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Living with Intent: Preparing for a New Year

Posted on December 31, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 92 of 100 days of Blogging

The week after Christmas and leading up to New Year’s Day has always had a certain rhythm for me. It looks like this: Reflection. Celebration. Preparation.

Reflection:

serious thought or consideration.

From writing thank you notes, to slowing down and watching films, reading books, sitting by the fire, deeper conversations. Journal writing about the previous year. Thinking about the experiences, the successes and failures. Playing games with my kids. Feeling and Being.

Celebrations:

Birthday celebrations!

By December 29th, I would take down all of the holiday decorations. Clean the house and get ready for the final celebrations of the year. Although we are now spread all over the world and I am no longer the driving force of the celebrations, I can still feel this celebratory excitement of the final birthdays of the year and the opening of a new year.

Bob and Paula Hylen (my parents) December 29 (83 and 84. Celebrated in Florida)

Mary Baxter (oldest daughter) December 30 (32 years old and celebrating in Ecuador)

Hurley Cox (husband now deceased) December 31. (Forever age 60. Last birthday celebrated in 2004)

Preparation:

…getting ready for the New Year!

Writing our dreams and wishes on paper. Releasing the old with Fire ceremonies. Meditating. Art supplies. Scissors. New magazines. Glue Sticks. Poster Board. Treasure Maps. Vision Boards. New journals. Cleaning.

What is possible for the New Year?

It’s a new day!

**********

Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voices to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

Posted in Intention

Crossing the Bridge: Change is in the Year

Posted on December 30, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 91 of 100 days of Blogging

It happens every year. December 31 ends one year. January 1 begins a new year. Then we all go through a transition of remembering to write the next year. Writing 2016, instead of 2015. It is part of the transition. It is part of change.

Transition is a part of life. We all have other endings and beginnings every year. Changing jobs. Moving. Deaths. Birth. Rebirth. Sometimes we choose endings and new beginnings. Sometimes we have change thrust upon us and sometimes change is happening that is so subtle we may not have even noticed it was happening.

When I was laid off from a job in 1990, there was a little bit of a warning but it felt like we were just going through a rough patch. I had no idea that our whole department of 20 people was going to be laid off. When it finally happened, I spent a week in disbelief. Then, took a week to sit in the uncertainty of it and did a few things like spend a day walking in silence in Washington, DC. Then, I went on job interviews. I was hired for a short term consulting job and then discovered I was pregnant. My second husband and I would be having our first child. I continued to look for work because I saw myself as a mother with a career. A mother who needed to find the next job. My first two children had been raised in a day care routine when I worked and I assumed the third would be the same.

And then a standard sonagram in month 7 of my pregnancy showed that our child was a son and he had a problem with his heart. With no job, it made sense that I would be the stay at home parent while he was undergoing heart surgeries. I never returned to a full-time job outside of the home. Life changed. New beginnings kept showing up. Nothing was ever the same again. My whole life path and expectation had been altered.

Since the birth and death of my son, I have learned to feel when there is subtle change and early warnings in the air. I have learned through meditation, journal writing, Tai Chi, and other practices that have connected me to my intuition and awakened my “knowing” and trusting “feelings.”

I’ve learned to recognize the subtle patterns that appear when I am moving from an ending to a new beginning. There is a thing called the “in between” space. And when I am there, the recurring pattern gives me a clue.

The typical clues for me:

I feel lost.

I feel like a failure.

I feel like I am letting people down.

I feel like people are mad at me.

I become irritable.

I have a running dialogue of other people’s voices every time I make a move.

When I wake up and realize that something is shifting and change is coming, the next part of the pattern is put into motion.

I start making different choices.

I spend more time in silence and writing.

I become a detective looking for clues in signs, conversations and bubbling desire.

I take baby steps.

I ask more questions.

I turn up the patience quotient and I wait…

So, here we are on the precipice of a new year. Follow the steps and move into the new year with wide, open eyes, and notice what is subtly calling out to you.

Ready…Set…Go!

