Tag Archives: Self-care

Remember to Dance

Originally published on Consciously Woman: January 23, 2019


Okay, so we are calling out the underbelly, the monster in the closet, the thing that holds us back from creating or having what we want.

A few weeks ago, I shared my words, my intention for the year, and how the thing I’ve noticed over the years is that the underbelly, the negative, shows up first. An example is: set an Intention for Patience and the thing that shows up are long lines at the bank, traffic jams, delays in being paid. In essence, pray for patience and all of your impatience shows up first! Then, you Practice Patience and you Become the Patience. It doesn’t just magically appear without practicing a new behavior.

One of my words for this year is Redefine: What is the role I am playing as a mother, daughter, sister, friend and business owner? What is shifting and what needs a redefinition for me to fully embrace the next part of my life? The thing that is surfacing is ageism. I was excited to turn 30, 40 and 50. When I turned 59 a few years ago, the anticipation of turning 60 brought up a lot of fear and sadness.  Sixty years old had become a marker of the end of life. My husband and two close friends died in their 60th year. So, claiming my age at 62 and claiming the wisdom, the resilience, and desires for this next part of my life requires letting go of something.

It’s two weeks into the new year, tuning in, I am aware of a few things that are rising for redefinition. One of them is:

Body movement

The first thing I noticed is that my mind has been overactive for a few weeks. My thoughts are so loud and are filled with chatter that is defensive, limiting, self-defeating. Whoa! It’s like a major mind f**k of insecurity and defensiveness and regrets.

My youngest daughter and I have been clearing boxes of photos and memorabilia, fifteen plastic bins to be exact, and it is a minefield of opportunity to clear the mental garbage. So, much old garbage is surfacing. Yuck! People have died. Dreams have died. Expectations were not met and resilience and imagination were ignited. More of my hair is grey this year. Digging into the photos and the feelings is revealing the mind chatter.

My practice has been to listen and write down what I am hearing. Then, to reach a point, where I go into the bathroom, look in the mirror and say, “Enough!” Looking myself in the eyes to remember who I am. Using tools for clearing. Staring into my eyes. Listen, clear. Look at the feelings head on. Return to stillness.

Reviewing memories and releasing photos, has tuned me into the body and caring for myself. I have a 20 lb weight fluctuation that is normal for me and I’m currently at the top of that weight. The practical part of this weight fluctuation is clothing. Living house free and traveling to different locations, I have to be able to fit into my clothes! There is no closet to go to for different choices. I have a wardrobe that fits into my suitcase and those are the clothes, I’m wearing. Okay, it’s time to look at what I’m eating. How I’m moving. What emotions am I holding onto? What is the inner and outer of this weight? How is this distracting me from creating more fun?

(I have learned that with living house-free and travel to so many different places, that the extra weight serves me emotionally sometimes. I’ve learned to notice but not judge. I recognized that ten lbs were gained in the last month without any extra food. I didn’t eat holiday food this year so the weight feels like emotional protection. That is true. It is also true that I can look at ways to feel safe without the weight. I am redefining what I need for safety.)

In the Spirit of Redefine, it is time to redefine movement. Coaching on Zoom instead of the phone means I sit more than I used to. Writing and researching and creating for 8-12 hours a day, is exhilarating and it is my passion! But, it’s not good for my body to be so inactive. I can be like a plant sitting in bed or on the couch and not moving except to get up for food, drink and to pee. Even though I walk about 5 miles every day, that isn’t enough exercise for my muscles and my belly. I have never been someone who focused on exercise, as much as moving naturally. Going places. Cooking. Cleaning. Organizing. Lifting. Standing. Walking. My awareness right now is to make movement a priority. Work less on the computer and get out and move for several hours a day. Pull myself away from writing and find ways to move. The movement is important for my body and mind. It helps to process emotions.

In the redefinition, I am conscious of setting up structures for support. That is the key for me: “What structures do you have in place to support the shedding of the old and embracing of the new? What voices from the past are surfacing in my inner space?”

My current motto is: Move the body and remember to dance!



Andrea Hylen: Author of Heal My Voice: An Evolutionary Woman’s Journey. Creator of The Writing Incubator, on-line writing community. www.andreahylen.com

Why Partners, Family, and Friends Can Be Hazardous to Your Health by Carolyn A. Brent

Across All Ages

DEEP BEAUTY International Blog Tour 2019

Today I have the great pleasure of being the first host here in Santa Monica, CA, USA on Day 1 of the Virtual Blog Tour of author Carolyn A. Brent, whose book, “Transforming Your Life through Self-Care: A Guide to Tapping into Your Deep Beauty and Inner Worth” is celebrating its big Worldwide book launch on May 8, 2019.


CAROLYN A. BRENT is an award-winning bestselling author and a National Physique Committee (NPC) Masters Women’s Figure Champion at age 60. She is an expert on both self-care and caregiving; she is the founder of Across All Ages and two nonprofit organizations, CareGiverStory Inc. and Grandpa’s Dream.  Carolyn’s written works is in the Library of Congress the libraries of Harvard, Stanford, Johns Hopkins, and numerous other medical centers and universities.


Today, I’d like to share with you a recent interview I had with Carolyn when I got to ask her on the subject of Why Partners, Family, and Friends Can Be Hazardous, Setting healthy boundaries and Relationships. I hope you enjoy it.




ANDREA HYLEN: How do we maintain and grow relationships with partners, family and friends when we may also feel a need to protect our tender heart?


Carolyn A. Brent: Thank you so much for asking such an important question. Before I delve into the answer, I like to discuss matters of the heart.

Yes, it’s natural for a person to want to protect his or her tender heart especially when there is a sudden and unexpected family emergency, and everyone should be united–right?  In short, we want everyone to be on the same page.


