Author Archives: Andrea Hylen

100 days of blogging: Oct 1, 2015 – Jan 8, 2016

Screen Shot 2015-09-13 at 8.44.03 PMDay 1 of 100 days of blogging

(October 1, 2015 – January 8, 2016)

There is something really powerful about committing to a time period of writing. Daily writing activates something in our brains that helps us to access deeper emotions, thoughts, truths and feelings. Writing helps us wake up to new layers of expression and understanding. Writing primes the pump, encourages growth and action and stimulates new ideas.

Writing can be in the form of typing on a computer, writing with fancy pens and journals or jotting notes on scraps of paper. Writing helps us to focus and digest; to bring our words into form.

We write to be witnessed. Write to share our process. Write to inspire. And the most important: Always, always, always, begin by writing for the discovery of YOU!

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Last month, I felt an impulse, an inspiration to commit to an immersion in writing. Although I have been a journal writer since I was a teenager, I noticed a pattern that has emerged since I began to write publicly eight years ago. There is something potent about this time period: Oct 1, 2015 – January 8, 2016. I have primed the pump many times in the fall/winter. And out of the commitment has emerged new birth.

cropped-816.jpgIn 2007, the idea for the book Conscious Choices: An Evolutionary Woman’s Guide to Life was birthed during this time period and my writing voice was shared publicly for the first time.

In 2009, I sold my house and prepared to move to California which birthed a year of writing and deeper connection to hear my own voice.

In 2010, I developed and hosted 44 Blogtalk radio shows on Grief Transformation which birthed the organization Heal My Voice.

In 2013, I signed up for a course on Sexuality and I became a grandmother which birthed a fuller, richer experience of desire and connection to my soul.

As I look at all of the ideas that are bubbling to the surface for writing, I am excited and nervous. It takes a level of focus and commitment and a willingness to feel everything. Fear and excitement are interchangeable. What will I discover about myself in this exploration? What will I discover about you? Wisdom, Blessings, Transformation. Next steps…

I encourage you to write and explore with me. Share your comments and links to your blogs. And who knows what we will see on the other side. I know whatever it is will be rich!

To the adventure!

 

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Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership.  Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

Using the Feelings of Failure as a Tool of Exploration

Screen Shot 2015-08-23 at 8.31.13 AMFlying home to Baltimore, I had a sudden flash of fear and sadness ripple through my body. The feeling and thought was, “I am a failure.” Ten years since my husband died. Five years of living in Los Angeles and traveling to different parts of the world, why do I feel like a failure?

I can make a list of some of the things I have accomplished since my husband died ten years. Organized and sponsored Evolutionary Women retreats and mentored a group of 44 women to write stories in a book called Conscious Choices: An Evolutionary Woman’s Guide to Life. Ordained as a spiritual peace minister in the Beloved Community. Studied and completed two different year long coaching programs. Completed the homeschooling of my youngest child who graduated from Santa Monica College and is now enrolled at UCLA. Sold a house and my husband’s business and moved from Maryland to California. Drove over 40,000 miles in the United States in a three year period.  Traveled to several countries. Started an organization called Heal My Voice with nine published books of true stories by women, two of the books in Swedish and developed and launched several other programs. Became On Purpose Woman of the Year in 2013. And there is much more I could add to this list.

Looking at that list, how can I even think I am a failure?

It comes down to internal and external expectations. It means I am focusing on the things I haven’t accomplished. It means I am trying to measure myself by the standards of society, family and friends.

This is not the first time I have felt like this. In 1980, when my 5th High School Reunion rolled around, I didn’t attend because I had this feeling of not having done enough. I had graduated from Temple University with a BSW and was immediately hired by an organization focused on working with teenagers. I loved my job and my life. I was living with my boyfriend. We had been together for four years. But we weren’t married and were not engaged and I wasn’t pregnant. It is so crazy to think about it now as my 40th reunion is approaching. Why did I think I should have accomplished all of that in 5 years?

