Andrea Hylen Archives - Page 8 of 13

Tag Archives: Andrea Hylen

Free Your Mind: Going Down the Rabbit Hole

Posted on November 11, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 42 of 100 days of Blogging

“Going down the rabbit hole in physics terms is how far are you willing to discover your true nature. Example would be, Why are we here? what is the meaning of life? How did we get here? Did we evolve? Were we once part of another world?” ~Wiki Answers

A few years ago, my teenage daughter and I went to 45 Jonas Brothers concerts. 24,000 miles of driving all over the United States and Canada in 11 weeks. When we started the trip, I had enough money for three concerts. I had no idea how we were going to make it to all 45 concerts. We just held the intention and the vision and resources showed up. It was hard to explain to people why we were doing this especially when it was hard.

I knew in my heart and soul that something was compelling me to free my mind, to open to new ideas and possibilities and carve a new path. I used that feeling to tune into my intuition, to access ideas based on experience and to open to new ideas. My daughter and I drove in silence for hours every day and sometimes through the night. In the silence, I tuned into deeper listening.

Resources and people appeared. A friend offered us her home when we were in Denver even though she was in Hawaii. A friend of hers left a key under the front doormat. We stayed with a friend’s relatives in Idaho. We were invited to dinner in Portland, Oregon by Jonas Brother’s lovers who had been reading my daughter’s blog. We were interviewed by several newspaper reporters who found us on-line. The back up band’s bus driver gave us his hotel room at the Hyatt and the Marriott and the Hotel W. Jordin Sparks drummer, Michael Bedard, and I had a random conversation outside the venue one night. An hour long talk about, The Alchemist. He got tickets for us that night. We were hired by a toy company to film JB fans playing with a toy called Bop-it! New ideas. New possibilities every day.

I learned a lot about living in flow that summer. I stayed connected to the music we were listening to in each concert:

Jordin Sparks singing One Step at a Time.“Take one step at a time.”

The Jonas Brothers, Fly with Me. “Now, the past is gone. To give all I can. To believe once again.”

That summer tour opened up even more of my desire to live from inspiration and to create a new life based on what my heart really wanted. We all have so much old conditioning and societal expectations that are deeply ingrained in our minds and bodies. The idea of changing the expected pattern is frightening. It means people won’t like you. Or they will think you are weird. They will shun you from the pack where we no longer feel like we belong.

There are layers of this in Maslow’s chart of self-actualization. We want to belong. And belonging has a certain look to it. My own experience has been a dance of autonomy and following my heart and then finding my way back to try to find some sense of belonging to my original tribe and to the communities of friends. I feel like I have lived my whole life in this place of going down the rabbit hole and disconnecting or living an underground life from my family. Finding like minded people and having experiences then finding a place where I am confident enough in this new experience to reconnect.

“Morpheus: I’m trying to free your mind, Neo. But I can only show you the door. You’re the one that has to walk through it.” ~The Matrix

It takes courage to go down the rabbit hole. You would think it would get easier because the people I am closest to would see that I am the same person when I return. Especially because many times they embrace the experience, too. I have influenced new ideas and ways to live life.

But, here’s the truth. The rabbit hole gets deeper. My desires are bigger. Authenticity is primary. Things that bring my heart joy do push the discomfort button for many people. The reward and the reason I do it is the freedom to finally be me. Again and again.

I am still learning to find places to nourish myself when I am in the depths of going into the rabbit hole. I am still learning to come up with a few words and sentences to soothe the fears of my loved ones while I am disappearing for awhile. I am still learning to love myself when I am in the midst of the new.

The only way through it is to dive in and experience the thing that calls to me so deeply. The next rabbit hole.

To the adventure!

“Seek not to change the world, but choose to change your mind about the world.” ~The Course in Miracles.

**********

Andrea Hylen at Agape in Los Angeles

Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

Posted in An Evolutionary Woman's Journey Series

Releasing Judgmental Thoughts and Feelings

Posted on November 10, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 41 of 100 days of Blogging

I was leading a women’s circle the other night. It was the first in this community and I was laying out some guidelines. Confidentiality. Share experience. No advice giving.

I was about to say something about judgmental thoughts and feelings and to not judge each other, when a new idea came to me. Judging each other is a natural human phenomenon. I judge you. You judge me. We are all in judgement together.