**********

Posted in Transformation, Transitions

Feminism: Awareness + Action = Change Part 2

Posted on December 29, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 90 of 100 days of Blogging

When it was first available on video in 2004, I bought a copy of the film Mona Lisa Smile and watched it many times with my three daughters. I loved how the lead character, the teacher, challenged the students to think. I home schooled my daughters from 1996-2006 with the intention to learn and teach in an environment that would stimulate creativity, problem solving, personal responsibility and connection to community. My focus was to teach them how to find and use resources and make decisions that would stimulate life long learning. It is my passion to cultivate learning and leadership and I LOVE seeing a teacher who is doing the same.

When the film crossed my path again a few days ago, it showed me a picture of something I have been thinking about since my Aunt Ellen died in September 2015. The journey for women who are challenging conventionally defined gender roles or challenging expectations of how a woman is supposed to live her life.

My Aunt and my mother both graduated from college in 1954. My mother married my Dad. Raised three kids. Supported my Dad in his 33 year career with Pillsbury and packed the house and moved 20 times.

My Aunt married my Uncle, started working at Liberty Mutual where a man mentored her and opened a door to advancement that was normally opened only for men. She had the education, the brains, and the ambition. During her 30 year career, she rose to the ranks of Assistant Vice President. My Aunt and my Uncle never had children during their 60 year marriage but they loved and nurtured many, many children of their family and friends.

Two women: One chose career. One chose homemaker and motherhood.

*****

After watching the film once, I watched it the next day to reflect on the dialogue and the subtle messages and the obvious messages.

Mona Lisa Smile, a description of the film from Wikipedia:

In 1953, Katherine Ann Watson, a 30-year-old graduate student in the department of Art History at Oakland State, takes a position teaching “History of Art” at Wellesley College, a conservative women’s private liberal arts college in Massachusetts, because she wants to make a difference and influence the next generation of women. At her first class, Katherine discovers that the women have already memorized the entire syllabus from the textbook, so she uses the classes to introduce them to Modern Art and encourages spirited classroom discussions about topics such as what makes good art and what the Mona Lisa’s smile means.

When the film begins, the faculty is inside the building and young women students are outside on the steps. The dialogue is between the President of the College (a woman) and the Student President (a woman).

President of College: Who knocks at the door of learning?

Student President: I am Every Woman

President of College: What do you seek?

Student President: To awaken my spirit through hard work and dedicate my life to knowledge.

President of College: Then, you are welcome. All women who seek to follow you can enter here. I now declare the academic year begun.

I could feel my heart skip a beat of excitement! I am Every Woman! Being asked what I seek. What I long for, desire. Being asked and then invited into the space. It stirs my heart. Women being acknowledged and seen as smart and valued!

In one of the early scenes, the teacher challenges them to look at art and tell her what they think:

Katherine Watson (Teacher): “Carcass”, by Soutine, 1925. Is it any good? C’mon, ladies, there’s no wrong answer. There’s also no textbook telling you what to think. It’s not that easy, is it?

Students:

Betty Warren: Alright, no. It’s not good. In fact, I wouldn’t even call it art. It’s grotesque.
Connie Baker: Is there a rule against art’s being grotesque?
Giselle Levy: I think there’s something aggressive about it. And erotic.
Betty Warren: To you, everything is erotic.
Giselle Levy: Everything *is* erotic.
Susan Delacorte: Aren’t there standards?
Betty Warren: Of course there are! Otherwise, a tacky velvet painting could be equated to a Rembrandt!
Connie Baker: Hey, my Uncle Ferdie has two tacky velvet paintings. He loves those clowns.
Betty Warren: There *are* standards! Technique, composition, color, even subject. So, if you’re suggesting that rotted side of meat is art, much less *good* art, then what are we going to learn?

Katherine Watson (Professor): Just that. You have outlined our new syllabus, Betty, thank you. What is art? What makes it good or bad, and who decides?

Contrast that scene to this comment from a teacher during the class called: Marriage Lectures:

“A few years from now, your sole responsibility will be taking care of your home, your children and your husband. You may all be in this class for an easy A. But the grade that matters the most is the one he gives you.”