But, the truth of the matter is–when trauma, loss, and grief come our way–each person will handle and deal with their pain and stresses very differently.   Whether if it’s a spouse, parent, child, loved one or close family friend often, everyone is seeking for the other person to see, and feel the same as they do.


Just be aware, some family members and loved ones may not “ever” be on the same page at the same time. The best practice should take place way before there is sudden and unexpected emergency comes.


I will forever say and believe, that families and loved ones should have those tough conversations way– before there is an emergency. We all have experienced stress, and we know by first-hand experience– that it is a crazy and nerve-wracking time in one’s life.


Years before my dad got sick, I tried to have the crucial family conversation with my adult siblings. Needless to say, they were just not interested, and never took an active role in the care of our dad–until they thought our dad was dying, and there was money to be had.


My family experience was so tragic until most of my healthcare professionals, and psychologist refer to my heartbreaking family experience in one word. Chilling!


In my case, it took me years of getting help– weekly from a remarkable psychologist who understood my family drama, and helped me to transform my life through self-care, and tapping into my deep beauty and inner worth. When I practice this method–my life changed drastically and continues to evolve to this day.


I firmly believe that the only person we can change is yourself. We cannot force our beliefs and ideas on anyone which includes the people we love the most. If anyone you know and love is toxic or hazardous to your health, seek professional help immediately. Don’t wait; it may save someone’s life.


I also want to strongly remind everyone that any form of abuse is never okay. Anyone from any race, sexual orientation, age, gender, or religion can be a victim—or perpetrator—of abuse. Abuse can happen to people who are married, living together, just dating, friends, and family members. If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). Learn more: Chapter 2: Why Partners, Family, and Friends Can Be Hazardous to Your Health.


ANDREA HYLEN: Do you have suggestions for setting boundaries and also keeping our hearts open?


Carolyn A. Brent: Yes, it’s best practice to have healthy boundaries and know that your peace of mind, joy, and tranquility comes first. The following are some substantial things to consider:


  1. Let go of things you cannot change.
  2. You can’t force someone to love you.
  3. Love yourself.
  4. Have compassion.
  5. Practice acts of forgiveness.
  6. Lead a purpose-filled life.
  7. Help somebody.



ANDREA HYLEN: Please explain more about how our closest relationships can be hazardous to our health.


Carolyn A. Brent: I know what I am about to share is shocking. But sometimes the truth is worse than fiction. On September 19, 2007, my dad had a massive hematoma, bleeding on the brain. While I was dealing with the agony of seeing my dad’s health take such a rapid turn, my siblings decided they wanted to take over his care. They had never taken any time to help in all of the twelve years that I was his caregiver.


I wish they had acted out of concern for my dad and me. They did not. When family members think there is money to be had, you may find yourself taking out restraining orders and spending time in probate court. That’s exactly what happened to me. I was served with restraining orders in three different county probate courthouses. At each court hearing, as we stood before the Judge, the plaintiff would drop all charges she had filed against me.


With the legal battles and everything that was happening, I had no time to process or recover. I was angry, depressed, and in astonishing physical and emotional pain. My life was spiraling out of control.


Then came the final blow: My beloved dad died. A distant relative notified me two weeks after his internment. My siblings did not even tell me that he had passed or where he was buried. Can you imagine the devastation, shock, and excruciating emotional pain I experienced? Learn More: Chapter 1: Becoming An Authority of Your Life… (When Dreams Come Crashing Down)..


I hope you enjoyed this interview with Carolyn A. Brent and that you’ll check out her book on May 8, 2019:


Join us on the 2019 International DEEP BEAUTY Telesummit: May 6th, 7th & 8th

Details here: http://bit.ly/2W3K69a


SPECIAL OFFER direct from Roman & Littlefield

30% DISCOUNT OFFER OFF LIST PRICE PLEASE ORDER USING THIS CODE: RLFANDF30 978-1-5381-2084-2 • Hardback $28.00 list price (discount price $19.60) 978-1-5381-2085-9 • eBook $26.50 list price (discount price $18.55) For more information, please contact our Customer Service Dept. at special.sales@rowman.com or by phone at 800-462-6420 ext. 3023.

Buy Direct from Publisher  at their discount special.

Option 2

Amazon Regular Price: https://amzn.to/2YqFQTj

Catch Carolyn’s Book Trailer… click here!


Thanks for reading! Please share your comments and thoughts below. I love reading your feedback.


AND… be sure to follow Carolyn tomorrow when the next stop is in London, England with the Ben Salmi family where 3 youngsters and their grandma will be interviewing Carolyn on the subject of Living Your Divine Purpose, Rejoice in Your life, Purpose in Your Soul and The Health and Money Connection. To visit the Ben Salmi family, go to http://bit.ly/2IMWuY1



DEEP BEAUTY Wellness Retreat Summer 2019

Self-Care: Come Down Pleasurably and Gently

Day 47 of 100 days of Blogging

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About six weeks ago, I made a commitment to host a few events and connect with people in person. Yesterday was the completion of the event that required the most energy and the most “holding of space.” Afterwards, I felt low, “in the down” is another term for it. I wasn’t depressed. Nothing was wrong. I was aware of the need to “come down pleasurably”, a term I learned in my practice of Orgasmic Meditation. Being gentle with myself. Feeling the feelings and having space for some gentle self-care.


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Today I am making space for:

A nap.

A walk in 68 degree weather today.

A hot cup of tea.

Quiet, gentle music.


An epsom salt bath.




When you need that space of rest, how do you come down pleasurably?



Photo from Andrea Hylen

Andrea Hylen at Agape in Los Angeles

Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.