I was caught up in the inner critic and the expectations in my head and noticing the life that other high school graduates were living in my town. I now have moments of feeling incredulous about that because it feels so crazy! AND…here I am once again with this idea of expectations of what my life “should” look like and what I “should” have accomplished instead of asking myself if I am using the time I have on the earth to experience and explore life in ways that are meaningful to me. Am I living the life I want to be living?

Screen Shot 2015-08-24 at 9.43.03 AMLife is a journey, not a destination.

Even that statement is limiting, it is more than that. Life is a series of experiences where we learn about ourselves in connection to people, places and things. A moment of intimate connection, a moment of laughter, a moment of sensation with smell, touch, seeing, hearing, feeling. It is the moment in the experiences. It is many journeys with many twists and turns and many destinations. Stops along the road.

So, noticing the feeling of failure in my heart and soul right now, I have been using the feelings as a tool of exploration. Noticing the depth of this feeling inside of me and noticing how it is being reflected in the comments of a few well meaning family and friends. For the last six weeks, I have embraced this feeling of failure as a teacher. I let myself sit in the feelings; Giving myself a day here and there to just feel shitty. No pushing through it to find the silver lining, to give myself a pep talk, no putting on a happy face or listing all the ways I have impacted hundreds, maybe thousands of people in the world.

Feeling all of the feelings is helping me to unravel outdated beliefs and get to some core or root issues. It is helping me to identify my “expectations” and the societal pressure to be anything except me. It is helping me to get in touch with my desire, to love myself more, to redefine my life and let it come into form with newly discovered desires. It is helping me to notice where I have impacted the world around me. It is helping me to find questions to ask and explore. I am writing, meditating, listening, reading, watching movies, having some conversations with people.

What do I want to create? Who do I want to spend time with? Where do I want to live?

At the age of 58, there is an expectation that I should be looking to retire, slow down, live in one place.   Instead, I am continuing to live what may seem like a radical life. I listen to Spirit and I follow the beat of my inner guidance. I do not own a home or a car. I have been asking myself if I want to change that and how will that serve the expansion of the work I am passionate about. Do I need my own home to do the things I want and feel guided to be doing in the world? Or is it better to be home free?

The question I ask myself regularly is: “What does my soul want to experience and how what gifts do I have to share with the world?”

This is the experience I am choosing right now. Living in temporary spaces by house and pet sitting. Working out of coffee shops. Writing and listening.

I am curious. What is the question you are exploring right now? Post in the comment section and share it with us.

 

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I wrote this blog post in August 2015. Nine months later there were new ideas and a new program I created that helped me excavate and alchemize my experiences into supporting women on the same journey.

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11221663_10206695548965486_4428285337577975775_oAndrea Hylen received the 2013 On Purpose Women award by the On Purpose  Networking for Women (OPN) organization in Baltimore, MD in recognition for her work to empower everyday women and girls all over the world. She founded Heal My Voice through her own experiences with grief, trauma, and loss which lead to living from greater inner authority, purpose and leadership. Andrea’s journey with grief includes the loss of her brother, husband and son.

 

With more than thirty-five years of training and teaching experience, Andrea is a coach, author, speaker, and parent, with expertise in grief, and healing from sexuality and trauma. Her training includes, BSW from Temple University, Ordained Minister in the Beloved Community, Enwaken Coaching System and OneTaste Coaching program and ongoing trainings in energy healing.

In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach. She thoroughly enjoys connecting through social media, blogging and hosting radio shows.

 

Lost? Go to Plan B and Flow

Screen Shot 2014-10-25 at 11.32.58 PMI woke up Saturday morning feeling lost.

Empty.

I noticed that the things on my “schedule” brought me into a state of feeling even more lost. My mind thought Restorative yoga at 7:30am sounded like a good thing I should do for my body. I dragged myself out of bed even though I was tired from late night talking with my daughter. Walking to the new studio, I got lost when my phone died and I didn’t know the rest of the way. Getting lost meant I would be late, especially if I stopped in a store and asked for directions.

So, I took a breath. Walked a few more blocks, turned right on a familiar street to find my way back to my daughter’s apartment and I saw a restaurant with the name, “Plan B.”

