joanne, is 57 years old. A preschool teacher. Parent of 3 adult children. She has been taking the “first shift” of support. She lives the closest to my parents, 90 minutes away, and her lifestyle allows for regular visits right now.

My brother, Rob, is 52 years, a carpenter. Lives in New Jersey. Divorced. Co-parenting three kids who are in public school. His daughter needs someone to be with her at the bus stop every day. He is willing to take a shift and for now he is talking with our parents daily.

I am 59 years old. Entrepreneur and Coach. Parent of 3 adult children. Currently living in Washington, DC area. Teaching a variety of workshops in person and on-line. Working with the Heal My Voice Board President and holding in person meetings to build the 2016 Board of Directors. I will be flying to Florida and staying for a week at the end of December.

*******

There was a time in my life where I would have dropped everything to be there for my parents immediately. I homeschooled my kids and had the flexibility to go on the road during most of their education.

At this time in my life, it means cancelling meetings and events and putting my life on hold. I go in and out of guilt about not dropping everything in my life to sit by my Dad’s bedside, help my Mom and be there to support my Dad’s recovery. I see many of the women around me right now in this struggle of wanting to care for and support their parents and questioning how much of our own dreams do we put on hold. And for many of us, the youngest adult child has just left the nest and we are building streams of income to support ourselves financially for the next part of our lives.

So, the decisions my siblings and I are making are practical. Who is going to help them? Even being real with each other. When is it “convenient” for a loved one to need additional support? My parents have always lived full and busy lives with many interests, and service work and community. So, of course, we are all the same. Living full lives with commitments to other people.

First, our conversations centered around the shock of the stroke which was sudden and unexpected.

Second, the assessment of his health and…to be blunt, if he was about to die or live.

Third, once we knew he was stable, what are the long term care needs.

My siblings and I moved into more practical conversation. You take this shift. I will come down for that shift. Then communicating during each step.

There are layers of internal processing here for me. I have already lost a son and a husband to illness. I have already watched two people I love die. I was the caretaker who sat by each of their bedsides. This experience is familiar and my heart is heavy thinking about it. Knowing what I have learned from losing so many loved ones and letting myself stay in the discomfort of feeling like I am not doing enough right now.

From the loss of a brother, son and husband, I have learned to live more in the present moment. And each additional time I get to spend with loved ones is a bonus. I have learned to keep my heart open and to love fully in the moment. I have to let go when I leave not knowing if I will ever see them again. All we have is the present moment.

Today I am feeling grateful we were all together at my Aunt Ellen’s funeral in Boston in September. My Dad, Mom, Sister, Brother and Me with various generations. Conversations. Photos. Connecting with Relatives and Sharing Memories. It was a beautiful weekend. Lots of sad feelings about the sudden death of my Aunt and so much joy around all of the times we spent together. Love. Gratitude. Appreciation.

What I know today is I have my plane ticket for Florida. Flying at the end of December. Spending New Year’s Eve with my parents and ringing in 2016. Creating more memories. Until then, we have the phone and computer. I have a text thread with my sister and brother. And I have made a commitment to stay in the present and live for today.

Today I am grateful that I have two siblings who are a part of this journey with me. I am appreciating the Power of 3 and how this time, I don’t have to do it alone.

**********

Andrea Hylen at Agape in Los Angeles

Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

Posted in Leadership

The Female Orgasm is a Mystery…or is it?

Posted on December 1, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 62 of 100 days of Blogging

Elizabeth Plank explored a topic: What men need to know about the female orgasm. Video posted on Mic today and it has already been viewed over 333,000 times. It must be a topic we are interested in exploring. 🙂

The 4 minute video explores female “orgasm” with an interview and demonstration of Orgasmic Meditation. (OM)

OM is a consciousness practice that involves light stroking of the clitoris for 15 minutes. In OM, Orgasm is defined as 8 stages…climax, resolution, restoration, turn on, peaking, excitement, plateau and stillness. In the 15 minute container, both the stroker and the strokee experience sensations without being goal oriented. You may feel one stage or several or all eight. The stroker learns to follow the sensations from the woman’s pussy and to receive or offer adjustments.