After a student writes an editorial criticizing the teacher, she enters the classroom challenging them again:

Katherine Watson: I give up, you win. The smartest women in the country, I didn’t realize that by demanding excellence I would be challenging… what did it say?

[Walks over to a student and picks up her copy of the editorial]
Katherine Watson: What did it say? Um… the roles you were born to fill. Is that right?[Looks up at Betty who wrote the editorial]
Katherine Watson: The roles you were born to fill? It’s, uh, it’s my mistake.
[Katherine drops the student’s paper back onto her desk]
Katherine Watson: Class dismissed.
[Katherine walks out of the classroom]

******

“The day will come when men will recognize woman as his peer, not only at the fireside, but in councils of the nation. Then, and not until then, will there be the perfect comradeship, the ideal union between the sexes that shall result in the highest development of the race.” – Susan B. Anthony

******

I had a conversation with my mother this week while visiting her in Florida. I will be posting some of the things we discussed in Part 3 of this series.

What are your thoughts?

**********

Andrea Hylen at Agape in Los Angeles

Posted in Feminist

Setting Intentions: Tuning In

Posted on December 28, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 89 of 100 days of Blogging

In her book Living with Intent, Mallika Chopra interviewed Eckhart Tolle.

Mallika: “What is intention? How do you define it and bring intentions to life?”

Eckhart: “At it’s basic, intention is a thought that arises in the mind and wants to manifest in the external world. On a cosmic scale, before something manifests, it is probably already there in the mind of God. “

What do I want?

What does the universe want from me?

What can I give to the universe?

*****

Eighteen months ago, I wrote a list of 20 intentions. Some of them manifested fully in one month to 18 months.

Some of the things on my list:

*Dental work: I have been going to the Baltimore dental school since October and two money gifts from relatives to pay for it.

*A summer of reading and writing: Started in July and it extended into a desire to write blog posts for 100 days.

*A season of rest and quiet to recharge every year with weekly times of open space: 12 weeks started in July.

*Full time access to a car wherever I live or travel.

A friend loaned me a car for a year in Washington, DC and in Los Angeles I used Zipcar and Uber.

*A Home Free Space to live in: 18 months and it continues

More than goals the intentions on my list were an expression of visions and desires. Setting an intention list helped me focus and point my arrow in the direction I wanted to go. I was clear and connected to the feelings associated with each of the desires.

As Beth Terrence and I are opening the doors to 30 days of writing: Setting Intentions and Visioning Our Dreams 2016, I am reviewing my list. Spending some time in appreciation and gratitude for what is now in motion in my life. Reviewing the other intentions on my list. Getting clear and asking myself if I really want to create, manifest and attract the things on the list.

What do I need to release?

What are the next steps to take?

Opening my arms to receive.

If you are interested in joining us for a deep exploration, go to the website and register:

http://healmyvoice.org/30-day-writing-program/

**********

Posted in Intention

Finding Your Tribe: Authenticity

Posted on December 27, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 88 of 100 days of Blogging

In 1989, I was in an Insight seminar doing an exercise called a “Stretch”. The assignment for each of us was to do a short speech, a skit, or express something to the group of 50 people in the room that would stretch us, take us out of our comfort zone but not put us into a frozen state of panic. For my stretch, I had dressed up like a fairy godmother. I wore a lilac, poofy-sleeved bridesmaid dress and bought a Toys R Us fairy wand. I stood at the front of the room to call in the energy and slowly, softly and deliberately, I walked around the circle of people pausing to bless each person. Holding eye contact, I sent them love. Tapping them on the shoulder, I blessed them. In that moment I was everything I came here to be. They received my blessing, my presence, my power and it opened the door to me being more of me. When the facilitators asked me why that was a stretch for me, I shared that I rarely acknowledged how much personal power I have. I kept it hidden even from myself and I rarely stood in a group and let people see it.

Two years earlier I had left an abusive marriage and at the time of the Insight Seminar, I was still fighting my husband for custody of our children in court. At times I felt quite powerless. The experience in the Stretch gave me a touchstone. I had felt my quiet strength. I had seen the look in the eyes of each participant who I blessed and I knew that what I was transmitting something. I could see it in their faces.

