Transition: Becoming the Queen
This has always been my very favorite book, the one I take down most often from the shelf. I hope it will come to mean as much to you. ~Gramps.
My grandfather’s favorite book was Alice in Wonderland and it holds a special place in my heart. I received three copies of the book from him when I was a child. Two birthdays and one Christmas. I think he wanted to make sure I read it and understood the hidden messages. The signs that would explain the secrets of life.
In case you haven’t read the book, Alice in Wonderland is a story about growing and discovering your identity. There are references to time, games people play, rules, life, death and choices. A children’s book for adults.
I saw one copy on the bookshelf yesterday and opened it to read the inscription from the Christmas of 1975 when I had just finished my first semester of college.
Tears sprang to my eyes as I read this timely message. “…only a few yards to go…” and his words, “I hope it will come to mean as much to you.” Little did he know how many times, it would arrive at just the right time to reconnect me with his simple life wisdom. This time it was a reflection of my journey since the death of my husband in 2005. A nine year transition that sometimes feels like a never ending story of releasing and letting go.
Nine years! Isn’t transition supposed to go faster than that? Like you actually “land” in the next part of your life and there is some level of stability? Geez. Every time I think I have found a landing pad and start to take a breath, it feels like something else happens and the road is cracking and rocky and changing again. I don’t even know what a comfort zone or stability is any more.
To be perfectly honest, there have been so many times in the nine years when I have just wanted to give up. Not to the point of ending my physical life, just to the point of wanting to crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head and not come out again. EVER!!!
And at the same time, the gems I have found from going into the darkness or into uncertainty and surrender have been amazing. You know what I mean about uncertainty and surrender? It’s like the moment you take your hands off the handle bars of your bike, go over the edge and ride down the hill. Hands in the air! Total surrender to the ride. Scary, exhilarating and filled with surprises.
I noticed something recently. It is getting easier to have conversations like, “I have a sense that I am going to move out of my house. I don’t know when or where. I just have a feeling. I will let you know when I have more information.” And I am getting used to sitting in the sensation of someone’s fear or confusion or discomfort when I say things like that. I wait. Notice the reaction. Let go of needing to rescue or explain more, shrug my shoulders, smile and let them know that the rest of the information and the next step hasn’t arrived in my consciousness yet. Stay tuned for the adventure.
So, this blog is my attempt to reconnect. I want you to know I have missed you all in the last year while I have been living in an immersion type experience. Living in a community house with nine people, learning a new practice called Orgasmic Meditation, taking two courses in Sexuality and Communication while running Heal My Voice, and interacting with the Board of Directors as we all step into greater leadership. I have also created a new teleclass series and I have been immersed in intimacy relationship research with a man who lives in Europe. Diving into the experiences and learning.
And now everything is coming to an end in the next six weeks. I am emerging with the gems and I have a strong desire to connect with you and share behind the scenes details of the intimacy research, orgasmic meditation, living in community, the evolution of Heal My Voice and the next projects.
So, here we go. A new weekly blog to share more of the details.
If you have questions or are curious about things I am sharing, let me know. Post in the comments and ask questions.
Andrea Hylen is the Founder of Heal My Voice, a Coach, Author, Speaker, Parent, with expertise in Grief, Healing from sexuality and trauma, Orgasmic Meditation Teacher, Sexuality and Relationship Coaching, Writing to Heal, Connecting through Social Media, Blogging and Radio Show Hosting. www.andreahylen.com