Instead of pretending it is not there or trying to control your thoughts, I suggested to the women they become aware of it and learn from it. The bigger picture, when we become aware of judging, is what we do next. Gossip, criticize, shame or turn it into an opportunity to learn something about ourselves.

I know when that voice of judgement is turned up inside of me, there is a ton of desire bubbling up and I haven’t figured out how to bring it into the physical yet. Or I haven’t accepted myself just as I am. Because when I judge you, I am actually judging me.

To judge means to form an opinion. Our opinion is based on what we have been taught, conditioning, experience and preference. It is our version of right or wrong. It is how we make moment by moment choices.

Try this exercise sometime. You notice that you are judging someone.

Example: She’s too happy or loud and I don’t like her clothes.

Now, turn it back towards you.

*How happy do you allow yourself to be?

*Are you feeling like you have too much responsibility?

*When was the last time you just let yourself be happy and loud?

*Is there an old conditioning, a belief that says women have to act a certain way?

*What is it about her clothes?

*Write down the words and ask yourself what you envy about her clothing choices.

*Do you wish for more freedom? Color? Confidence?

Now you have an awareness of what is underneath all of the judgement and you can make changes…if you wish.

End the exercise by placing your hand over your heart, close your eyes and repeat over and over, “I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you…”

There is no room in your mind for anything else.

**********

Posted in Inspiration

Co-dependency: A Daily Practice in Mindfulness

Posted on November 9, 2015 by Andrea Hylen

Day 40 of 100 days of Blogging

Co-dependency.

“I know when to say no and when to say yes. I take responsibility for my choices. The victim? She went somewhere else. The only one who can truly victimize me is myself, and 99 percent of the time I choose to do that no more. But I need to continue to remember the key principles: boundaries, letting go, forgiveness after feeling my feelings—not before, self-expression, loving others but loving myself, too.”

~Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself.

When Melody Beattie’s Book: Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself was published in September 1986, I was in a marriage with an alcoholic husband. We had two young daughters, I was attending a weekly Al-Anon meeting and working with a therapist to uncover and make visible generations of alcoholism. Thank God I had Al-Anon and one friend or I don’t know what I would have done.

When I started to talk about co-dependency and alcoholism in my family and my husband’s family, no one wanted to talk about it and they seriously thought there was something wrong with me. I even noticed that the priest at our church seemed to be drunk during the Sunday service and he rambled on and on about things that didn’t make sense in his sermons. When I mentioned this to my husband, he said that I thought everyone was an alcoholic. It felt like that! (FYI: The priest wrote a letter of amends to the parishioners, six months later, from an addiction treatment center.)

At the darkest point of the codependency with my husband, I convinced myself that I must be an alcoholic. I told a family member that I felt I was dying in this relationship. Her response was, “You made your bed, now lie in it.” A few weeks later, I went to two of the company parties sponsored by my job and I got drunk at both of them. Finally! I got to be the irresponsible, “just here to have a good time” person. I know I had too much to drink to drive home and I thank God I arrived home safe and didn’t hurt anyone. With that one incident, I convinced myself that I must be an alcoholic and I did 90 days of AA to “get sober.”

The truth is I was desperate. Even though I rarely drank and I never got drunk, I had reached the bottom. I could not figure out what else I could do to get him to see the alcoholism and the destruction of our marriage. We had two small daughters. Nothing I did had made a difference in our marriage, including converting to my husband’s Catholicism faith to encourage him to go to church with us. Al-Anon, therapy to understand the family dynamics, praying, meditating, numerous self-help books, including the Dance of Anger and Dance of Intimacy had done nothing to inspire him to change. My final desperate move was to convince myself that two drunken moments meant I was an alcoholic. The truth is I am not an alcoholic and doing a 90 day program would not get my husband, grandfather, father or brother sober. I am a recovering “people pleasing, codependent person” and now my life involves awareness and daily mindfulness to keep untangling that deep conditioning.

One day at a time. One moment at a time.

Thirty years later, my Dad and brother have both been sober for eight years now and I recently noticed someone in my family had a copy of, “Co-dependent No More by Melody Beattie,” on the kitchen counter. She had just discovered it and is waking up now to the possibility of a codependency pattern.