I had found my tribe. A place where I could authentically be myself, where I was encouraged to be me and where I could explore and practice. Keep learning, make mistakes, start using my super powers more consciously and live life in a new way.

I met my second husband in that Insight tribe, found some close friends who are still in my life 30 years later. Supporting each other in love. There have been times when we have agreed and times when we have disagreed. Both are important in a tribe. Like-minded does not always mean you agree on everything.

That tribe was the beginning of learning to seek and find other tribes. Sometimes it would be around a 30 day project or a ten year passion project. I found people who had a similar interest and we banded together to support, learn and grow together.

I found and nourished a tribe when I was homeschooling my kids in an unschooling, community based learning style, a Shaklee community with people who were using alternative healing and nutrition when I was recovering from an autoimmune condition, an Evolutionary Women tribe where making conscious choices to create change were encouraged and embraced, a Heal My Voice tribe of authors writing our stories together in community. I know that each tribe has opened my eyes to new ideas, to creativity, to passions, and to explore who I am.

A tribe satisfies the human need to belong. A tribe should raise you up, not hold you down. Cultivate relationships in more than one tribe and be ready to take a break from the tribe or move on when it is time. Some tribes are long term and some are short term.

To connect with a tribe that would support you right now:

1. Ask yourself questions:

*What am I longing for?

*Where do I need support?

*What skills and talents can I give to the tribe?

2. Set an intention. Use the answers you discovered to carve a focus, to build the energy and call in your tribe.

3. Take inspired action.

*Take a class (a class may be your tribe)

*Go to a meet-up

*Follow up with someone you meet at a gathering.

*Connect

*Trust your feelings

*Take steps to build relationships.

As you enter this new year with shiny, bright, promising intentions for the year, be sure to spend time reflecting on the support and the tribe you need to make it happen!

Now…Go for it!

**********

Posted in Community

Reflections of 2015: Wandering

Posted on December 26, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 87 of 100 days of Blogging

And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We’re captive on the carousel of time
We can’t return we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game. ~ Joni Mitchell

I visited New York for a week and immersed myself in my practice of Orgasmic Meditation. Other than a few coaching calls and writing a daily blogpost, I had set an intention to connect throughout the day and evening in the OM community. Classes, community events and daily OM. There was a moment when I felt like nothing was happening and there were more roadblocks to connection than open doors. Lots of “No,” or “I am out of town, busy, not going.” So, I sat in silence and decided to let go of the details. To do the thing that was in front of me and to tune into the energy of wandering.

A picture came into my mind. I had a feeling of having been on a long, full road trip. Before I can drive even one more mile, I have to stop the car and unpack and clean some things up. To continue at this time without a pause means I would miss something.

It was time to become the listener and the watcher. To slow down. Notice at each step of each day: what I wanted to do and then what I discovered.

This is a familiar place. I have stopped along the road to examine, evaluate, carve a new path in every decade of my life. Stopping. Feeling. Changing Direction. There are always moments when I feel lost. Moments when I doubt. Moments when I have an aha! Moments when I see a new doorway. Moments when I take an inspired action. Moments when I see change is happening…slowly…surely…deliberately.

Be the silent watcher of your thoughts and behavior. You are beneath the thinker. You are the stillness beneath the mental noise. You are the love and joy beneath the pain. ~Eckhart Tolle

You were born with all of the answers you will ever need inside of you. They are encoded into the cells of your body. To hear the next awakening in this decade of your life, you have to create the space to listen. To witness what is happening within and around you. It takes time. It takes slowing down long enough to hear.

Pause. Listen. Reflect. Wait for it… Wait for it… Wait for it… Now, move!

**********

Posted in Inspiration

Before I Die…I want to Live!

Posted on December 25, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 86 of 100 days of blogging

“I have seen many depressions and other chronic suffering at whose source was the repression and denial of a strong, creative urge.” ~Carolyn Myss

I saw a photo on Facebook with the words Before I Die…and it stirred something in me. I was wondering why there is so much emphasis on what we want to do before we die instead of how to live a rich, creative and fulfilling life.

