Day 36 of 100 Days of Blogging
Guest Blogger Friday!
True Confession & Secrets from the Lunaria Plant
By Jacke Schroeder
What we used to call “true confessions” we now term “being authentic and transparent.” This blog has to begin first with my true confession. Eighty-five percent of the time what you see is the authentic and transparent me. People always comment that I am so together and positive, even inspirational. That is me—85% of the time—because that is what I want to be. But what about that other 15%?
Most of you know me as a mother, grandmother, sister, cousin, friend, coach, corporate shaman, counselor, energy healer, and as a Maggidah—a Jewish woman who speaks about the journey of the soul. So when I questioned what I was to write about as a “Guest Blogger” for Heal My Voice, I immediately felt like hiding. But I couldn’t hide from the Voice that boomed, “Write about your Shame!” But the thought of telling you that I’m engaged, right now, in the most profound personal healing and transformational work of my entire life—OY, NO WAY!
In my clinical profession, we are warned against revealing anything of a personal nature to our clients. In our current world of fingertip access to virtual information, and since I network quite a lot, it can become cloudy where the boundaries are and should be. Shame! I heard myself saying I can’t share that! What will people think of me? What if they don’t respect me anymore after hearing about me? What if they won’t trust me again, or come to me anymore? Then the necessity to “confess” became evident. So I breathed and calmed myself down. I realized I am human. You, and my clients, are human too. The time is NOW for me to be authentic with myself, to truly care for myself, love myself, be transparent in my life and face my darkest demons. By sharing my other 15%, it will show that you and my clients are not alone in your shame, doubt, fears and darkness, and that you too can succeed in fulfilling your life dreams. Now is the time for me to gain the personal freedom I need so I can realize all of my purpose and fully enjoy my life.
What is motivating me to face the darkest dark?
Foreigner sings my song perfectly! “I Want To Know What Love Is.”
It’s true—after spending a multitude of years working on myself—40 plus—I hadn’t gotten to the deepest core root, until now. I’ve been taking more than a little time to think things over and better read between the lines. It was Shame who revealed Herself to me. “No!” she told me. “No, I am not an emotion. I am a way of behaving that you learned long, long ago. I live as a construct within and around you, as if I am a cauldron within which you are dwelling and where you store all of your hurt and pain, as if I am a skin that you live in.” Wow! I didn’t realize I had been a Foreigner to my own self. Familiarizing myself, and understanding what Shame is telling me, is a mountain I must climb.
So, I put on an imaginary pair of glasses whose lenses I called “Shame.” I began to look within and around at all of my relationships—how I relate with myself, my family, food, work, money, my body, with other people—all through the lens of Shame. This blew my mind! I’ve always felt like the world was sitting upon my shoulders. In my life there’s been overwhelming, numbing heartache and pain. As a child and into adulthood I was physically, sexually and emotionally abused. It left me hiding and oh, so lonely. I don’t know how I can face it all again but I can’t stop now. I’ve traveled so far, too far. I want to change my lonely life.
So I prayed. I told G-d, “I wanna know what love is. I want You to show me. I wanna feel what love is. I’ve got nowhere left to hide. I know You can show me.”
Prayers are always answered. Not always all at once, and rarely in the ways we might expect. G-d likes to play. Two weeks ago I traveled to the ocean and stayed with a friend. When I awoke the first morning after arriving, I felt restless—as if I was a snake trying to slither out of my skin. We went outside to her garden for breakfast, and as I sat down my friend placed in front of me a small folding table whose top was painted with two wolves—one howling and the other providing presence. There in front of me was one of my Spirit Allies, Akira—the intelligent wolf. She was letting me know she had come to support me, howling my prayer across the wind to G-d.
I thanked Akira.
In the past, and as recent as a couple of days before my prayer, I felt unsafe laying my “skin” open and divulging my kishkas, my guts. I believed doing that meant someone would see that I was tainted; someone would see my “dirt.” And if my dirt were seen, then Shame would reveal Herself. When Shame is activated, the sensations evoked are extremely intense to feel. I really wanted to be open, authentic and transparent, but it hurt. Shame is painful—physically, emotionally and vibrationally. On certain occasions in my past I slightly opened anyway, but I noticed that immediately I left myself. I sent my consciousness away from the pain, unconsciously hoping that the person I opened it to would do for me what I couldn’t do for myself—unconditionally accept and love me. Ha!
Greeted in the garden by Akira, I knew something important was occurring, so I fine-tuned my mind. My attention was drawn to the plants on the perimeter of the stone patio where we were sitting and with delight I recognized the Lunaria abounding. Are you familiar with the Lunaria plant? This is a picture of it:
Lunaria is commonly known as “the money plant.” I bet you’ve seen the money plant with its beautiful white “coins.” Amazingly, the Lunaria, like Akira, were bringing me a gift of revelation! I learned something very important about healing from them. Look at how the coins hanging from the wooden branches are covered in dirt! So how is it that they appear to be so white, so luminous, and transparent?
I removed one of the coins from the wooden branch and began rubbing the dirt off of its skin, its shell. Suddenly, the dirty layers on the front and back of the coin separated from the coin and I easily peeled it away. Look at the dirty skins lying in my hand.
Once the seeds that had been feeding the skin were exposed, they too fell away.
What amazing healing metaphors were brought to me! When the dirty skin is gently rubbed its outer shell can easily peel away! The seeds causing the skin to grow can be released from its trap and Lunaria’s hidden luminous beauty is what remains.
Personally, I’ve been living inside a confined illusion unaware of the trappings at my deepest core. As I face the dirt in my 15% and gently rub my layers, as I see the revealed trapped seeds of abuse fall away, what’s remaining is the authentic and beautiful luminous true me, Shining!
I had nowhere left to hide. I could no longer hide. Now through the clouds I’m beginning to see love shine. And…It looks like love is finally finding me. As my dearest friend, Nissan Yisrael aka The Monk recently told me, “The truth came through the Light and the Light ain’t goin’ away.”
So, Let’s talk about love.
Jacke L. Schroeder, MSW, LCSW-C, founder of Corporate Shaman U, brings spirit to work and ties personal growth to the bottom line. She cracks open doors of hard-to-reach places and the truth slips in. Clients catch a glimpse of their greatest potential. Her candid kindness, stalwart companionship and unanticipated comedic delivery, reinvents one’s change process. Disciples become their own Masters when they invest in themselves as well as their businesses. How do you put a price tag on that?
Baltimore/Washington D.C. based, Jacke’s local and national delivery portals include: personal and executive leadership development, business consulting, customized workshops, classes and speaking engagements.
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