Sometimes it is discouraging to be the first person to see the dysfunction in the family and to walk that path of awareness alone. There are times when I still see it around me and it is so painful to witness. I can’t fix it. Sometimes I can’t even put a voice to it because the person is unaware and they are not ready or willing to have a conversation about it.

My biggest challenge is seeing the essence of people and seeing who they are under all of the stories and lies and facades. Then seeing they are not living or making decisions from that place. And when they are interacting and I see the enabling and codependency, I just want to scream or go to bed and pull my covers over my head. It is so painful to be around it and not engage it.

I know it feels judgmental sometimes and underneath it is a deeper truth. I care deeply and I want everyone to cut the crap and wake up and live from their essence. At one point, my life had become unmanageable and someone was there to help me and I want to help. It is discouraging because most of the time I can’t.

So this is what I do now. When I notice the codependency and enabling pattern, I remind myself of these things:

*Focus on and develop more compassion for myself and others.

*Collect data and determine when I need to take action and when I need to step away from a situation or sit in discomfortable feelings.

*I am not responsible for anyone’s process and recovery.

*Even in a conscious community, we are all going to be waking up to different things at different times.

*Life is an ongoing series of waking up to new awareness. There are areas of my life where I am still asleep. I will wake up when I am ready, too.

To break my own codependency when I notice it, I use a mantra like, Ho’oponopono, an ancient Hawaiian healing technique:

“I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

I love you.

Thank you.”

I repeat it over and over until I feel calm in my body.

Or I think the words, “I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you…”

I have learned that timing and patience and living a full life myself is the answer. Be the change means exactly that. Change my own codependency and live from a place of love with boundaries.

I wonder. Do you feel you are codependent? If inspired, share some of the tools and reminders you use by posting in the comments.

I love you.

**********

Posted in Heal My Voice

Freedom: The Great Wall of Vagina

Posted on November 8, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 39 of 100 days of Blogging

Have you ever seen The Great Wall of Vagina?

http://www.greatwallofvagina.co.uk/home

Here are a few words from the website:

“For many women their genital appearance is a source of anxiety and I was in a unique position to do something about that.”

The Great Wall of Vagina makes for fascinating and revealing viewing which is a far cry from pornography. It is not erotic art. It is not about titillation. McCartney has pulled off an amazing trick – to deliberately make the sexual nonsexual and take you much deeper. One is able to stare without shame but in wonder and amazement at this exposé of human variety.

“It’s time our society grew up around these issues and I’m certain that art has a role to play.”

http://www.greatwallofvagina.co.uk/great-wall-vagina-panels

As I have started practicing Orgasmic Meditation regularly again, I have found this renewed curiosity with my genitals. My latest reflections involved this:

I was just looking at my pussy in the mirror and doing a light trim on the pubic hair around my clitoris. Deciding what to do with pubic hair has been a journey since my first Introduction to Orgasmic Meditation class and I feel good about where I am with it right now. Anyway, I was looking at my pussy and wishing I had taken photos over the years.

What did it look like when I got my period at age 10?

What did it look like when I was in my first circle with a mirror and plastic speculum at the age of 21?

What did it look like when I got pregnant with my first child?

After each child (4 live births)?

After menopause?

Before my first OM?

An updated photo at each stage of my life. The same way I have a photo of my face.

I know that my pussy is different now since my first OM. My clitoris and hood are so much fuller and open. I just wish I had some photos. And I wish it seemed like a natural thing to do that instead of weird and shameful and something to hide.

I would love to hear your thoughts about your genitals. Your pussy. Your vagina. Your clitoris. (And men, if you want to post thoughts about your genitals, I would love to hear your voices, too.)

**********

Posted in Sexuality

OM Report: Tips for New OMers (Orgasmic Meditation) #6-#10

Posted on November 7, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 38 of 100 days of Blogging

This is the 2nd Blogpost in a series. The first 5 tips are here

*****

I have been working with a group of coaches in the Washington, DC area to teach Orgasmic Meditation classes, lead TurnOns and start a Women’s Circle to talk about OMing, sexuality and relationships. While researching some information, I found a Facebook page called the OM report where a male practitioner shared some tips for women who were beginning to OM. Lots of great reminders for the men, too.

https://www.facebook.com/theOMreport/posts/889705337783872

In a series of blogs, I have broken down the tips with some personal comments from my experiences with OMing for 3 years.