I hear the word Bucket List a lot these days. Bucket List: a list of things that one has not done before but wants to do before dying.

I read one list of 50 things to do before you die and it had things like:

1. Go on a road trip

2. Sleep under the stars

3. Watch all the movies everyone is talking about

4. Make something from scratch

5. Conquer a fear

6. Volunteer at a soup kitchen

As I read through the list, I thought, aren’t people already doing these things? If not, then what are they doing? How are they using their time on the planet? Is it possible that someone would die without volunteering their time somewhere?

I know that some bucket lists include things with boundary pushing, adventure like skydiving, bungie jumping, walking the Great Wall of China. Yes, I understand that. When I read those lists, I can see that the things on the list are probably connected to conquering a fear or following a deep passion for the adventure.

The thing I am also noticing on the lists is how people hold themselves back without living a life of creative expression. Holding themselves back because their family or friends might not approve. Holding themselves back because they have a belief that this idea doesn’t make sense in the big picture of their lives. Holding themselves back because they are afraid to be the fullest expression of themselves.

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?”
― Mary Oliver

So,maybe it is death that motivates us to actually live our lives. We lose a loved one. We get older and know that we will die eventually. Maybe it is the idea of dying that inspires us to make choices from our soul. To let go of doing what we think we are supposed to be doing and actually LIVE!

The Inspiration for the walls Before I die…:

After losing someone she loved and experiencing deep depression, artist Candy Chang created an interactive wall on an abandoned house in her neighborhood to create an anonymous place to help restore perspective and share intimately with neighbors while remaining an introvert. After receiving permission, she painted the side of an abandoned house in her neighborhood in New Orleans with chalkboard paint and stenciled it with a grid of the sentence, “Before I die I want to _______.” Anyone walking by could pick up a piece of chalk, reflect on their lives, and share their personal aspirations in public space.

http://beforeidie.cc/site/about/

As I read the words on some of the walls, I was struck by how powerful it would be, if each person set an intention with their words and took one step closer to making that happen.

Tell my mother I love her

Have some Fun.

Dance

Get Clean

Change the World

I wondered…

What would it take for you to LIVE now?

**********

Posted in Inspiration

Introduction to Empowered Voices

Posted on December 24, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 85 of 100 days of Blogging

An excerpt from the Introduction to Empowered Voices: True Stories by Awakened Women

Written by Andrea Hylen, Founder of Heal My Voice.

September 2012:

As I settled into my living room to fold laundry one cozy evening, I came upon a replay of an Alfred Hitchcock movie. All in black and white, the camera slowly zoomed in to focus on a husband cooking breakfast for his wife. They lived in a camping trailer and you could see the wife sleeping in the bed next to the kitchen. As the camera followed the husband carrying a tray of eggs, toast and coffee towards the bed, the wife began to yawn with cooing sounds of love and recognition and a soft “good morning,” stretch. He leaned down, carefully balancing the tray and kissing her on the cheek. Nuzzling her with his lips, cheek to cheek, he snuggled up to her ear, whispering softly, “Hey Worthless.” When I heard those two little words, I froze instantly, with an unfolded bath towel in my hands, standing stock still in disbelief.

What? WHA-WHAT? “Hey WORTHLESS?”

Those words had been offered as a term of endearment and a declaration of love. If I wasn’t so keenly aware of the power of words, I might have missed those two, slippery units of language wedged between the kisses and breakfast food. It was subtle. “Hey Worthless” was spoken with the energy of love, affection, a smile, a soft touch, a stroke of the hair and was accompanied by a tray full of nourishment.