Good one God.

At the apt, I walked up the stairs, climbed back into my bed, and emptied my mind. I waited and noticed the thoughts that were crossing my mind.

Start again.

Get dressed.

Get on #1 Bus to Santa Monica. A 20 minute ride to the beach.

 

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I have landed back in LA after living out of my suitcase for 5 1/2 months. Home free. Traveling around the world. Living with Board Members and Heal My Voice Authors. Expanding my business. Saying Yes to experiences that put me into compression, a form of pressure where I can discover more about myself and discover the vision for Heal My Voice for 2015.

Now, I am staying with my youngest daughter in her studio apartment. Sleeping on an air mattress with our cat curled up next to me as I rest. I need rest. Time to integrate all of the changes and new awareness.

I want all of the answers right now and even as I say that I know it is not time to know. Today. I know the next steps and the answers will come. Feeling lost is a way of emptying the things I think I know. Being empty is part of the process of flow. It is the part where I get to breathe, wait, recover, reflect and rest.

Staying present on Saturday, I found myself in Flow again which led me to write in a coffee shop, pick up mail at my business mailbox, buy a pair of my favorite flip flops, a walk on the beach, a Pinkberry peppermint and chocolate frozen yogurt cone and back home to rest.

I am not really lost. Are you?

Leadership: Following my inner guidance

Journal Entry Sun, March 7, 2010
Day 55: On the Road
Silver Lake, CA

Following my Inner Guidance

I want to trust my inner guidance all the time.  I want to go sleep with a question and wake up with a clear answer. I want to take a long walk and have the answer by the time I return.

Sometimes when I receive guidance it feels like Pow! Wow! and a huge AHA! when an idea bursts forward and an answer appears. Other times there is a little voice or feeling that tells me to call someone or go to some place or do something and I know that the guidance is there, if I choose it. It can also feel like nothing is happening and like the inner guidance has disappeared or is defective.

I was walking to the Santa Monica Pier one morning last week. I pressed the pedestrian button to cross Ocean Avenue. A voice from the street light speaker spoke to me. Wait … Wait … Wait… Cross Ocean Avenue, Cross Ocean Avenue and then the countdown, 19, 18, 17, 16, 15, 14…5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

As I walked on the beach, asking questions and listening for answers, I thought, why can’t my intuition speak to me with that clarity, that rhythm? Wait, cross, and the countdown that lets me know, if I don’t move into it soon, the window of opportunity will close.

The truth is that my inner guidance always works. I believe that with my whole heart. Sometimes the answers take longer even when I want it now. With the delay, I doubt my inner guidance and I begin to look outside of myself for the answers.

Looking for the answer to a specific question can be a distraction from the deeper question. I can feel the squirminess inside of me that wants the answer and I want to it now. It feels like it can actually block the question that will help me find answers.

There is more to learn and I am willing and eager student. I am learning to ask deeper questions. I am learning how to follow my inner guidance as a tool of leadership. I am learning how to live in this space of uncertainty.

Here are some of the general questions that have helped me get to a deeper place.

What is my next step?
What do I need to know about today?
How can I serve?

Then, wait and listen. The answer can come in the form of a book, a TV show, an inspired conversation, a billboard or a phone call.

I am imagining that in one or two months, life will be busy with opportunities and writing deadlines and travel and a flow of money.

I ask myself:

What do I want to do now during this time of waiting?
How can I use this time of uncertainty to develop skills and stay open to new answers?

One step at a time…I am listening.

 

PowerHouse 2014 Summit: Authenticity and Community

Day 98 of 100 Days of Blogging

Authenticity and Community

“The more in vibrational sync you are with who you really are, then the more you are allowing only those things that you’re wanting, and the less resistance there is. And the less resistance there is, then the less delay between the idea of the thought and the receiving of it.” – Esther Hicks & Abraham

Last week, I was on the beach thinking about what it means to be authentic in community. I was thinking about how many things we keep hidden from each other to “save face”, to hide shame and guilt, to pretend we have it all together and to keep our deepest desires hidden. Sharing our lives, our hearts and our secrets can provide beautiful spaces for connection, trust and healing together. Sharing secrets can free us individually and collectively. When we have the courage to be real and connect with others, it frees everyone.