Watch the video and let me know what you think. Post in the comments.

What men need to know about the female orgasmMen say the female orgasm is a mystery — so we asked women to solve it for them.

Posted by Mic on Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Keith Byrd and I are teaching Intro to OM on Saturday, December 5.
JOIN us!

http://www.meetup.com/TurnOn-WashingtonDC…/events/224416020/

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Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voices to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

Posted in Orgasmic Meditation

Anniversaries: Feeling a Wave of Grief

Posted on November 29, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 60 of 100 days of Blogging

It is amazing how unexpected a wave of grief can appear. Right there. Feeling it in the gut. It doesn’t matter how much time has passed, how much I have processed and transformed the grief, or how I have moved through layers of feelings to create a wonderful, new life. Grief comes back in unexpected waves. It is part of a cycle that continues to expand me.

If my husband was still alive, we would have celebrated our 25th Wedding Anniversary this week. Although he died 10 years ago, there is something that just touched me with sadness when the day appeared on my calendar. I sat by the fire and gave myself some space to feel it.

My reflective question: Why did this hit me so hard with waves of grief surfacing throughout the day?

I come from a lineage of people who have been married for 50, 60, 70 years. My first marriage ended in divorce after we had been together for 10 years. My second husband and I navigated huge challenges during our fifteen years together with the final challenge, his cancer, that ended his life. I have every confidence that if we had beaten that challenge, we would have celebrated this silver wedding anniversary together. So, this was another marker of time, another dream that was lost, another reminder of his absence.

Still I explored the feelings even more. I felt the loss of not having the opportunity to…what?…accomplish this goal? Something is tangled up in here. Value? Worth? Love? Challenge? Accomplishment?

What if I never have a relationship where I celebrate 25 years together? Do I still have value as a person? Can I love myself without marking a wedding anniversary with a man?

In the exploration, I noticed once again how complex loss and grief is and how the timing of feelings arrive as a clue to something that is deeper.

I noticed as the day went on that other memories began to dissipate the feelings of sadness. After my first marriage ended in divorce, I didn’t want to get married again. I was interested in partnership and I wanted to have another child, but I was disillusioned by the ceremony and vows that flew out the window when things got tough in my first marriage. I only married my second husband for the practicality of health insurance for our baby. I loved him. I was committed to our relationship and I wanted this union. I agreed to marry him with the condition that we would write our own vows and continue to use them as a tool to stay connected and grow together. He agreed and we did use them for fifteen years.

Every year when our anniversary rolled around, one of us would remember days later. We debated the actual date because we were married the day after Thanksgiving. So, of course, the date was always changing! Neither of us were really “anniversary type” people. Celebrating moments of connection throughout the year was more important to us and we had daily rituals to remind each other.

This week I continued to feel the feelings and to remember.

*****

After a lifetime of processing and studying grief transformation, there is one piece of advice I would give to everyone. When you feel a wave of grief, no matter how many years have passed, give yourself some space to feel the feelings and explore.

By the end of the day, I was clear that partnership with a man is a part of my growth on the planet. Part of the sadness around the anniversary was reminding me of a desire to be in some kind of partnership. I miss having a man in my bed. Pillow talk, sex, cuddling. I can feel that it is time for deeper exploration around that and to turn up my desire by taking more action.

A course I have been teaching called Carving the Next Path is opening me to what I truly desire to create. Walking side by side with the women in the course one of my desires is to co-create a new type of relationship with a man. Changing patterns. Embracing new ideas. Getting to the core of what I really want. Creating new pathways of possibilities.

Feelings, including grief and loss are clues that point us in the direction of our desires. I am stoking this fire.

What are you noticing in your life?

Feelings, desires. infinite possibilities. Surrender.

Share with us in the comments!

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Posted in Grief Transformation

OM Report: Tips for New OMers (Orgasmic Meditation) #22-25

Posted on November 28, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 59 of 100 days of Blogging

This is the 5th Blogpost in a series.

Tips #1-#5 are here

Tips #6-#10 are here

Tips #11-#15 are here

Tips #16-#21 are here.