It may seem like I am making a big deal about such a small phrase but the “Hey Worthless” message exploded in my ears like a trumpet blast. While we could debate the genius of Hitchcock and his cleverly disguised insult, the blasting in my ears created a frozen state in my body. This was one of the ways women had been programmed to think they were worthless, less than, not enough or wrong. This is how their voices were shut down. It began with one slippery, biting word at a time; demeaning, dishonoring, invalidating abuse intermixed with food, shelter, belonging, and “love.” From men, from women, from the media and more…

Growing up, we received subtle messages from loved ones and strangers: hey clumsy, she’s such a slob; don’t beat the boys at that game because they won’t like you. You’re too much, too loud, too intense… lighten up, have a sense of humor, get over it, don’t be so serious, go along with the crowd. And underneath the subtle words that were chipping away at our spirit and confidence, many of us had our innocence violated both physically and emotionally with physical and verbal abuse. We were told that we had caused it and deserved it!

It is no wonder that our voices were shut down and that we stopped speaking up for what we really believed in.

NO MORE!

Women have something to say. It is time. We are visible and we are creating a wave of voices!

*****

In the Spring of 2012, I was immersed in supporting and creating a safe space for the twenty-three authors of the powerful stories in this second, “Heal My Voice” book publication. One vulnerable word at a time, these successful women were reclaiming hidden aspects of their own personal power: writing to heal a story in their lives.

When a woman heals her voice, reclaims inner authority, it is not because she wants to rule the world and diminish men. It is because she wants to be able to use her personal power to make a difference in the world. She is not interested in power over you. She wants a voice at the table because she has something to offer. She may be leading the discussion or she may be a participant.

The authors in this book are a group of powerful women leaders who are passionate about leading, serving and making a difference in the world. Kerri in Australia, Marie in Sweden, Yana in Germany, Fiona in western Canada, Karen in Baltimore, Charlene in Chicago, Lynn in Colorado, Brenda in Oregon. In total, twenty-three women who live all over the United States and Canada and around the world.

These twenty-three women initially met through a coaching program including both men and women, and thus were accustomed to “listening” to one another, practicing the artful trade of supporting and empowering others.

Then, we shifted into a new sacred space. For many of us, the process of writing these stories helped us shed a layer of protection that was so worn, it felt like skin. We began to see each other and ourselves more clearly in the journey of writing our stories, building trust and hearing the wisdom that translates from one person’s experience to another.

In many of the stories, women wrote about the ways they had been diminished in religion, families, relationships, school, work and the world. Their confidence, feelings of worthiness, personal power, and open-eyed wonder had been chipped away and doused with someone else’s fear, manipulation and control. We had turned down the switch to our bright shining lights, to stay safe and hide our power to preserve and protect our hearts.

Sharing our stories with you is the next step in moving so far beyond the insidious “Hey Worthless” that it will hopefully become a notch of completion on our belts. We are carrying our wisdom and strength with us while we leave the rest of the garbage behind.

****

An Empowered Voice knows when to Listen.

An Empowered Voice knows when to Speak.

An Empowered Voice knows when to Stand on the Mountaintop and shout.

~ Andrea Hylen, Founder of Heal My Voice

**********

Posted in voice

Conscious Choices: Celebrating Christmas

Posted on December 23, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 84 of 100 days of Blogging

Do you make conscious choices about celebrating Christmas or other holidays?

A friend posted on Facebook about how she was upset because a work project got in the way of getting things done for Christmas. (It was a work project where she felt fulfilled and passionate about completing. The looming deadline happened to coincide with the holidays.)

She felt like every year she wants to do the traditional Christmas things: writing cards, baking cookies, decorating the house and everyone else seems to have their act together and are creating a Hallmark Christmas. She was frustrated at her “not getting it together” and asked the question: Anyone else go through this?

My response to her on Facebook: Do what you want to do. I stopped buying Christmas presents in 2009. It stopped having meaning for me. Switched to creating experiences with people throughout the year instead. Much more fun! Last year 16 of us gathered in Florida with four generations of people arriving and leaving over a two week period. Peaked in the middle with all of us there. We went to the movies, ate meals together, played games, This year we are spread all over the world and I am giving myself a 4 day retreat with a dog sitting job. I will Facetime on Christmas with my daughters. I am looking forward to silence and writing and sitting by the fire. I am happy…What will make you happy?

I think we all have memories of Christmas or other holidays that include some years feeling up and some years feeling down. When I think back on the most memorable years, it was when I let go of it looking like Hallmark or the years when I had a breakdown and made a change.