I am excited to be a part of this Video Summit on Tuesday, January 7, 2014. (Every day from January 6-10, 2014 there are several speakers. Nine women total.)

Powerhouse 2014 Summit: Authenticity and Community.

If interested, you can sign up here for free.  http://ashastories.com/powerhouse2014summit

Watch the short video and share a secret or two with us. A hidden desire, a hidden fear, a hidden passion…

Tell Me a Secret…

Day 97 of 100 days of Blogging

Last spring, I was with a group of 100 people at a social event at the Hotel W in Hollywood. After everyone arrived, we broke into small groups of five and went out into the streets of Hollywood with a scavenger list of activities.

One of the “tasks” was to ask three people to tell you a secret. It was fun to see the different reactions on each person’s face from excitement to confusion as they shared a variety of secrets.

I approached a man, who looked like he was in his 30’s, standing in line to get into a club and asked him the question: Tell me a secret.

He looked around at the other people and looked at me asking if I was serious. I shared the details of our group activity and asked him again to Tell me a Secret.

He paused for a moment and then leaned towards my ear as he whispered, “I do yoga.” I was confused. “Is that a secret?” I asked him. He looked around to see if anyone was listening. “Yes. My friends would make fun of me, if they knew.” It really hit me in that moment how much we hide from each other and how it actually disconnects us from ourselves.

How many of us have secrets that we think we can’t share with the people who are closest to us? And what does that do to hold us back from speaking our deepest desires and connecting with each other. How does that stop us from living our fullest expression.

Today! Let’s connect!

In the comments section, post a secret desire.

Let’s see and feel each other.

 

 

Andrea Hylen believes in the power of a woman’s voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, a Writing and Transition Coach, Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and co- author of Conscious Choices: An Evolutionary Woman’s Guide to Life. Andrea has discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to celebrate life after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. She currently lives in Los Angeles following the inspiration to collaborate with women in organizations and to travel around the world speaking and leading workshops. Her passion is connecting women to support each other in the full expression of who they are.

A Little Dream Comes True

Day 96 of 100 Days of Blogging

When I was growing up, I had the wish that I would have an older brother and sister. My older brother would get me dates and my sister would advise me. When I first had this desire, I was 13 years old, the oldest child with a sister two years younger than me and a brother who was seven years younger.

In that wish, there was an underlying desire to have older siblings who would help me to navigate life. I was so confused about how to fit in and where I belonged and how to dress and how to make new friends in my new school at a time when I felt so awkward.

Today I had an unexpected moment of having an experience of having an older brother. Somehow in this experience, it felt like everything was right with the world.

I asked one of my housemates, Erik, to get my bike down from the ceiling chains in the garage. He decided to ride his bike to the beach, too. The whole time we were riding I felt like I was his little sister. We didn’t plan it. It just happened that the organic interaction between us brought up these feelings.He carried the bikes out to the driveway and then lifted my bike into the air and over the car that was parked in the driveway and onto the sidewalk. He told me to go first as we headed down the street. As we approached Venice Boulevard, a busy street he told me when to cross the street and showed me where to stay on the bike path between cars . He followed me for one block then told me he was going to ride fast to the stop light. When he got there, he waited for me. During the 2 mile ride to the beach, he wove back and forth speeding up and slowing down and turning his head back to check on me.

At the beach there was no direct entrance onto the bike path. Erik rode up a grassy path, over a hill, through a mud ravine to the bike path and I followed him, the way a little sister who wants to keep up and be included would do. With a full water bottle, a heavy bike lock and a blanket in my basket, I couldn’t make the sharp turn onto the path. I wiped out on the sand and fell landing on my thumb. I could feel the pulsing of a sprain. Still shaky I climbed back on the bike and peddled fast to catch up. I took the lead and wove around two tight curves. With an encouraging tone, he said, “That was so great! You made it around the tight curves.” Big brother words of encouragement after the spill.