OM is short for Orgasmic Meditation. It is a fifteen minute partnered practice that involves stroking the upper left hand quadrant of a woman’s clitoris for 15 minutes. OM is a practice between two people that has no goal except to feel what is happening in the moment. Connection. Sensation. Simplicity. Attention.

A frame is a moment in time during your OM, when you felt a physical sensation in your body. This includes temperature, texture, motion, pressure, color, and speed. Sharing a frame is a way to anchor the experience of the OM and the connection. One moment. Focusing on what is present vs what is not.

Some of the tips are for all OMers, some are for women, some are for monogamous OMing, some are for multiple partner OMer. As the saying goes, “Take what you like and leave the rest.”

I have OMed monogamously and with multiple partners. My additional comments refer to both experiences.

Tips for New OMers #6

“It is a privilege to stroke a woman. You owe no man / person access to your clit.” (Alutha J.)

Notes from Andrea: I have had so many wires to uncross around this. Unraveling old, deep, deep conditioning. When I first started OMing, I felt like the men were Gods and a rare breed I had just discovered. A man who would focus his attention on me and stroke my clit and not asking for anything in return. I felt beholden to him and that I had better be “nice” or he wouldn’t want to OM with me. I would write long appreciations on the OM Hub. Then I had a variety of experiences that changed my thinking to an equal partnership. I began to OM with men who really saw this as a practice and who were receiving nourishment, fulfillment and pleasure.

*My regular Saturday morning partner showed me how he had this longing to connect to women and give his attention. I witnessed how it turned him on in every area of his life. Work, Play, Love Relationships, Friendships. It was gorgeous to watch him open. He was my #28 OM for those of you who read my story in Sensual Voices: True Stories by Women Exploring Connection and Desire.

*I had an OM with my intimacy research partner after OMing for a year that broke through another level of vulnerability, intimacy, connection. I felt cracked open and I could see his face and eyes got softer. When I shared the experience in a class led by Nicole Daedone, she used me as an example of how a women talks about a man like he is a King when he gives her 15 minutes of the kind of attention she gives him all the time. Whoa! That woke me up. I saw how the commerce exchange was emotional. You stroke my pussy and I stroke your ego. I became more conscious of that and focused on my own experience while trusting that the stroker would focus on his.

*At OMX in 2013, two of the men I OMed with sobbed through the entire OM. One man (in his 60s) lost his wife 8 months earlier. I raised my hand for a coach to sit with us. It was the strokers first OM and the coach helped him stay connected to me and let out the grief through sobbing. The second man was in his early 20’s, a college student. The OM touched something deep in him and he told me later he released shame and unworthiness and fear of being “man enough” during the OM by letting out the tears and the grief.

*Now, after almost 3 years of OMing, I have more access to my essence and that affects everyone around me. The stroker, the community, my family and children. We need each other! I appreciate the practice and I appreciate the men and women who have the courage to connect.

Tips for New OMers #7: Find / create OM circles you can trust. Use them to pre-screen potential new strokers and strokees. (Alutha J.)

Notes from Andrea: Yes! Saturday nights before TurnOn in Washington, DC. OM Circle for trained OMers. Get trained. Join the Meet-up. Connect with partners. A great way to OM with someone for the first time and to meet new OMers. And Community OM Days! I am currently living in DC and there are other communities around the world.

http://www.meetup.com/TurnOn-WashingtonDC-OM/

Tips for New Female OMers #8: “Creepy Old Man” energy is a thing. The men your body flags as “red” … you aren’t responsible for. If they need re-training / support, let them get it from OneTaste. (Alutha J.)

Notes from Andrea: Trust your body and also use it for your growth. Trust your feelings first. We enter the room as adults. We use the green, yellow, red system. Green means go. Yellow means some discomfort and I want to push an edge. Red means I am in Fight or Flight or Frozen. Too much! STOP!

Do not OM with someone who puts you into RED.