*****

I have been working with a group of coaches in the Washington, DC area to teach Orgasmic Meditation classes, lead TurnOns and start a Women’s Circle to talk about OMing, sexuality and relationships. While researching some information, I found a Facebook page called the OM report where a male practitioner shared some tips for women who were beginning to OM. Lots of great reminders for the men, too.

https://www.facebook.com/theOMreport/posts/889705337783872

In the next few blogs, I have broken down the tips with some personal comments from my experiences with OMing for 3 years.

OM is short for Orgasmic Meditation. It is a fifteen minute partnered practice that involves stroking the upper left hand quadrant of a woman’s clitoris for 15 minutes. OM is a practice between two people that has no goal except to feel what is happening in the moment. Connection. Sensation. Simplicity. Attention.

A frame is a moment in time during your OM, when you felt a physical sensation in your body. This includes temperature, texture, motion, pressure, color, and speed. Sharing a frame is a way to anchor the experience of the OM and the connection. One moment. Focusing on what is present vs what is not.

Some of the tips are for all OMers, some are for women, some are for monogamous OMing, some are for multiple partner OMer. As the saying goes, “Take what you like and leave the rest.”

I have OMed monogamously and with multiple partners. My additional comments refer to both experiences.

Tips for New OMers #22: If you have scent allergies … safeport your stroker. Experienced strokers know to dial back or eliminate artificial perfumes / aftershave. They can overwhelm a woman or distract her. And more significantly (for some strokers) they block the stroker’s ability to pick up subtle shifts in a woman’s scent. The nose knows when a pussy secretes.

Tips for New OMers #23: Every fluid and scent combo imaginable will be discharged unexpectedly during an OM of yours if you OM long enough. It’s all you. Be proud. It’s part of your orgasm. Safeport if you feel compelled to … but no apologies during the OM. You don’t have to “behave yourself” during your OM. Let ‘er rip.

Notes from Andrea: All I have to say is Yes. Communicate when you have scent allergies and anything else.

Tips for New OMers #24: Newbie women often have unconscious “display-of-orgasm” markers that they have adopted along the way, prior to OM. Moaning, “oh-god’s,” pelvic thrusts / movements … may all arise during a newbie’s early OMs. That’s ok. Eventually you will learn to relax your hips … and ask your stroker to adjust their stroke – instead of moving your hips to do it for them. Ditto with the vocalizations … they are unnecessary and have often been adopted as a [primitive] way of signaling a lover that they are “doing good.” Your stroker doesn’t need those … so, relax. A stroker learns to sense minute shifts in their partner’s (that would be you) physiology … swelling of pussy tissue, micro contractions, changes in temperature. Sounds … designed to spur a partner on … are overkill … and a distraction.

Notes from Andrea:

In the beginning, I moaned and vocalized for him. I still notice it once in awhile. Old conditioning and ego stroking. The transition from vocalizing for him and vocalizing for me was when I noticed I had a feeling or emotion and I wanted to express it through my voice just for me. Crying. Softly and Loudly. Yelling Fuck YOU into the room after feeling a wave of anger. Asking for adjustments. OM is a practice and using our voice is a part of that practice. I let my voice make sounds whenever I want to now and even deep breathing or panting, when it feels natural to do it for myself. I am also silent during some OMs. I feel the sensations and the process more is more internal. A stroker who is focused on my body will feel the body response. My voice is not necessary.

One more layer. When I climaxed in an OM in October, I had to ask my partner if I made any noise because I had no awareness of it. I was so tuned into the sensation in my body that I felt like we were all alone instead of in a room with 6 nests. I couldn’t hear anyone. I didn’t know what I was doing. I was in a total experience of involuntary and sensation. I am curious about this next layer. To be so connected to the sensation…

Tips for New Female OMers #25: Every woman’s pussy is perfect. And they are all different. If you have a pussy that strokers find challenging (first … remember your pussy is perfect) … learn with them. “My clit likes to play hide and seek in the beginning…” “My hood needs to be pulled back more then most …” etc. Bring approval to your magnificent pussy then help your stroker meet your needs. **As long as you safeport your partner … it is fine to have a pussy orientation session (introitus, clit, hood, …), pre-OM – under your explicit guidance. Let your partner know exactly how you want it to go. No wandering fingers. Change gloves at the end of the exploration session.**