Last year during the Christmas holiday, when I was in Florida for two weeks it *was* a beautiful two weeks that had threads of triumphs and challenges throughout the visit. My daughter, Hannah and I were the first to arrive and the last to leave. The peak of all of us being together was in Daytona Beach and we got to experience the joy-filled moments and notice the stress. All in all, I look back on those two weeks fondly because I remember the good, I rode the waves of the bad, and I didn’t get caught up in other people’s “feelings.”

Christmas brings up a lot of feelings, right?

Contrast that to this year. I scheduled two days of dental work that required rest for my mouth and my body. I chose to do it on the days leading up to Christmas and arranged to be on retreat in a beautiful home with four little dogs and a fireplace. I made a plan to watch movies, write and take long, hot salt baths.

Changing the patterns of expectations of Christmas isn’t always easy unless you can consciously see the warning signs, the red flags, the “wake up!” messages and respond to them with a different routine.

One year, I almost had a nervous breakdown trying to make homemade ornaments for 20 family members and friends while working 35 hours a week, raising an infant and a toddler and barely functioning on 5 hours of sleep a night. I had lots of internal messages and pressure of Christmas expectations. One night, around midnight, I was trying to finish one more ornament before going to sleep. I was at the kitchen table, hunched over the embroidery and then I realized I couldn’t move my legs. I had a moment of paralysis. I called out to my husband. He helped me stand up and once I could lean on him, I had enough strength to move my legs and climb into bed. All night long I kept saying to myself, tomorrow is Al-Anon. Fall asleep. Go through the motions in the morning and just get yourself to Al-Anon at noon.

At the meeting, I confessed my physical situation from the night before, crying throughout my story. Someone asked me what would happen if I showed up on Christmas without the ornaments? I started sobbing even more when I said I didn’t even think my mother-in-law liked them. That was the last year I made ornaments. The end of a ten year cycle of making homemade presents and it was time to change.

After that, I still had years when I tried to do too much or stressed myself out with gift buying and baking. But that experience stayed with me and helped me to modify my expectations quicker. It also led me to take a longer look at Christmas activities ten years later when I was homeschooling my kids and leading community groups including Girl Scouts and Destination Imagination while we were renovating a house ourselves. I realized I needed a break and we all needed some down time to rest and hang out with no pressure.

Leading up to Christmas that year, I declared that I was going to wear my pajamas all day on Christmas. I was willing to go to the movies or to my sister-in-law’s house for dinner or to go visit friends, as long as I could wear my pajamas. That declaration was embraced by everyone in my family. The first pajama Christmas we spent at home. I made two kinds of soup the day before. We ate a special breakfast. Opened presents. I put out the soup, bread and salad buffet style and we watched movies, napped and played games the rest of the day. In the following years, the tradition continued. We did wear pajamas to the movies one year with pajama clothed friends joining us and some years we visited friends and family in their homes with all of us arriving in pajamas. The symbol of the pajamas made gave it the feeling of relaxation, rest and casual connection.

There are some traditions I enjoy every year like playing Christmas music, walking through neighborhoods and looking at the Christmas lights, connecting with my daughters on Christmas through Facetime or texting photos. It is a feeling of appreciation for the love and the light that is so present.

The year we wore pajamas was the first step I took to reclaim my power over Christmas and teach my children a new way of celebrating. And since then, every year has been different, consciously choosing the events and activities and tuning in to the real meaning of Christmas.

Christmas is L-O-V-E

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Posted in Conscious Choices

Living with Intent: Frequency Holders

Posted on December 22, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 83 of 100 days of Blogging

“There are people who are happy doing small things. I call them frequency holders. They are just as important as people who are doing big things. Their purpose is to give full attention to the present moment and to every action and interaction with other human beings ~ to be fully aware even in the smallest interactions. In that way, they also change the world for the better. In our culture, frequency holders aren’t often recognized, but that doesn’t mean they are not important. I was a frequency holder for a long time and still am in many ways.” ~Eckhart Tolle

I was working at a pharmaceutical company in the late 80’s. My official job was computer software trainer. One day, I was training an older woman on how to use the computer and the new operating system. Her hands were shaking and she kept asking me, “Is it okay to press enter? Are you sure? Are you sure?” I continued to hold the space, listen to her concerns, calmly encouraging her to press the key and breathe. Until finally, she would close her eyes, hold her breath and press the key. By the end of the hour session, she was navigating around the site, pressing enter with only a slight hesitation, smiling after each section completion and thanking me profusely for my patience.