On the other hand, if you are OMing with multiple partners and in YELLOW, you may be misinterpreting what they are saying or they may be helping you to unravel something. An old conditioning, a deeper desire. (Like the guy in the photo, it says Comb Over, not Come Over). In this situation, trust your gut to say Yes or No. Is there a preference that is limiting you in your life? Are you curious to learn something new? If you are in YELLOW, OM in circle and not privately.

One time I OMed with someone who put me into YELLOW and I pushed the edge and decided to OM with him in circle. There was so much sensation and power that was opened in me. I began to notice that I had more access to my power and I connected it to that OM. The good girl has a bigger voice now!

Tips for New OMers #9: “OMing is *not* dating. Don’t collapse the two. Develop a strong, clean practice.” (Alutha J.)

Tips for New OMers #10: I *strongly* recommend *not* dating a stroker … until you have at least 100 OMs under your belt … 250 is even better. This is about establishing a strong practice. 90% of women newbies who dated a regular stroker early in their practice (under 50 OMs) … reported it screwed up their practice … and took them up to 6 months to get back to where they were before. (The OMs don’t all have to be with the same stroker.) (Alutha J.)

Notes from Andrea:

In OM we are uncrossing wires, unraveling old social conditioning. OMing brings sensations that we connect with other things. Being turned on in old conditioning means I must be in love, I have to have sex with him/her, I owe the stroker something else (emotional stroking, home baked cookies, sex, a happy face)

We are not used to holding high sensation without taking action. Stay in the sensation of being turned on and wait on the “I want to have sex with him or her.” Let it build. See if you can point that energy to something else without needing to release it. Build a practice and the energy builds so that when you do have sex with someone in the future, the electricity in your body is unbelievable. Don’t rush it.

I OMed for 8 months before I had sex again. And I had OMed around 400 times. I had been in two long term monogamous relationships in marriage. I trusted that the unraveling was happening and my body would open even more.

It was worth the wait. The power and electricity continues to build with the practice and sex gets better and better. (And I thought it was great before OMing! I didn’t know how much more sensation could build in my body)

Tips #11-#15 Blogpost on November 14

*****

Posted in Orgasmic Meditation

Writing: A few tips as you begin

Posted on November 6, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 37 of 100 days of Blogging

Every story begins with a blank piece of paper. To begin, write anything that comes to you. It doesn’t have to make sense. Just write from your heart for your own exploration.

Begin by writing your story for YOU. When I write, I DO think about someone reading it. But, the person has the quality of a “stranger”, a woman who needs to hear the story. I write it to her. “She” knows my pain and “she” embraces every word of my journey. She embraces the vulnerability and the power.

If you are writing the story for your personal friend, child, parent or “friend who is an award winning, published author” …STOP THAT!! Writing for approval will put a tight filter and will slow down the authentic flow. The words you are writing now are part of a self-discovery process for YOU! (You may have a friend who really validates you. Check within to see if that supports the discovery of you.)

Be gentle with yourself. In the process, there will be old limiting patterns that will be released so that your essence, the core of who you are can shine brightly. Releasing will take on many forms. Sometimes things will just fall away quickly and gently, sometimes they will be like labor pains that may include physical and emotional releasing.

If you are interested in writing in community with connection and support the next 30 day writing program begins on January 1, 2016.

A Heal My Voice 30-Day Writing Program (With Teleseminar Support)

One group for women. One group for men. On-line program with teleseminars. JOIN US!

http://healmyvoice.org/30-day-writing-program/

*****

In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

Posted in Writing

Humanity and a Moment of Vulnerability

Posted on November 5, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 36 of 100 days of Blogging

I love the Facebook Page: Humans of New York.

https://www.facebook.com/humansofnewyork/

I live for moments of humanity. To me it is the juicy, richness of life. A moment of connection. Listening to a person’s story when you really feel them and this moment of human connection that changes everything. Seeing into the soul of a person.

“Chris didn’t tell me he was HIV positive until he began to get really sick. It was 1991, so there wasn’t much that could be done back then. It was the only time we ever argued. I wanted him to take care of himself so he could live as long as possible. He wanted to keep traveling, and drinking, and eating whatever he wanted. He kept working right until the end. Even when he was so sick that he had to be hooked up to an IV feed, he was making plans to go to the Netherlands to choreograph a show. He’d located a doctor there and everything. But he never made it. He began to lose his lucidity toward the end. One night he began to direct us. There were three of us in his hospital room, and he told us to arrange the lamp a certain way, then he had us lift him into the air. He seemed to be somewhere else. I think in his mind he was actually on a stage.”