Notes from Andrea: I had OMed a couple of hundred times before I had a session with Ken Blackman in the OM House in Venice, CA. He OMed with all four of the women who lived there. Then he taught the strokers a “resonant” stroke for the house. We were the center of the community and regular OMing was important for the limbic system. Connection and release. As he coached the strokers with each strokee, this was the first time I ever heard someone say my clit liked to hide. All of the strokers nodded. They all knew it but had never said that in the noticing step of the OM. I have learned so much about my pussy from strokers who use the noticing step and have described my pussy to me.

For those of you who don’t know Ken, he was Nicole Daedone’s stroker and lived in the warehouse, a place where OM was researched. When I met him, Ken was called a Master Stroker and he is an amazing stroker “musician” with 10,000+ hours of expertise. He has fine tuned the art of stroking.

What is your experience with a woman’s pussy? Strokees and Strokers

One more posting of tips…next week #26-#32!

*****

Posted in Orgasmic Meditation

The Power of Connection: Show Up and Play

Posted on November 27, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 58 of 100 days of Blogging

Some memories of childhood came to me this week while reading a book. The words, “I discovered people are alike in many, many more ways than they are different,” rang true.

I moved 12 times by the time I was 15 years old. We lived in the West, East, North and South. Different states all over the U.S. My Dad was in the Marines when I was born. My mom was a homemaker. Then, my Dad was hired by Pillsbury in sales for the refrigerated section of the company. Think Pillsbury Doughboy. Every promotion meant a move to a different region. My Dad continued working for Pillsbury for 33 years and then retired to a golf course in Florida with my mother.

Belonging to a group is a fundamental need on the Maslow chart of Self-Actualization. So, of course, as a kid, I wanted to connect and belong to a peer group. Moving so much meant I had to keep starting over and find new ways to connect. While living in Dallas, Texas, in elementary school, we lived in a neighborhood with kids and activities connected by an alley way and rows of back yards. Easy to belong. Show up and play. Everyone was included.

By the time I was in middle school in Edina, Minnesota, I was lost. I could never find my place in either of the two schools I attended there. There were moments of fun and connection with Girl Scouts and singing activities in school. But, I never really felt like I belonged in the day to day classroom interactions and it was hard to find friends for weekend activities.

We moved to Phoenixville, Pennsylvania when I was going into the ninth grade and by 10th grade, I felt connected with a purpose. I felt connected to every group. You could say I was “popular” but not in an obvious way. I knew People. People knew me. I was in many clubs. I was Secretary of my class. I was visible. I felt like I belonged. I was well liked and included in activities.

The memories that surfaced this week included a flash of me as a school girl in high school. I reflected on why things changed and when? How did I come into my own in high school? What happened? And then I remembered a choice point and an awakening.

In ninth grade, sometime during the month of November, I decided to stop waiting for people to see me and instead, I saw them. With the holidays all around us, I decided to create an individualized holiday card for every person in my class. I spent weeks, cutting photos and words out of magazines that I felt represented something about each person. Sports, fashion, dogs, cats, nature. Taping the pictures onto construction paper, I folded each sheet in half and wrote a personalized note, a gratitude, something that reflected something about the person; something I had noticed about them. I spent the whole month creating the cards and observing each person. Some of the the cards were easy and some of them took me longer to really see the person under layers of protecting who they were. My intention was to give them something uplifting and my desire was a moment of connection.

Something happened that I did not anticipate. This was the awakening. I stopped trying to get people to like me or notice me. I was so absorbed in this project and watching people and really falling in love with each of them. I could see and feel the beauty, the vulnerability, the tenderness in each person. I started to interact with them differently. I stopped feeling this screaming voice inside of me: SEE ME! DOES ANYONE SEE ME? And instead, I saw them. I felt connected. I felt like I belonged. The natural essence of who I am emerged and was seen by my being.