Throughout the session, I had a sense that I was doing more than teaching her how to use the software and the computer. I was a just beginning to wake up to the power of presence, the idea that our thoughts create our reality and we could make a difference in the world with moment to moment connection. I was going to Al-Anon, studying A Course in Miracles and reading a variety of self-help books by Marianne Williamson, Wayne Dyer and Lazarus. The sense and feelings I had during the computer training session were validated and reinforced over the next few weeks. I noticed how something was changing in the older woman’s presence. She seemed to be standing taller, laughing and smiling and engaged more with her co-workers.

I knew that something was happening and I didn’t have the bigger picture until ten years later, another woman from that company contacted me and asked if she could come over to my house for a visit. During that ten year time period, our entire department had been laid off. I remarried, gave birth to two children, lost a son to cancer, survived a serious illness myself and was now building community and homeschooling my children. The woman was now divorced, had a new job, and better health. She asked to see me because she wanted me to know the impact I had on her and the people around me. She wanted to thank me for making a difference in the work environment and how it helped her to make positive changes in her life.

One of the gifts to me that day was to remind me that everywhere we go, we have the power to impact each other positively or negatively.

I have had more moments like this since then when I recognized the power of presence to shift the energy in a household just by being there. I am sure many of you have noticed it in your life, too. The impact a person’s energy has in your environment; either lifting people up or knocking people down.

If you are not aware of it, take a moment the next time you are in the grocery store. When you see people, including the clerk who rings up your groceries, take a moment to make eye contact and pause for a few seconds. Feel the connection. Notice the sensation in your body. Notice the reaction from the person. Give yourself a palpable experience of feeling the impact of your presence.

Give your full attention to the present moment.

We talk a lot about wanting Peace on Earth. Did you know that Peace on Earth comes moment by moment from the peace each of us feels inside.? That is the key. It is the Peace we spread to each other. Not just during the holidays in December when the words Peace on Earth appear on banners and cards and on store displays. Peace on Earth is a year round practice for each of us. It comes from cultivating your inner world, by practicing mindfulness, by noticing where you feel discomfort and adversity in your life and by making changes and raising your vibration. Do not discount the discomfort of fear or anger. Feel them. Go to the root of them and pull them out. Dismissing them actually buries them in places where they will fester. The key is to feel, heal and transmute them through forgiveness and acknowledgement.

Then, cultivate the feeling of PEACE inside of yourself. BE PEACE is exactly that.

In 2010, I spent a year writing in a coffee shop every morning. Priscilla’s in Toluca Lake, California. One day, the coffee shop owner came over to me and shared how much she appreciated me. She said, “You bring an energy to Priscilla’s. It feels good when you are here. Thank you for being here”

None of us experience feedback every day about when our presence has made a difference. The moment when someone notices your presence without you “doing” anything. Personally, it is rare to have someone contact me 10 years later to thank me for my positive energy. Or that a coffee shop owner would notice the difference in the energy in the shop when I am there or not. And really that is not the point of this blog post.

I want you to see that you are a frequency holder and for you to become aware of it. Maybe you will be lucky enough to have someone thank you and maybe not. Be it any way. Turn up your awareness and notice the impact your energy, your vibration, and your frequency is having in your household, your community and rippling out into the world. Decide if you need to change something to BE the energy and the vibration you want to be to impact the world.

It’s in every one of us.

And in addition to receiving my words…watch this video. Let it wash over you. Know that you matter. Your presence. Your frequency. Your voice.

It’s in every one of us.

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Posted in Inspiration, Intention

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