A moment in time and so powerful. Heart expanding.

I experienced my own moment of humanity tonight when a man in my community asked me to mediate a conversation with a woman. They are two friends who had a miscommunication that was really two different perspectives. I was touched by his desire to communicate and to repair anything that he might have damaged. The thing I noticed was in his vulnerable sharing I wasn’t afraid of being too big and bruising his ego. I wasn’t afraid of emasculating him by being honest and direct with what I saw and heard. This was a man requesting to share feelings and vulnerability so that he can be a better man. At the end of the call, we each shared a moment of connection and in the end we were all giggling and laughing.

A gorgeous moment of humanity…

******

Posted in An Evolutionary Woman's Journey Series

Acknowledging Your Feelings

Posted on November 4, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 35 of 100 days of Blogging

In this moment, I feel sad. I noticed it when I was walking back from the Metro tonight. It is kind of interesting because I had a good day. The weather in DC was gorgeous. I had two meetings that went well. I put over 10,000 steps on my Fitbit.

So, instead of brushing away the feeling of sadness, I gave it some space. I went into my bedroom, sat still and just felt it. I avoided the thoughts of food, a movie on Netflix, or pushing it away by putting on some happy music and dancing. I pulled into myself for a bit. Spent time in silence. Circling gently around in my mind to ask myself what triggered this feeling? What opened the door to it?

I went through a list of who and what is in my life in the present. Areas of my life including work, play, health, wealth, creativity, personal practices, my daughters, friends, family. After an hour of reflecting and reviewing, I saw the moment when in a conversation, someone unknowingly revealed something. On the metro, I had been playing it in my mind and I could feel that I was disappointed and discouraged. I felt I was working with someone at a Level 5 and saw that their awareness was more of a Level 2 and there was no way to make something happen any faster than it can happen.

I made a course correction and I felt better. I could see a few areas where I am putting a lot of attention and it is steering me off course. I sent two texts. Moved a few things around and let go.

I turned on Spotify and danced for 30 minutes. Happy, uplifting songs that felt good. I gave the sadness attention and it was ready to move.

All of the feelings and emotions we have are clues. Every feeling has value. If you can slow down enough to really feel it, you will get an answer as to what it is here to tell you.

At the root of all of it is Desire. The layers of feelings are pointing us to Desire. Something that is ready to emerge now.

Ask yourself questions and wait for the answers to show up in the form of clues and signs.

*What do you want to create?

*What do you want to expand into?

*What experience are you longing for?

*What cells in your body are waking up for a new expression now?

If inspired, share some of your ideas in the comment section. I would LOVE to hear what is emerging for you.

**********

Posted in Inspiration

OM Report: Tips for New OMers (Orgasmic Meditation) #1-#5

Posted on November 3, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 34 of 100 days of Blogging

https://www.facebook.com/theOMreport/posts/889705337783872

In the next few blogs, I have broken down the tips with some personal comments from my experiences with OMing for 3 years.

Some of the tips are for all OMers, some are for women, some are for monogamous OMing, some are for multiple partner OMer. As the saying goes, “Take what you like and leave the rest.”

I have OMed monogamously and with multiple partners. My additional comments refer to both experiences.

Tips for New Female OMers #1

“Build a stable of strokers you trust.”

Notes from Andrea: First, I want to say I don’t really like the words “stable of strokers”. It is a trigger for me. I think the male practitioner was using stable to emphasize stability. So, I left it in the original form. Instead of stroker, I have always used OM partner. We are here in partnership. I encourage everyone to use the words that are meaningful for you. I work with the subtle energy of words.

When I first stated OMing, I had a regular Saturday partner for about 4 months. It was rich learning for both of us. We had a regular practice and once we felt solid in the basics, we expanded our connection with some research. (By that time we had other OM trained partners and had OMed over 100 times each) We did things like saying frames throughout the OM; Fifteen minutes of stillness with his finger lightly resting on my clit; A guided OM (he found a recording somewhere) And he was my OM partner for my 28th OM which I wrote about in a book and a blogpost. It is awesome to have a consistent OM partner.