There is a quote by Maya Angelou that has been paraphrased in a variety of ways, “At the end of the day, people won’t remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.” ~Maya Angelou

That holiday season I received the gift of seeing others and allowing them to see me and it changed everything. I became a better listener. I learned the power of silence and observation. I learned how to wait patiently and allow the connections to happen in organic, vibrant ways. I learned who I am.

Do you have a moment of awakening that you are remembering now? Please share it with us in the comment section.

Lots of Love,

Andrea

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Posted in An Evolutionary Woman's Journey Series

Happy Thanksgiving: To eat or not to eat…

Posted on November 26, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 57 of 100 days of Blogging

Today is Thanksgiving in the United States.

Earlier today, I had a little bah humbug going on and I know it was because I said no to attending a Thanksgiving celebration. Somewhere inside of me there was discomfort and guilt, like I should just suck it up and be social and eat tons of food. I have so much to be grateful for, so why was I pushing this holiday away with an outstretched hand?

This year I wanted to stay away from the food frenzy that happens with Thanksgiving. I have been really focused on my own health care over the past few months. Rest. Walking. Eating healthier. Eating less. Losing ten lbs. Feeling connected to my body again. Going to the University of Maryland Dental School every week. Community Acupuncture at Revive in College Park. Finishing some creative projects. Decluttering my life. Dreaming and visioning for 2016. And then Thanksgiving was getting closer and it felt like a pressure, an inconvenience to be endured.

Up until a few years ago, Thanksgiving was always one of my favorite holidays because it felt like there was no pressure. Strangers, friends, family could all come together to say a prayer, a gratitude, eat food, share conversation, crafts and games. It was always an easy, fun holiday. I loved to cook for it. I loved the social gathering. I loved inviting people to my home or going to someone’s home. This year was different. I wanted to do something else. To write. To walk. To be.

So, I did. And once I gave myself permission and compassion and acceptance, the day flowed beautifully. I talked with my Dad who is in rehab in Florida, recovering from a stroke and to my Mom who was at their home preparing to go to rehab and eat dinner with my Dad. My niece got engaged in Atlanta and I congratulated her through text. I texted or talked with all 3 of my daughters and one of them challenged me on Fitbit to walk 10,000 steps. I spent time writing and reading and walking outside on this gorgeous 63 degree F, sunny day. Even walked the labyrinth at University of Maryland, College Park.

During the day, I remembered a few happy Thanksgiving memories:

One of my favorite Thanksgivings was the year after I separated from my first husband. My two little daughters were with me that year, a few close friends and ten other people who were invited one by one because they didn’t have a place to go. For a few weeks, I had walked around the office, around church, around the school my children attended and asked people what they were doing or where they were going for Thanksgiving. If they said, “No plans,” or they weren’t sure, I invited them to my home. We had six people who said yes and then a sudden snowstorm was predicted in the forecast. Four more people who had planned to drive from Baltimore to New Jersey or New York were looking at a grid lock on the highway so they came to my home at the last minute. Of course, I had a ton of food. The house was decorated. We had plenty of room and that year I had Swedish crafts and candle making as part of the day. Music and singing rounded out the event. We all had a blast.

One year I made so many different dishes that three of the dishes never made it to the table. I had a goal of cooking everything in the Girl Scout Cookbook (our fundraiser that year) I made so much food it was gluttonous. I didn’t care. It was the first Thanksgiving after my husband died. We had a table filled with dear friends of all ages and I poured my heart into the cooking and sharing and eating.

Writing this blogpost, I feel a little lighter about my decision. I can feel the fun memories and I don’t have to discount the beauty and connections from those years just because I wanted to stay away from the celebration and the food this year. I can feel the gratitude for all of the support and the love.

I know there are people who are sad today and who spent the holiday alone. Whether it was your choice to do something different for Thanksgiving or a year of circumstances when you were alone, remember, next year is another year. Decide if you want more connection and spend the next year exploring that or like me, consciously choose and create the day you want.

I had a great day. I am filled with the gratitude to be connected with amazing, loving, caring people all over the planet. I am grateful to be alive. I am grateful for you.

Happy Thanksgiving!