We rode on the path for awhile and then parted to run errands and do the activities we each wanted to do at the beach.

In that moment, I felt warm and tingly and happy. I had my big brother~little sister moment.

A Little Dream Came True…

Fearless Voices Introduction by Andrea Hylen

Day 95 of 100 days of Blogging

Heal My Voice is an organization committed to empowering women to heal a story in their life, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership at the dinner table, in their communities and in the world.

Fearless Voices is the first book in a series of three books published in 2012 and 2013.

Introduction by Andrea Hylen, Founder of Heal My Voice (March 2012)

During the last nine months, twenty-two women gathered in a circle in the form of a secret Facebook group, with weekly phone calls, and in-person gatherings. The focus of our connection was to write a story that would heal an experience in our lives.
In the writing, the gentle reading and editing, the listening and support, using vulnerability as power, our voices emerged clearer and stronger. 
Writing. 
          Speaking. 
                    Leadership.
There are a lot of details I could write about our time together and I am on a mission. I don’t have a lot of time to bring you into the story. So, I am going to get right to the point.
Women are only using a small percentage of their voices. 
I don’t have any scientific proof like the studies that have been conducted on the brain. You know the studies, the ones that say we are only using a small percentage of our brains?
I will venture to say that women are only using a small percentage of their voices; a small percentage of their infinite potential; a small percentage of their unique, beautiful gifts and wisdom. My proof comes from being a woman, working with women, gathering in community with women, raising three daughters, volunteering as a Girl Scout Leader and a Destination Imagination Coach and witnessing women in all areas of my life.
I have witnessed their brilliance, their hearts and seen how powerful they are when no one is looking, when no one can see, when no one can hurt them and when someone believes in them. I have seen them stand up for other people but rarely for themselves.
Here is what I have also seen:
We apologize when we have done nothing wrong. We are afraid to ask for what we want. We are afraid to take up too much space. We think that other people have the answers for how we should live our lives. We hold on too tight. We give up too easily. We call each other names, put each other down, gossip instead of having direct, honest conversations. We whine, use passive-aggressive behavior, we learn to manipulate, back stab and hide as we go around the back door to try to get what we want. 
It is time for that to change and many of us have made the choice to do that. We are courageous. We are fearless. We are healing an old story and we are practicing with our newly discovered voices until it becomes a natural way of living, of speaking, of honoring our words, our wisdom and acknowledging and celebrating each other.
It is time for women to heal their voices in communities where they can practice, feel safe, be seen and heard and heal from the wounds from trauma, loss, grief and abuse. And from that newly healed, grounded place, we are learning to fully express who we really are.
In the Heal My Voice book circles and letter writing projects, we believe healing an old story leads women to a richer expression of their unique gifts and leadership and gives them more access to the full expression of their voice. 
When a woman is nurtured in community and given a space to speak about what she feels, thinks and wants, she heals her voice and begins to speak from a place of wisdom. She learns to listen to her inner guidance. She asks for support when she needs it. She taps into her vulnerability and uses it as power. She discovers her innate wisdom.
Why does it matter now?
Things are rapidly changing in the world. We are in a time of breakdown. The old structures are crumbling. And we have the chance to rebuild, rethink, and release things that no longer work. Women standing together and standing side by side with men is what is needed. We need the full expression of who we are. Connected to our hearts; Listening to and acting from inspiration; Joining together to lift humanity. We can’t heal the planet when we ourselves are emotionally and spiritually wounded. 
The mission is to empower a community of women who heal a story in their lives, reconnect with their inner authority, and discover the next steps in leadership. Women in community expressing vulnerability, supporting each other, encouraging, laughing, connecting, collaborating and celebrating life.
As Marianne Williamson wrote in, “A Return to Love:”
“Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
We are no longer just saying the words. We have gathered in community, healing our voices, giving each other permission and liberating each other. We are living this now.
This is the first of a series of books that are being created in communities of women around the world. This is a series of Voices individually and collectively breaking through into new territory and a new world.
We begin with Fearless Voices. We are ready now.