I also lived in a house with a daily OM practice and a few men were there for morning practice regularly. About 8 men who I OMed with all the time. Before I lived in the house, there were 6 OMers who organized a weekly OM circle in someone’s apt. We OMed 3 times. Switching partners. Sometimes we paused after the 2nd OM for a bathroom break, stretching and a short sharing of frames. I learned a lot during that period and the consistency in a community practice. We all lived in the same area and it was convenient to organize and OM.

If you are OMing with one partner, there is a power in OMing on a consistent basis. Try OMing every day for 30 days whether you want to or not. Keep the commitment on the good days and on the bad. Notice what happens when you feel disconnected and you still OM. Notice when you are so hot for each other and you keep the container and OM.

Tips for New Strokers #2

“Protect your privacy. Be meticulous with your name, photos, videos, posts, location, and personal details. Unless you are “out” publicly … offering OM services (coaching or classes) for money, consider using an alias in online OMing groups. The Internet is forever. “

Notes from Andrea: I would also add that even if you feel comfortable sharing this with people, take it slow in posting personal details. There is a lot of sensation and excitement and woo hoo! energy when you first start OMing. Your body system is more open and sensitive. You have no idea the true power of this practice. So, enjoy it. Keep it private for awhile. Share slowly and consciously. And OM!

Tips for New Strokers #3

“Know the OM container. Make sure your strokers are on the same page – before the OM starts.

A PDF from OneTaste about Container and Form

Notes from Andrea: There is a power in the container. It helps a woman’s vigilant center relax. It provides structure and timing for the man. It builds trust. It removes the element of commerce. The container also means you can travel anywhere in the world and find trained OM partners who are doing this practice and you both know what the procedure and protocol is for the practice.

When I was living in California, I posted on the OM Hub that I was looking for OM partners in NYC during a certain time period. A man contacted me and we set up a time after I asked some female OMers if they knew him. I checked to make sure he was a good stroker who followed the OM container. I arrived in NYC. Took the subway to his apartment. He had the nest set up. Offered me the bathroom and water. We OMed twice. I put my pants back on. We arranged another time that week and I left. Clean. Clear. Easy. OM Container held.

If you are in a monogamous OMing relationship, keep the container sacred. If you are going to break it by making out or doing other things, then just have sex. It isn’t an OM and you will not reap the benefits of the practice. It’s okay. Just have sex. 🙂

I am attaching a link in the comments section to an article written by Keith Paolino from OneTaste Austin about breaking the container and how he learned about the importance of it.

Some of his words: “I am deeply committed to the container of the OM, and not just because of my responsibility to my strokee and the dance of Orgasm. I understand that when I hold it, I practice holding the sensation that I’ve built in the OM. That the desire to pull for climax, or trying to get her to make out afterwards is just me trying to dump all of that sensation. When I hold the container solidly, I get to stretch it, pouring a little more sensation in, marveling at how much it can hold without breaking. I get to see how much I can hold, how much electricity I can harness and channel into my desire, my purpose, my life. I remember that an unexpected byproduct of this practice for strokers is cultivating integrity. When I do what I say I will do (follow the steps, stop when time is up), I become a someone trustworthy, dependable, solid. The chaos of the feminine relies of the solid foundation of the masculine to follow Desire.”

The 15 minute container article: http://onetaste.us/the-15-minute-container/

Tips for New Strokers #4

“OM is a community-based practice. Network with other women. Find out who the good strokers are. And the ones women won’t OM with … and why. It is worth developing newbie strokers. However if they exhibit “bad OM manners” … let OneTaste re-train them. You don’t owe [rude] men squat.”

Notes from Andrea: A good stroker gets training, sees OM as a practice, listens and responds to adjustments during the OM, offers adjustments and listens to their partner, holds the OM container, has boundaries, has respect for the strokee, . I have never heard a women “rate” strokers on a scale of 1-5 or 1-10 as far as technique or sexiness, or knowing how to “get them off.” That is not the intention when we say who is a good stroker. This is a practice and we want strokers who hold the space and follow the protocol.

A bad stroker tries to kiss the strokee during the OM (yes, it happened!), uses words like, “Oh, baby, you are so hot”, violates the container, treats the OM as commerce for sex, doesn’t have a nest and supplies when I arrive to OM, regularly breaks OM appts, does not listen to my adjustments during the OM and has his own agenda.