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Posted in Inspiration, Uncategorized

Women Healing Relationships with Each Other

Posted on November 24, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 55 of 100 days of Blogging

The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn. ~Gloria Steinem

I woke up to a post written by a woman in her early 30’s. A powerful Goddess Warrior. Intelligent. Passionate. Brilliant. Giving and Loving. Beautiful inside and out. A friend of one of my daughters.

I burst into tears sobbing as I read her gratitude to her women friends. I have spent my life working with women. Sitting in circles with women with the intention of forming connections and healing our relationships with each other. Raising three daughters to love and appreciate and support women. Heal My Voice circles are held with the intention of women healing their stories and relationships with women together. I am passionate about this and committed to it. Women seeing each other, listening, accepting our differences and finding our places of connection.

When I see a friend of my daughter posting about the power of her friendships with other powerful, amazing women and challenging women to fix the thing in them that keeps them from developing strong friendships with women, yes… I cry. I cry for joy. I cry with relief. I cry with gratitude that I am here to experience this shift. I cry knowing that my daughter is one of this woman’s amazing friends and that together they have other amazing women friends in their intersecting circles. Circle, after circle, after circle.

As a new women’s group is forming in Washington, DC to support women in a sexuality practice, I am bolstered with hope and determination to continue to do my part knowing that I am not alone. Knowing that each circle of women that gathers is having an impact on each other and the world. The ripple effect is getting larger and larger.

And as we heal with each other, we form stronger relationships with men. We raise our sons to value women. We raise our daughters to value men. Strong women lift each other up. They lift up their families, communities and the world.

The Facebook Post:

A type of Thanksgiving “thanks” post:

My entire life, wherever I go, I’ve always found very intense, deep, and long-lasting friendships with other women. Though I don’t love all of Roxanne Gay’s “How to be Friends with Another Woman” essay and admit that I’m sad these lists even have to exist (though I think we’re needing them less and less, slowly but surely) I’d like to highlight the ones that stood out to me and thank some of the most amazing women in my life for not needing these reminders:

1. Abandon the cultural myth that all female friendships must be toxic, bitchy or competitive. This myth is like heels…designed to SLOW women down.
…
3. If you find that you are feeling competitive, toxic, or bitchy toward the women who are supposed to be your closest friends, look at why and figure out how to fix it and/or find someone who can help you fix it.

4. If you are the kind of woman who says, “I’m mostly friends with guys,” and act like you’re proud of that, like that makes you closer to being a man or something, and less of a woman as if a woman is a bad thing, see Item 3. It’s okay if most of your friends are guys but if you champion this as a commentary on the nature of female friendships, well, soul search a little.

4A. If you feel like it’s hard to be friends with women consider that maybe women aren’t the problem. Maybe it’s just you.

Together We Can Rock the World!

**********

Posted in women

Reclaiming Personal Power: I am a Work of Art

Posted on November 23, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 54 of 100 days of Blogging

A few years ago, I was renting a car at a rental agency when the man behind the counter began to flirt with me. It was overt and so obvious, it took me surprise.He leaned across the counter and with a sultry, flirty voice said, “Your husband must be so happy coming home to you every night.”

Me: (nervous laughter) I don’t have a husband. He died.

Him: “Well, Your boyfriend must be so happy coming home to you every night.”

Me: (nervous laughter) I don’t have a boyfriend.

Me: Okay, that’s it. Could you get the car, please?

He shrugged and went outside to get the car. Handed me the keys and I was out of there.

In the car, I was still nervously laughing and at the same time I felt like I had been slimed. I was so caught off guard. Not “off my game” because I had no “game.” I had been a widow for eight years, and in monogamous relationships for most of my adult life. Normally when I was renting a car, I had my kids with me. I hadn’t experienced that kind of flirting for a long time.

So, here is this man totally coming on to me. Overtly flirting and licking his lips every time he spoke to me. Me with my vigilance up and nervous laughing and finally in the car feeling like What! I can not believe this man was being so weird and flirty and unprofessional with me.

When I returned the car a few days later, he was there again and I decided to claim my power. I was wearing baggy clothes, had messed up hair, no make-up and still he starts flirting. As he got into the car to check the mileage, he looked me up and down. I thought to myself, don’t let him shut you down. I silently declared, I am a work of Art and he is in full appreciation of me.