Book of stories is available on Amazon:

 http://www.amazon.com/Fearless-Voices-Stories-Courageous-Volume/dp/061560725X/

Intimacy and Vulnerability and Going to the Dentist

Day 94 of 100 days of Blogging

I am leaning in and posting this as a blog because I refuse to run away and hide.

I spent a few hours chatting on FB the other day with a FB friend who I recently met in person. We were talking about desire, sharing some of our stories, becoming more  and intimacies.

He wrote, “Can I ask you an intimacy?” I said, “Yes.” He said, “What about your teeth?”

I am so grateful for the gentle way the intimacy was delivered. I am so grateful for all of the feelings and emotions that have come up and for the action that it inspired me to take.

Up until 4 years ago, I regularly went to the dentist. My teeth have always been a weak area in my body system and during my 4 pregnancies and the 19 months of my son’s birth and death, I always lost one or two teeth. In 2009, I was having some major restoration work done and then someone’s bankruptcy that year wiped out $200,000 which was all of my money. All dental care stopped and I just learned to deal with the unfinished work and missing teeth.

I am just getting back on my feet financially this year. Two weeks ago, one of my housemates and I were talking about finding a dentist and I was still procrastinating. Then, I cracked a tooth and I have been self-conscious about it. Getting my teeth fixed is one of the things on my desire list for this year. It has been an example of where I put my own self care last and this is the year I am changing that.
The feelings that came up in the intimacy are intermixed with shame and compassion. My mind is like a wild animal with it sometimes. I feel a wave of shame and I think “I can’t see him again until all of the work is done on my teeth. Until I fix them all.”

And so I have decided to do the thing that I know is the stretch, the through line, the way to change. I am posting it publicly. I am saying it out loud. I am going to start smiling the way I used to and love myself in the process while I am still getting my teeth repaired.

The day after the intimacy was delivered, I found a dentist. I have already had my teeth cleaned and scheduled an appt in October to get the first tooth fixed. My goal is to get something repaired every month and within a year have all of the restoration work complete.

Boom! Take that shame! Throwing you out the door and living life as I am today.

Thank you Facebook friend.

I am Powered by Orgasm.

IMG_0819Day 93 of 100 days of blogging
I used to connect the word orgasm to the act of climax during intercourse. As I have been exploring the power of orgasm as an energy over the last year, I have found that I like this definition better.

Orgasm:  A similar point of intensity of emotional excitement.

It describes the energy that pulses through me when I am excited about living life. Excited about being free to be me. Excited because I feel a wide range of emotions. Excited because I am in the flow of orgasm.In the past 18 months, I have practiced Orgasmic Meditation to cultivate the power of connection and lighting up the energy in my body. Orgasmic Meditation is a 15 minute partnered practice. The Principles are Connection, Sensation, Simplicity and Attention which connect you to a natural state of flow.That flow connects you to Orgasm as in Stillness, Resolution, Restoration, Turned On, Excitement, Peaking, Play and Climax. Being in flow connects you the cycle and you may experience 1, 2, 3 or more of the stages.To learn more about cultivating your “Orgasm”Go to this page for up to date events and training

Go to this page for additional videos and information.

 

It is the Power of Orgasm that:

…fueled me to leave my first husband and break free of old beliefs and patterning and find my voice.

It is the Power of Orgasm that:

…inspired me to home school my children with creativity and adventure.
It is the Power of Orgasm that:

…compelled me to go to 78 Jonas Brothers concerts in 2 1/2 years with my teenage daughter.

It is the Power of Orgasm that:

…moved me to host 44 internet radio shows in 45 days when I had never hosted a radio show before.

It is the Power of Orgasm that:

…pulsed through me to start the organization Heal My Voice.

“Orgasm” to me is a superpower energy that encourages me to say, “YES!”, that pushes me into the world, that inspires me with the juice in my desire to experience as much as I possibly can while I am living life!

I AM POWERED BY ORGASM