I would love to hear from other OMers to see what your experiences have been with good strokers and bad strokers and OMing in community.

Tips for New Strokers #5

‘Experience’ is no longer a safe measure. Reports of “experienced” strokers ‘hustling’ women and poaching on containers have increased. Ask questions. Listen to your body. Lechers tend to broadcast themselves. Back in the old days … a group of women would have called them out … publicly. They would either get additional training … or know that no woman in the community would OM with them.”

Notes from Andrea: Again, this is the power of community. Keep your eyes open and stay connected to your intuition and hunches. Accountability comes from all of us telling the truth and calling people out on their lack of integrity. It is one of the powers of OM Circles, community potlucks, OM practice club, additional training, Women Circles and Men Circles. Stay connected to the community and share experiences with each other.

AND LISTEN TO YOUR BODY!

Next Week: Tips #6-#10

*****

Posted in Orgasmic Meditation

Polishing Your Inner GPS

Posted on November 2, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 33 of 100 days of blogging

It took me a long time to realize that I saw things other people didn’t see. The first time was when I was in a messy divorce and my husband was trying to prove I was crazy because I had started wearing crystal earrings and learning how to read Tarot Cards. I was leaving him and no longer wanted to live with an alcoholic. He tried to prove there was something wrong with me instead. That was in 1987 and luckily one of the psychiatrists who administered the tests told me that I wasn’t crazy, I just saw things that other people didn’t see. That my creativity and intuition was highly developed and on a psychological test it could appear I was crazy. She wouldn’t let me see the results in case my husband’s lawyer asked me about the test. She was really the first person who gave me permission and encouragement to be who I am and to explain something I hadn’t understand until then.

The biggest challenge after that was protecting that side of me so no one could hurt me (or burn me at the stake.) I found like minded people in Insight Seminars and I began to lead and teach in places like my living room and homeschooling my children in community based learning. I have spent my life questioning things that other people may assume is the only way and the right way to live life. Themes have been Living from Inspiration and Authentic Living and Listening to my Heart.

Recently, I arrived back in Baltimore after living on the road for a year, thinking I knew where I was going next. I had a clear vision of where I was going to live and I saw a variety of next steps. Then, everything started changing. Over and over. I felt like a ball in a pinball machine. At the same time, I also had a few things that anchored me. A few pet sitting jobs, a friend’s car, a few work projects. I wrote a blog called Using the Feelings of Failure as a Tool of Exploration. And that blog got a lot of comments. People who read it felt a resonance, an AHA! of “I have experienced this, too.”

My “go to” feeling is “I have failed.” You might feel, “I am not enough,” or feelings of depression, anxiety, or fear. What do you feel when something has ended and the next part of the path has not appeared. That is the clue.

In my last Immersion into the “I am a failure,” I knew that I had tools and resources and a resilience that would help me to discover and explore the next pathway. I went into the basement of the feelings and I came out with more words and ideas and an appreciation for a process that works. As I came back to the surface, I had people telling me that they were in a transition and two talks I did at conferences: “Using the Feelings of Failure as a Tool of Exploration” and “Tuning Into Deeper Listening,” were things they wanted to explore.

I am a Warrior Goddess who is intensely committed and has been focused on using every experience in my life to grow and learn. I am willing to go into the depths of a subject and topic and then bring out the gems to share with the world. An Extroverted Introvert I deeply listen and observe, feeling everything, learning, trying things I feel inspired to learn and experience. And when ready, I share it through writing and teaching.

So, I created a new program called, “Polishing Your Inner GPS: Carving the Next Step of Your Life.

If you are curious or your Inner GPS is dinging and flashing red neon signs, read on and see if now is the time for you. The secret FB group is open now. The optional in person workshops are in the DC area on Nov 5 or Nov 7. Everyone will receive all of the tools and resources and tons of support on the community phone calls and in the secret Facebook group.

Check it out here and sign up!

https://andreahylen.com/workshop-using-your-life-as-a-road-map/

No more coulda, shoulda, woulda!

*****

Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

Posted in An Evolutionary Woman's Journey Series

« Older Entries Recent Entries »