While sitting in the car and me standing in full view, he gave me another slow, slow long look.

Starting at my feet, moving up through my legs, knees, thighs, pausing on my pussy, he licked his lips. Continuing up my body, he looked at my breasts, licked his lips again, kept moving until his eyes met mine. I stayed open energetically and physically, kept his gaze and said, “So what is your desire?”

He looked away and mumbled, “I want to rub your feet.”

Haha! Funny.

I kept my body open. I was in a safe place. Daylight. I claimed my space. No shriveling this time.

I invited him to a Onetaste event in Downtown LA. I did not desire him. I desired to stay fully in my power, my sexuality and this “inappropriate and unprofessional” man was not going to diminish me. I challenged him to actually connect, to stop playing this game of intimidation and take action.

I gave him the organizer’s email address to RSVP to the event. When the organizer told me he sent the RSVP, I thought, Oh, no! Well, there would be 100 people there and I would introduce him as the guy from the rental agency. If he had a desire for connection, there were many women at this event. He would have been embraced if he wanted to join the community, learn to OM and to grow into his true desire. He did not show up. Or if he did, I didn’t see him.

This man was a gift to me. I had an aversion to him. He was creepy. I was not physically attracted to him. A few months later, I did a talk at a Women’s Conference about claiming the essence of our sexuality, connected to personal power and money generating. I made $1000 that day. I started working with more clients. That interaction changed me.

It expanded me as a person and uncovered more of my personal power and desire.

*Note: Aversion to me means that someone feels like sandpaper to me. It can be a trigger. They can feel uncomfortable, creepy. I can feel unsafe. It is an opportunity to look at my shadow, set boundaries, explore my desire. Aversion is a feeling to me and the person is a gift to what I can learn and feel and expand within myself.

It’s all about me, baby. The good, the bad and the ugly. My personal growth.

I am using it all!

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Posted in An Evolutionary Woman's Journey Series

How do YOU PLAY?

Posted on November 22, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 53 of 100 days of Blogging

The word play has been in my face for the last few days. It is the word on my co-creative vision Board for the week. The word play in big letters:

P L A Y.

At an event for adults on Saturday night, several people had a chance to sit on the “hot seat” in the front of the room to receive questions that would help us get to know them at a deeper level. One woman asked a man, what do you do for PLAY? He hesitated and paused before saying, I meditate and take time for myself. I did not feel that he was connected to playing and I have been asking myself:

What do you think of when you hear the word PLAY?

My first response:

My granddaughter, Lucille.

Children.

Writing.

Laughter.

Film.

Singing to Music.

Dance parties to increase the steps on my Fitbit.

Throwing a ball for the dog.

Making a gingerbread house.

Sex (when my partner hops on top of me and surprises me with kisses and tickling and licking! That brought a giggle to me…more exploration needed. 🙂 )

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When I googled the word play, the first things that came up were: Google Play for Androids with games and apps, Gymboree for kids, and a definition of the word Play as an activity.

From Wikipedia: Play is often interpreted as frivolous; yet the player can be intently focused on their objective, particularly when play is structured and goal-oriented, as in a game. Accordingly, play can range from relaxed, free-spirited and spontaneous through frivolous to planned or even compulsive. Play is not just a pastime activity; it has the potential to serve as an important tool in numerous aspects of daily life for adolescents, adults, and cognitively advanced non-human species (such as primates). Not only does play promote and aid in physical development (such as hand-eye coordination), but it also aids in cognitive development and social skills, and can even act as a stepping stone into the world of integration, which can be a very stressful process.

As I enter this week and the holiday season is surrounding me in my work with some challenges and grief and pain, I am fluffing up the play energy. Adding in the elements of curiosity, wonder, shiny expectations of hope and new possibilities. What feels playful? Where can I stop and connect to this bubbling energy of play? A bright, shiny red leaved tree across the street; a song that lights me up and I stop everything to dance (even in Trader Joe’s!); a photo of dogs who just ate an “Elf on the Shelf”; a video of upstairs neighbors making noise. (see link below)